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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


WOW! Am I glad I found this site....

Started by jkm426, February 18, 2010, 06:14:08 pm

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jkm426

I have a wonderful SIL and DIL.  My FDIL, not so much.  She is determined to put me in my place(which is somewhere in outer space).  For a same example she regulates the time my son spends with me.  Only X amount of time allowed.  In their premarital counseling she told the priest I was the source all of their disagreements.
I have a very close family(parents, siblings, nieces and of course my children and grandchildren).  We get together frequently and always ask my FDIL, she will NEVER join us.  I have asked her to have lunch, get a pedicure, shop, whatever the answer is always NO!  She is rude and sulky when she and my son visit me.  She already told my son I will not be able to see any children they have as much as I see my other grandchildren. 
When I asked my son why he doesn't stand up to her, his response was " Well Mom she has the "goods"(not the exact words) and if I want it, I do what she says.  I am just so frustrated.  Thank God for my wonderful daughter-in-law and daughter. 

Pen

Wow! We're glad you're here! Sorry about the FDIL situation, though. It sounds similar to what we've all been going through. This site is amazing, and it really does help to know we have support, advice, and someone to listen whenever we need it.

Please also share your happy stories...it sounds like you have good relationships with DIL & SIL. That's great!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cocobars

Hi jkm!

This sounds horrible, and I can only imagine the word your son used in place of "goods."  You have found the right place for understanding and support. There are others on this site who will also be welcoming and replying to your post so you will get a varied response to any post you put in, but that simply gives you the choice of seeing many points of view.  Hopefully you will find some very helpful ones!  So many of the women here are going through the same thing you are!  We here are a support group for anyone with IL problems, who wants to make it through this difficult time.  We try to understand and come up with ideas to help and/or support you through this tough time!

You say you already have a great relationship with the SIL and DIL currently in your family.  You may be in for a bumpy ride with the new one though.  We are all here for you!

Have you asked your son why she acts this way toward you?  How does she get along with your current DIL and daughter?  If they get along, then I'm hoping they will have some influence on your FDIL somewhere along the way.  Keep us posted here.

You should see lots of other responses by tomorrow also!

Hang in there and take care!

cocobars

P.S.- Welcome to Wise Women Unite!  Now that you are part of our group, please feel free to choose the posts that you are interested in, grab a cup of java, and read.

I hope we can help, and somewhere I know you can help us too! :)

luise.volta

Welcome! My elder son decided I was toast when he was around 13. After he married, his wife told me one time about the serious difficulties they occasionally had and how upset she got with him. I asked her why she didn't give me a call when that happened so we could take in a movie and give her a chance to think about something else...and she said, "How can I do that? It's all your fault!" 

I'm serious!! :o
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama