June 17, 2019, 06:50:44 am


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

How to move forward?

Started by renny97, February 06, 2010, 11:39:53 am

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


I was wondering how to move forward in a healthy and positive way?

I want to be joyful and feel like Spring, ya know. I am tired of heavy emotions. I think because I am vulnerable in so many other ways now. I have kinda said my peace to son, and realize I have to change my reaction and not hold in emotions so I don't react to their manipulation. Doesn't seem like it "should be" this hard.


That sounds really healthy to me. One way to move forward is just what you are doing...interact with others and contribute to their lives. We have such an opportunity to do that here. Yes, we unload and get help and support...but we also listen and encourage. We can do that lots of other places, too, in our lives...in our contacts with others...everywhere we go. Spring is coming and it is already in your heart.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


You're doing it Renny!  You have been working so hard here and I see you putting every effort into yourself and your well being!  Moving forward isn't always easy, but it is "easier" knowing you're loved, supported and accepted! 

Keep lightening your load as much as you can and just try to be happy.  Happiness is contagious!  The good thing about it is even when you're down, just making yourself smile makes you feel better/lighter.  Have you ever noticed that? 

Go ahead, just try it!  See how that feels? ;D ;D ;D ;D


Good Afternoon,
I awoke to the feeling of having dreamed yesterday. As I started my morning coffee, I thought of the insight received here. Without the support here, I would have felt like everything was my fault. I will not be a victim anymore.

I came to the realization that the past cannot be brought up. People can change, but not for someone else.

I have decided that I won't attend any gatherings involving his extended fam. I don't see any other resolution. I will send something through the mail or take a day or two earlier. I feel better just thinking of them all sitting around with their "wonderful, social" selves..lol and me, home.
Will make it known to DS, that he is welcome here anytime. It has just become too much over there.

If GC want to see me, DS can bring them. If they are poisoned against me, then there is nothing I can do. I think I am beginning to see that I am connected through son, but yet, separate, and therefore, can make my own decisions, about "how" I want to be connected and I am not required to be around his extended family. I think there is a societal expectation that we need to get along. Sometimes, that just isn't possible. I think that is what I struggled with. It ain't gonna happen. If they will criticize me, then they will. I accept that now. If ya let someone blackmail you, they will. Acceptance, is freeing.

That is my new insight for today. Sometimes, it is better to backoff and let be. Whatever works for others, doesn't have to work for me. It doesn't have to be done with anger. Nothing feels forced. Peace at last. They can do whatever they please, I can still love my DS. They can't take that.

If they teach the GC to call people names; nothing I can do. Acceptance. I can live with myself.

Another thought; they can't call me names anymore! I won't be there! Yes!


Good for you, Renny!  Since I found this site this is the kind of attitude that I've developed and I haven't gone back, it feels good doesn't it? We have a long way to go but this is the beginning of the healing process. I'm sure my son is thinking "what the heck is going on with her?".
Hang in there my friend, and stay positive, we'll make it!


Thats what I have done too Renny.

And I agree with guest one,it  feels good!!!!

So that is three of us,must be something to it!!!!


Congratulations you guys! I once told my son that I was helpless and there was nothing I could do about something...I forgot what it was. I "simply had no choice." But he said "You always have a choice, Mom, you just might not like the consequences."

You are standing tall, all three of you! No tire marks on you..no more! You're not going to lie down and let others run over you! BRAVO!!!

What a lovely declaration of self-respect. Beautiful!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Thank you Luise,I have come to the conclusion,if it doesn't feel right,doesn't bring me joy,get rid of it!!!! I focus on what,and who does bring joy in my life.I DESERVE to be happy and joyful.


 :) Smiling from my heart today.

I tried posting, and it wouldn't, so I hope this one does.

I continue to have "Ah-Ha" moments today. I believe son's in-laws treat situation as a "business." I am not going to dwell on them too much longer. But, I want to understand the "lesson."

They moved people around like a game. It wasn't coming from deep emotion. That is where I made the error in thinking that that was their intention. It was about control and strategy. It did not matter who they "ran over." It is about appearances. I made it too complex finding it hard to imagine that people are capable of such manipulation; since, it isn't something I practice.

I finally GET IT! Wow. Lightbulb stuff, here. lol. I am feeling the joy return. It seemed hard knowing things weren't right that surrounded my son. But, that is where the "mother" stuff has to go out the window. I have to love and let go. That goes against a mother's grain. He's made decisions and I am to be here when need be only. That is a good thing. I will remain a misfit to those people, and I am proud to be so.


Thanks, All.


This topic has been very helpful to me, so thank you all from another proud "misfit."
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


February 07, 2010, 01:16:54 pm #10 Last Edit: February 07, 2010, 01:42:02 pm by renny97
 ;) "Set it free; if it comes back, it was meant to be."  :) Misfits Rock!  8)


Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Quote from: luise.volta on February 07, 2010, 01:41:23 pm
Amen, Sistahs!!!  ;D ;D ;D

"Don't wait for someone to bring you flowers; plant your own garden."  ;)

Suddenly, I am filled with metaphors! LOL  :)


Sometimes, you just have to refuse to give another person the power to control your emotions.  Focus on the things and people that add to your life in a positive way.  We can not ignore the problem, however we can "place it in a box" and deal with it on the days we feel it will be easier to deal with.  Because our children are rooted in our hearts, the hurt will "well up" from time to time.   I pray a lot and try to give the problems I can not solve to God.  I look at them from time to time, however try not to let them become the focus of my life.  I - we all -  :) deserve better circumstances! 


Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama