Author Topic: my mother in law is taking money from our account  (Read 3603 times)

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Kinzey

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my mother in law is taking money from our account
« on: March 26, 2010, 01:30:48 PM »
Today I logged onto our online bank account to check our balance and I discovered that $500 has been taken out of our account and put into my mil's account. She has access to the account because my husband opened the account when he was a minor but never removed her name from the account when we got married dispite my constant requests to have her name removed from the account and I don't know if my husband put the money in there or if she removed it herself. Either way I am pissed! If my husband is giving her money I should be consulted and if she is taking money out of the account I sure as hell would like to know why. I am at my wits end with my husbands parents and with my husband himself and this has just pushed me over the edge. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel I have lost control over my life and now I have lost control over my money! My husband doesn't see anything wrong with their behavior and always defends their actions but doesn't show me the same courtesy. I really don't know if my marriage can last like this and I feel like they are stealing from me. I feel like they don't respect me and I have brought this up to my husband but he acts like he doesn't care. This isnt' the first time they have taken money from the account and I told my husband from the beginning that this cannot happen again but apparently my opinion doesn't matter. If he owed them money then I needed to have been told then we could have written them a check. Am I being unreasonable?

Offline luise.volta

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2010, 01:49:39 PM »
Of course you're not being unreasonable...you are being used, in my opinion. The one with no opinion. I'm seeing red. Have you been the invisible partner in this foursome all along?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

2chickiebaby

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2010, 01:52:29 PM »
I agree

cocobars

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2010, 01:53:50 PM »
I'm with Luise!  I'm stil at work and trying to get out, but I checked this and couldn't hold back! I'll have to check later, but listen to Luise, Kinzey!  She will give you better advice than anyone here! 

cocobars

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2010, 03:02:26 PM »
Kinzey, I'm at home now.  I had to get on here and say this though.  Your husband is giving away money to his mother (and father??).  It is money you are contributing to, am I right?  If this is a main bank account (or not) and your husband is having funds withdrawn without your knowledge or permission, then my immediate reaction ( since nobody seems to be considering your response as a partner in this donation), is that you are contributing to something you haven't agreed upon in this partnership called marriage. 

Maybe I'm wrong, and I truly hope I am corrected if this is someone's opinion, but if this has been an ongoing "donation" with your past objections, then I wouldn't fight over it.  If it were me, I would ask my husband (because you have much more class than he does) if it's ok, (since he has decided to do this without consulting you or considering your input), if you start your own account (for your parents as well - or whomever share's that "other half" of what he has decided without your knowledge or input is deserving of transfer, and start withdrawing equal amounts into this account as well.   

At this point, he will have to give you "good reasons" why his "grown parents" need you to work to support them.  Something is fishy here.  If it were me, I'd call his bluff and find out what that is...  If nothing else, you will have money put away for yourself and what you would like to do with it in the end.

Kinzey, this is hard to guess at.  I don't want to give you advice like this without you knowing that it is something innocent.  But, if that's the case, then I would have a talk with my husband about keeping me informed - so he isn't seeing the same amounts disappear "without explanation..."


Hope

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2010, 07:14:02 AM »
Kinzey,
IMHO this is definitely an unacceptable situation.  It reminds me of what happened to my dd in her first marriage.  As a newly-wed, she agreed to move away from everyone she knew to live by her new husband's family.  Her husband's checking account had been opened while he was in college and his mother's name was still on the account.  Rather than open a new account when they married, they kept his old account.  Now mind you, my dd had her own checking account until they married, but closed it when she moved.  She was debt free, having worked throughout college to  pay her share of tuition.  She was incredible - she worked so hard at school and work to make this happen.  After she married, she helped her husband pay off his college debt, but her name was not on their checking account.  She asked and asked her dh and mil to go to the bank so that they could add my dd's name to the account.  Her mil couldn't find the time.  Her mil didn't withdraw any money, but my daughter didn't even have her name on the account, so she couldn't have access to her own money!!!!!!!  I advised her to open another account for her and her dh and just transfer the money from one account to the other.  Well, it took a while before her dh agreed to do that with her.  I think you and your dh need to get to the bottom of this.  Why does his dm need to have her name on your bank account?  Even if she doesn't withdraw money, why is there a need?  My advise to you is the same as I gave my dd - open a new account for just you and dh and transfer the money, minus the outstanding checks, to the new account.  And I agree with you - how your joint money is spent should be discussed between you and your dh.   I hope your husband is good to you. My daughter ended up leaving that marriage because her husband was controlling and mentally abusive.  He began showing signs of being a physical abuser, but because of the mental abuse and his lack of caring how his behavior effected my dd, her counselor and priest both told her that no one should have to live that way.  Please take care of yourself, dear one.  Sending hugs.............Hope

RedRose

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2010, 07:51:34 AM »
Kinsey,

You and your husband should have your own savings and checking account. I believe you should support each other from the time you are married (in some cases before).
Also, you should be each others beneficiaries where everything else is concerned too.
Money could cause a lot of problems in a marriage. I would come to an agreement as soon as possible.

Offline Pen

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #7 on: March 27, 2010, 10:35:37 AM »
If your DH is amenable, here's a suggestion that may or may not work for you: open a new account for just you and DH. Leave a little money in the old account that MIL can access. Add to it if you want, or don't. When the money runs out, close the account so you're not liable for bounced checks or whatever.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cremebrulee

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2010, 10:44:41 AM »
If your DH is amenable, here's a suggestion that may or may not work for you: open a new account for just you and DH. Leave a little money in the old account that MIL can access. Add to it if you want, or don't. When the money runs out, close the account so you're not liable for bounced checks or whatever.

I agree with Pen and the others, it seems the only solution for now...just cannot believe anyone could do, what MIL has done to you and your husband...awful...and to me, that is stealing...Kinsey...I hope this all works out...I guess there are simply some you have to stay one step ahead of and cover all angles...sad but true


Offline luise.volta

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #9 on: March 27, 2010, 10:49:17 AM »
And if your DH doesn't agree to that solution and to being up front regarding what is deposited into the old account, then It seems to me that a counselor is going to be needed because this thing may just be the tip of the iceberg.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Hope

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #10 on: March 27, 2010, 10:57:48 AM »
I couldn't agree with Luise more.

Offline Pen

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #11 on: March 27, 2010, 11:16:18 AM »
Hope, I'm sorry I didn't read your entire post before writing my own! Moving too fast this a.m. Your suggestion was first, and best :) Love you.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cocobars

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #12 on: March 27, 2010, 11:22:11 AM »
I agree with everyone, and Hope, your suggestion is much better than my scrambled one after being at work yesterday!  LOL!  I was seeing red...

Kinzey, you have so many good suggestions.  I hope you come back through and see these, and know that we're here for you.  Come back and post as often as you need to and keep us udated!

Sending big hugs your way!

Offline luise.volta

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2010, 11:24:24 AM »
I often make suggestions before reading others just to keep my perspective clear. Overlaps just reinforce. Pings!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cocobars

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Re: my mother in law is taking money from our account
« Reply #14 on: March 27, 2010, 11:26:38 AM »
HAHAHA!  Well, you must have missed mine then, because it was awful angry!