July 22, 2019, 09:54:52 am


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contact while husband is away

Started by Kinzey, March 02, 2010, 06:56:15 am

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My husband is going to be leaving for boot camp in a few months and he and I were discussing some things that needed to be decided before he left. We got on the topic of his family and what his expectations were for me while he was at boot camp as well as when he would be gone for deployment which is pretty much a sure thing. I asked him what he would expect me to do regarding his family in the event we did not have any kids while he is gone. He told me that the only thing he asks is to call them if there is a problem but outside of that I don't have to make any sort of contact with them. My husband knows my issues with his parents and this seems reasonable to me. His parents look down on me and treat me like I am from "the other side of the tracks" because my family is not wealthy but we are by no means living in poverty but they treat me like a charity case. While my husband is gone I have no interest in making contact with them unless he gets hurt and I need to let them know since the military will only contact the wife and not the parents. I am done trying to make a relationship with them if they seem to think I'm the dirt under their feet and when my husband is gone I have no reason to talk to them. My only concern is if we have kids at the time he is deployed I don't know how manage time with them. Both them and my parents live 2 hours away from us and I would have the make trips to see them and I am really not looking forward to the idea of having to go there without my husband. I don't want to keep them away from their grandkids but I also don't want to be walked all over as well.


If you have to travel the same way to see your parents...do try a "first visit" alone with your in-laws.  Just stick your toe in the water, see if they may be decent to you for ten minutes.  If they don't or aren't reasonable to you, then you have made some effort to accommodate relations with them. "shrug"  I won't guarantee that they treat you any better than they have before ... but, YOU making an overture (even short) may start something perking in their minds or hearts.  If only to pave the way, in case something (GOD FORBID) happens to your husband and their son.  If you don't show up at all and then have to give them that news...just a whole lot of ugly.

The other question of what to do if you have a child before he gets deployed....who says you have to handle that alone?   When you visit your parents, call and invite your In-laws over to their house.  They get time with the grandbaby and you have some back up.  Or take a girl friend to help you out.   


How did we all miss your post here!

Kinzey, I'm sorry I missed this!  Well of couse you have something to think about.  I'm not sure I wold worry about it unless that day arrives because you can cross that bridge when you come to it.  It sounds like you're trying to have a baby (congratulations - hopefully if that's right ((early))). 

I wouldn't worry too much now.  I don't know how you feel about your MIL, or if your mother is in place, however if that happens I know you could come back and get some opinions here that may help you make a decision.

You don't know if you have those problems yet.  I would suggest (being that your MIL is only 2 hours away) you get together with her for an afternoon and just see how it goes (without your hubby).  You just can't tell how it will work.  My MIL was my best friend, and then I married her son!  Really.  No joke!  I'm hoping you will be as surprised as I was!   ;)