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DIL is "NICE?"

Started by cocobars, February 04, 2010, 03:45:39 pm

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cocobars

OK.  I need advice and I need it bad.  As you know my son moved back in with me and I hadn't talked to him without DIL controlling every conversation until now.  I'm sure DIL knows how I feel because DS and I have had some conversations since he's been here.  She's been trying to get him back though, I think?

My problem is this.  She is suddenly buying groceries and sending them here.  Stuff I already have in the house (I'm military and can take advantage of comissary prices).  I've thanked her (just today), but I don't really know how to act...

Any advice would be appreciated :-\

2chickiebaby

She's trying to get him back....end of story, Coco.  Try to say nothing to her or to him!! Very important!!

cocobars

I've already stumbled through telling her that it was a very nice gesture, him too!  I don't want to seem ungrateful and don't want to stoop to her level.  I just have reservations...

I'm not too sure how to handle this?

2chickiebaby

Coco, don't say anything to her that would be held against you later. Just bite your tongue.

Orly

Thank her. 
What I'd do after that (bout a week down the road or so), I'd  quietly take the duplicates down to the local food bank.  That's just what I would do.

My hubby's grandparents use to do this to us....bring things we had already and we were living with limited storage space...we just couldn't keep it all.  Their hearts were in the right place, we just couldn't keep it or use it up.

cocobars

Thanks!  I'm very good at that (well, in person).  LOL!  I don't know how to take this sudden change though.  Do you think DS talked to her???  Do you think she really understood how she was acting?

luise.volta

Tricky situation. Whatever you do or say can be turned against you in a nono-second....by one or both of them. I think I would leave it up to DS to interface with her so you don't get caught in the middle. Ask him if that makes sense to him. It's their marriage that is breaking up.

I agree with C/B that you need as much distance as possible.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cocobars

Quote from: Orly on February 04, 2010, 03:58:29 pm
Thank her. 
What I'd do after that (bout a week down the road or so), I'd  quietly take the duplicates down to the local food bank.  That's just what I would do.

My hubby's grandparents use to do this to us....bring things we had already and we were living with limited storage space...we just couldn't keep it all.  Their hearts were in the right place, we just couldn't keep it or use it up.

I already thanked her and told her how sweet she was to think of our hoursehold????

cocobars

Quote from: luise.volta on February 04, 2010, 03:59:55 pm
Tricky situation. Whatever you do or say can be turned against you in a nono-second....by one or both of them. I think I would leave it up to DS to interface with her so you don't get caught in the middle. Ask him if that makes sense to him. It's their marriage that is breaking up.

I agree with C/B that you need as much distance as possible.

DS was there when I thanked her and told her how sweet it was to think of our household here.  I said it to both of them. 


cocobars

I am ALL ears...  A little sceerd, but all ears.  I need all the help I can get!

Orly

Coco,

Ok you were right on top of the thanks...the son and Dil were there to hear you....will you son really know what is in your pantry?  Does any guy really know what is in there?  Mine look in and see nothing and then are surprised when a dinner is pulled together from the stuff that "wasn't" in there.  They just don't see it.

cocobars

This is so true Orly.  He has nothing to do with food.  I'm the food person here!

Balloon goes halfway down....

cocobars

Quote from: luise.volta on February 04, 2010, 03:59:55 pm
Tricky situation. Whatever you do or say can be turned against you in a nono-second....by one or both of them. I think I would leave it up to DS to interface with her so you don't get caught in the middle. Ask him if that makes sense to him. It's their marriage that is breaking up.

I agree with C/B that you need as much distance as possible.

I'm taking your lead.  I really don't know what to think of all this and can't let myself trust it.  My heart is in my throat.

Orly

Then best bet would to be to wait and see.   Wait and see if DIL brings more next week or two weeks from now.  If she does,  once again thank her in front of your son.   Then sit your son down and discuss the financial ramifications of buying groceries, without the commissary discount, later when you have that alone time.  Then let him handle the DIL bearing gifts.

Orly

I also think this is one of those "go with the flow" instances.  Stop lifting up the BOUNTY and looking for that time bomb under it.   Try not and worry about it until it pops up again.