Author Topic: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.  (Read 1427 times)

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blau10

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It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« on: February 09, 2010, 12:58:03 PM »
I am so happy I found your group last night.  It is so supportive to know you are not alone.  My name is Bev, I have one son and I am a grandmother to a 15 month old granddaughter and 9 year old step grandson that I have been grandma to since he was 15 months old.

Last night my son told me I can no longer be a part of my15 month old GD's life unless I apologize to her mother (I call her my dragon in law). Why apologize?  I entertained my GD (in front of them and her parents) for one hour at her 9 year old son's basketball game. If I didn't go to the basket ball games, I would only see my GD about once a month when I cooked everyone dinner. She told my son that I made her feel inadequate as a mother and she didn't like it.  She made my son believe I did this on purpose when my only intention was having fun with my GD.  Since I refuse to apologize for doing nothing wrong, I have been cut off from my GD and told not to come to any more of my Grandson's games.  This is not the first time she has done something like this.  It seems to be a yearly event around this time of the year since she was pregnant with my GD and I have always bent over to make amends.  I told my son I am not apologizing this time and he needs to make his 34 year old wife grow up and be mature. He can't do that - it is easier to tell me to play nice with her. 

by the way...I could do anything I wanted with my GS at this age except have him spend the night with me. We lived closer and I saw them a couple times a week until 2 years ago. Now they live across the street from her parents about a half hour away from me. I don't understand why that should make a difference.

Sorry for making this so long, but can some one explain her change or am I doing something I am not aware of?

Thank you,
Bev

Marilyn

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2010, 03:23:37 PM »
You came to the right place.I just found this web site myself maybe a week ago.I thought i was the only one having problems like this.Our DIL's our so immature and insecure.You don't have to feel so alone any more.I hope your not as beaten down as some of us have been also.Hopefully you can gain enough insight to protect your heart from being totally stomped on.Try starting a new post,click on new topic. That way every one can see your here.I don't think any one realizes you just found us.
I would also not put your real name in here.

Glad your here,post away,your going to get a lot of help and understanding.

blau10

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2010, 06:41:04 PM »
Thank you so much Mom in Waiting. 

cocobars

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2010, 08:26:10 PM »
That was a really awful welcome.  I have to tell you that we really appreciate where you are coming from here as many of us have come stumbling through the door in the same state you are in, holding the pain and confusion, you have.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I can only hope to extend to you the compassion and understanding we all came through this door in search of.

Welcome blau10!  I hope you find comfort here. 

P.S- I just re-read this and my wording at the begining is about a post I withdrew because it was silly and I didn't want you to feel we weren't taking you seriously!  I apologise for the remark at the begining.  I hope you didn't take it wrong.  This P.S. is an edit, but I didn't want to delete the remark without you catching it and knowing what it related to. :)



« Last Edit: February 12, 2010, 10:14:13 AM by cocobars »

Offline luise.volta

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2010, 08:03:04 AM »
Welcome! What a nasty situation to be hog-tied "just because." Just because what? Why? One thing I have learned is that most of these questions remain unanswered. We look for logic. Ha!!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Marilyn

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2010, 08:10:37 AM »
Blau10,did you notice the change after they moved across the street from her parents?I know for a FACT my DIL's mother has caused a lot of the problems i have had with my son and DIL.She is the Alpha dog of the family and it is very obvious to every one.And a few of my DIL's family members have came to me, pointing out what she does.

I'm so sorry you have to be going thru this.About 5yrs ago my son quit talking to me.My DIL went into one of her rage's,and attacked me,but not in front of him naturally.I had kept my mouth shut for years about the way she talked to me,but after that attack i had to talk to him.I stayed very calm,and told him what she said. I found out that they had been fighting for quite some time,about her outburst with him.Well what i told my son she denied,and wanted a divorce........so he quit talking to me.I wrote him a letter and made sure i did not say any thing bad about her.He called and we worked it out,and said he hoped DIL would apologise to me,and what ever happened that day was between her and i.He just wanted a new start.So at least we are on speaking terms,but we all walk on egg shells even my son,just to keep peace.
Maybe you could try writing a letter to your son.
If you go to Problems with Sons and DIL's and start a new topic,i'm sure you are going to get sooooooo much help,the woman here are wonderful.I want you to get some more input from them also.

Marilyn

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2010, 09:20:54 AM »
Another thing Blau10,you said this started when your DIL was pregnant with GD.I'm so glad you found this web site.I have been dealing with this for 6yrs,some twice as long and longer.Your going to get a lot of knowledge,and support,hopefully you gain some peace of mind a lot sooner,and it doesn't drag out as long as ours have.The longer it goe's on, the more it destroys our life.

I checked back ALL day yesterday looking for you.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2010, 09:24:21 AM »
That's an excellent point. Being at the effect of such insanity can cause serious emotional and physical damage.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

blau10

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2010, 07:34:58 PM »
Thank you everyone.  It is nice to have your support.  I feel better everytime I read how everyone is supporting each other on this site. 

My DIL most definitely changed when she moved across the street from her parents. And her divorced best friend lives with her parents right next door.  My son is definetly out numbered.  Her mother does create problems and is very bossy.  Her family seems to accept this and will even make jokes about it. The girlfriend has said her MIL was a big cause of her divorce.  So I know I can't win.  All I want is to be respected and allowed to be a grandma to my GD and GS. I'll leave everyone else alone.  My son calls me everyday on his commute...he's not allowed to call me from home for years if she's there. I don't know what I would do if my son cuts off his communication with me.  I think he feels the same way.  We don't talk about the dil so we don't argue.

In the past I let her meaness stress me out and I cried day and night for weeks on end. This time I decided it is not healthy so I can not allow her to get me upset like that again.  I am trying to keep my emotions out of the actions.  When I get down, I pull up this site and start reading everyone elses problems and I feel like I have friends I'm talking with and I can put my problems aside.

Again Thank You everyone for being there for me.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2010, 07:41:28 PM »
" We Are Fammmileeee...!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cremebrulee

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Re: It is so supportive to know you are not alone.
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2010, 11:09:42 AM »
blau10

Welcome, it's good to have you here, however, I am very sad to hear, your going thru this problem and hopefully we will be able to support each other and help each other learn...

If you don't mind me asking, what were the reasons your DIL went off on you, exactly what happened?  If it is to painful to relive and write about, then please know, it's ok....

I'm thinking the reason your son calls you on his way to work is b/c it's less intimidating for him to do so, otherwise, he would feel uncomfortable, b/c he knows she is listening, looking for reasons to get upset, or perhaps once when he did call you in front of her, she went ballistic on him afterwards?  Or acts/pretends to be hurt...



thanks
creme

« Last Edit: February 12, 2010, 11:12:30 AM by cremebrulee »