Author Topic: what to do about Christmas?  (Read 2213 times)

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Offline firelight

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what to do about Christmas?
« on: December 04, 2011, 06:30:26 PM »
My SIL has been very disrespectful and beligerent with me lately and also blatantly lied about an issue.  There are substance abuse issues on his part which are not helping at all.  I have always purchased Christmas gifts for him in the past when his behavior was better but this year I  really don't want to.  My husband says NO.  I did skip his recent birthday this year (usually just gave a card with a small amount of $ in it) because of his behavior and remarks toward me.   I just told my daughter I was skipping the birthday because he is not treating me very well and I did.  I am wondering if I should give something for Christmas for my daughter's sake or just do for her and grands and to heck with him.  My husband actually won't allow him in our home anymore so I doubt I'll see him, unless he comes to a larger family function that is coming up....Part of me wants to just not do anything for him for the holiday and another part of me feels obligated for my daughter's sake.....It seems like a no brainer doesn't it.
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

Offline luise.volta

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Re: what to do about Christmas?
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2011, 07:04:38 PM »
I'm afraid I wouldn't waste much time on him. Or give her something for the house that she wants and put both of their names on the tag.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline firelight

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Re: what to do about Christmas?
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2011, 07:23:17 PM »
Great advice....his gifts are actually in the car this minute and never made it into the house tonight....I guess I knew this answer all along.  I'm taking them back to the store tomorrow.  I'm sure my money will be better spent on something else.  I will explain gently & briefly to DD what is going on as she thinks I am getting him something (my fault she thinks this).  He just doesn't deserve it.  I will follow the advice.....it's my nature to be a "giver" so this is all new adjustments for me.  Thank you for the reinforcement.
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

Offline luise.volta

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Re: what to do about Christmas?
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2011, 07:55:51 PM »
If a dog bit us, we wouldn't give it a treat.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline firelight

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Re: what to do about Christmas?
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2011, 04:46:55 AM »
What an analogy Luise Volta!  You're a wise woman!!  No wonder this site is so successful.  ;-)
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

Offline herbalescapes

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Re: what to do about Christmas?
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2011, 06:01:57 AM »
Given your name here, you could be really trendy and eco-friendly by giving a donation in his name to a charity.  Make it in the whole family's name or small donations in DD, SIL and GK's names individually.  It'll satisfy your need to give something and you can't be accused of excluding him.  It's also more in keeping with the true meaning of Christmas.  I always like having trees planted in someone's name, but there are just a plethora of charities out there that will send the recipient a card or you can print one at home to give directly. 

Doe

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Re: what to do about Christmas?
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2011, 06:48:31 AM »
My husband says NO. 

I would rather please my DH than an uncaring SIL.    jmo

Offline firelight

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Re: what to do about Christmas?
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2011, 12:54:24 PM »
herbalscapes, I love that idea, but my DD and SIL and GK are a charity case themselves....unfortunately.  And you're correct,  it is more along the lines of the true  meaning of Christmas..... I decided to just get a Christmas card with a small gift card in it with both their names on it as they are on skid row, literally.  It certainly won't be like Christmas's past at our home (opening up lots of gifts)...I'm not even making the effort to shop this year for them.  However, I am going to keep your ideas in mind because I really love it and may actually use that in the future...I'd use it now if they weren't so broke.  SIL has 2 other kids by 2 different other mom's and now with my DD and can't put a bite of food in his own mouth.  Not that any of that is my problem, but I think they could help provide a Christmas for the GK's with the gift card.  I'm serious when I tell you this year will be like no other and have already given my daughter a heads up.  I agree with you 2 Doe, my DH is absolutely right.  The party is over for us in that respect.

I have been thinking for years to donate to either a water well (through my church) or something along those lines anyway.  This year would be a great time to start something like that.  Thanks for the reminder.  There are so many local charities too.  Even though I can't do a lot, I can do something.   Thank you both.
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~