Author Topic: Father in law  (Read 3200 times)

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Meryl

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Father in law
« on: March 11, 2010, 03:02:58 PM »
My father in law died this week and we are having a memorial this weekend. This is the first time my mother in law told me she was glad I was there, that I'm family!

Marilyn

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2010, 03:13:13 PM »
Meryl,I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL. :'(

And so glad your MIL acknowledged you as family.That has to make you feel very good.

Have you totally recovered from your surgery?

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2010, 05:52:52 PM »
Isn't it amazing what it take for someone to be nice? Why, I wonder?

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

2chickiebaby

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2010, 06:24:26 PM »
Luise, it's because they want control and they can't have control if they are being nice.

I want to be like them.  I don't want to be nice anymore.  I want control.  I have tried to have a mean look on my face, I just can't do it. 

How do I do that?


cocobars

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2010, 05:49:58 AM »
Good morning, Chickie, you are precious and I couldn't imagine you being mean at all.  I don't believe control is really something anyone has - I believe it's an illusion and one that may come back to haunt the women that use it.  After all, they will be MIL's some day too.  Time does that.

I'm happy you are who you are!  This place wouldn't be the same without you being "you!" ;D

Hugging you! :)

2chickiebaby

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2010, 06:00:22 AM »
Thank you, Coco....I needed that today.  I am really caught with 2 very controlling DILs.  It must be a horrible thing to know you must be in control at all cost.  That's who they are.

The last time our son/dil came here to spend the night, they wanted other DIL and son to come over (we live in the same town). They said they would but never came.  That's the way DIL is, trying to control.

The children ran after cars that passed by that they thought were their Uncles and Aunts.!~!.  It was so very sad!!

Oh!  How can you treat kids like that and be human.

Meryl

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2010, 06:03:56 AM »
I have to say that  my MIL is nice. Problems we have had in the past were mostly my fault. I had an expectation of a close family that interacted often, and my MIL and FIL were basically hands off people. My own family is close, and probably would be considered enmeshed, and I was just used to people being around. My husband's family came off as cold to me and I misunderstood it. Once I got I couldn't change anyone, just myself, it became better.

Thanks for asking about the surgery. I have about 4 months of PT ahead of me and it's improving, just very slowly.

cremebrulee

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2010, 06:37:02 AM »
My father in law died this week and we are having a memorial this weekend. This is the first time my mother in law told me she was glad I was there, that I'm family!

awwww, that is wonderful Meryl...
I'm so sorry for your  loss...God bless you and yours...


Marilyn

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2010, 06:51:30 AM »
Meryl,I'm glad your MIL is nice.And things always seem to get better once we can accept thats just how they are.

Good to hear your improving from surgery,some times it's a long slow process.
Hope you'll be able to post more often soon :)


Offline luise.volta

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2010, 07:34:43 AM »
M - Thinking of you and sending healing Pings. I'm still recovering from the orthopedic surgery I had on Dec. 1st. I honestly believe that the love that came my way from this site...is helping me heal.

Creme - How wonderful to be acknowledged, however overdue that is. I got a birthday card from my step son thinking me for what I am offering Val at the end of his life. It's taken 20 years for him to see my value but what the heck...better late than never.

Coco - I so agree that control is an illusion...and it can look so real. No one can control how we feel or react...nor can anyone control what we think and believe. Probably the most inspiring writing I have ever read is by St. John of the Cross and he was in prison and being fed only bread and water at the time he wrote it. There are so many ways to perceive the situations in our lives. Perhaps the only time we are "in" control is when we learn that we can't control...or be controlled. The bully's tools disappear...and victims are no more. (Unless we forget...)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2010, 07:36:58 AM »
Chickie - Not only would WWU not be the same without you...it wouldn't exist, if you hadn't seen the need for it and spoken up. I love you!!! :-*
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Marilyn

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2010, 07:53:41 AM »
Luise and Chickie,I would love to hear the story of how WWU came about. :)

2chickiebaby

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2010, 08:01:08 AM »
you go first, Luise.....if you want to. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2010, 08:12:57 AM »
Well, lets see... Chickie and I met and became forever e-friends on my counseling website: www.MomResponds.com .

It doesn't lend itself to dialogue because the venue is questions and answers. She did create dialogue there with others and with me but it was cumbersome. She said there was no place on the web to dialogue without rage, judgment and accusation being involved and every attempt she had made to be heard there had been met with rejection.

So, I gave her my email address...which was a first for me...and we brainstormed on what her vision might be. We got Kirk in on it...my webmaster son...and he worked with us.  I created the design and picked the graphics and wrote the vision statement (in the upper corner of the Home page)...and Chickie was given the honor of writing the first post when we launched last year on Mother's Day.

Chickie?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

2chickiebaby

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Re: Father in law
« Reply #14 on: March 12, 2010, 08:28:05 AM »
That's right, Luise except you and Kirk did all the work and emailed me to say, "Happy Mother's Day!!"

What a wonderful day that was for me.  I was in a state of such confusion at the time and trying my best to comfort other women in my situation on her site.......anyway, thank you, Luise and Kirk for what you've done.  It is a blessing to many.  I am really not shocked at how many lives have been touch.  I am overwhelmed, though and so glad.  There was no place for people with DILs and MILs who we didn't understand.  I had hoped for some place where our heads wouldn't be bashed in the minute we walked in the door.....and here it is.

I have sometimes taken some of the comments the wrong way by the DILs and I am sorry about that but it's hard to distinguish who is my DIL and who's nice ;D