Author Topic: Just found out  (Read 5005 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Just found out
« on: February 03, 2010, 07:42:59 AM »
Just found out my DIL came home for thanksgiving of last year, while my son was away working....she never came by with my GD...and stayed with my son's father and his wife....

sheeesh....

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2010, 07:50:57 AM »
Creme, that is so hurtful.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  It makes me have a knot in my stomach and it isn't really my situation!  I can only imagine how that feels for you!

Is there some way of talking to your son's father and his wife to see if they know what the problem is?  Maybe they have heard something and could help you understand...

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2010, 08:16:36 AM »
Creme?  You ok?

Marilyn

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2010, 08:32:38 AM »
I don't understand why DIL's feel threatened by us.

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2010, 08:55:16 AM »
I don't  understand how anyone can be so hateful to keep a grand daughter away...when she became pregnant, I was told by two friends, one my sister, that they were afraid, she would use my GD to hurt me...

It just never ends...

Coco
I'm ok, just feel frumpy....thank you

Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4400
    • View Profile
Re: Just found out
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2010, 08:58:53 AM »
That's so rude and hurtful. I don't understand how some people can be so cruel and heartless. Unless the MIL is a dangerous criminal, DIL could 'suck it up' for a couple of hours and bring the GKs by. My goodness. And using children to get back at someone? That's a form of abuse, IMHO.

Maybe we MILs have it all wrong - we should just do what we want, when we want without regard to anyone else's feelings. Treat others like subhuman pieces of you know what. Could you do that? I don't think I could! How can they???

I don't like finding out these things, but I want to know. My DH would rather not know. I wish I could be more like him.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2010, 09:05:19 AM »
Thank you girls, right now I'm still shaking...tell you what, I could understand if I were into drugs or drank alot...or was harmful, or unstable....but this?  What did I ever do to deserve this...and how can my son live with himself and allow this...he's working his arse off and she gets on a plane and flys home...she refuses to get a decent job with benifits that requires her to work everyday...she is a spritzer girl in a mall and works maybe, once a month, and during the christmas holidays...and she spends more then she makes....how can you do that to your husband, and why oh why does he put up with it....????


cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2010, 03:42:16 AM »
I went home last night and felt awful....cried and cried...I know, it was last Thanksgiving that she was home...however, it doesn't take away the fact of how desperately  she wants to hurt me...by keeping my GD away from me...what breaks the heart, is that son, allows this, and doesn't put down his foot and tell her, Listen, she watched her for you every weekend, when you were home....for a year....then she was good enough, and then, during that time, she behaved herself towards me...at the very least, he should tell her, this is going to stop....you don't have to like my mother, but you can be civil and act like a normal DIL in the small amount of time we're around....so, take our daughter to visit her.....

but no...I was more angry and hurt, by my son last night, then I have been in a long time...I cannot believe he goes on, saying nothing, doing nothing...allowing this woman, to hurt the lives of others....

I cannot believe this is the same loving son I raised...ladies, it hurts awful....doesn't it....like I said, good days and bad days....awful....

what does a human being get, out of hating that much, and wanting to hurt someone that much?

« Last Edit: February 04, 2010, 03:44:39 AM by cremebrulee »

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2010, 04:25:24 AM »
I'm so sorry, Creme.  I know how this hurts.  I am so low too that I feel like I'm just dying.  My DIL pulls this stuff all the time.

I have gone down so fast that it scares me. I am quite dramatic...but was a lot of fun.  People loved my dramatic ways and I got laughs, which I thrived on, all the time.  I had such a great sense of humor.

It seems like that's a joke now.  I try to keep my mouth shut and behave like a different person but I am very tenderhearted and hurt for others, which seems to bother the DIL, both of them.  I'm trying to be different but because of whatever happened to me growing up, I can't seem to change.   I can feel the DILs disapproval of me. The sons once adored that part of me.  We had so much fun together.

They were so proud of all my accomplishments and seemed to really love being with me.  Now, I can tell, their view of me is different.  I don't know why I was thrown away. Thrown away.  They knew that would kill me and it has.

I had a tragic childhood, just like yours.  I don't think I can take this.

Marilyn

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2010, 07:17:52 AM »
Creme,i feel so bad for you,actually i feel so bad for every one on here.We don't even know each other,and it's so easy to have compassion,understanding,and heart ache for one another.It's so hard,when you know they do this stuff just to hurt us.Can you talk to your son's father and see if they know anything?

Sassy

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2010, 07:32:56 AM »
Creme,

I have been thinking about your words.  I wish I could see you in person to comfort you, I think I could get my idea across better.  I once found out that an ex-boyfriend had cheated on me, while he and I were still together, with my (supposed) very good friend.  I found out 2 years after it happened.   It was the oddest feeling being upset over a guy I didn't even like (he was an ex for a reason).  And people the "friend" and I knew in common, thought I was unreasonable for choosing not to associate with "friend" anymore over such old news.   Over an old drunken party hook-up?.   "Get over it." He probably cheated on you with others anyway.    You have a history with her since then, friendship's more important.  It's not like you ended up with the guy anyway, blah blah.   Feeling betrayed at a part of your past you didn't even know you had, is baffling and strange!  You end up chiding yourself for feeling anything over the fools.

I feel like know the shock of your feelings.  The logical part of me is like, well, you haven't had a relationship with DIL in years.  It's not that she did something because of any reason (like you said, you're not a drunk, druggy) other than maintain the status of what was already going on.  She literally did nothing.   As she has been doing for 3 years, so why would this day be any different than the days before or since.  She can do nothing there or nothing here, it's the same. She's a cold petty fish in any town.  There is no love lost. 

And if we look at this in context, with such a cold fish, her usual saying and doing nothing...  may have even spared you worse pain.  Who knows what tall tales this woman was capable of stirring up from such a visit, without DS there (the weird baby rocking in the corner comes to mind).

Your son is out of the country.  For work and career.  He can't make his wife do what he would obviously like to do, if he was there to do it.  He can't make her do anything.   He was not there to have a visit with your grand daughter.  Creme, I think you can know 100% for sure that he would have brought your grand daughter by if he was there.  He loves you, he knows what's important to you, and he absolutely would not have come to your town without doing that.  Do you recognize that truth?  Inside the hurt, can you see that truth there?  I think that is where to focus.  The truth of an anguished but very real and authentic love.

I'm sorry for your heartbreak!

2chickiebaby

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #11 on: February 04, 2010, 07:46:19 AM »
What a kind heart you have, Sassy.

cocobars

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2010, 07:59:47 AM »
I have been thinking about your words.  I wish I could see you in person to comfort you, I think I could get my idea across better.  I once found out that an ex-boyfriend had cheated on me, while he and I were still together, with my (supposed) very good friend.  I found out 2 years after it happened.   It was the oddest feeling being upset over a guy I didn't even like (he was an ex for a reason).  And people the "friend" and I knew in common, thought I was unreasonable for choosing not to associate with "friend" anymore over such old news.   Over an old drunken party hook-up?.   "Get over it." He probably cheated on you with others anyway.    You have a history with her since then, friendship's more important.  It's not like you ended up with the guy anyway, blah blah.   Feeling betrayed at a part of your past you didn't even know you had, is baffling and strange!  You end up chiding yourself for feeling anything over the fools.

I feel like know the shock of your feelings.  The logical part of me is like, well, you haven't had a relationship with DIL in years.  It's not that she did something because of any reason (like you said, you're not a drunk, druggy) other than maintain the status of what was already going on.  She literally did nothing.   As she has been doing for 3 years, so why would this day be any different than the days before or since.  She can do nothing there or nothing here, it's the same. She's a cold petty fish in any town.  There is no love lost. 

And if we look at this in context, with such a cold fish, her usual saying and doing nothing...  may have even spared you worse pain.  Who knows what tall tales this woman was capable of stirring up from such a visit, without DS there (the weird baby rocking in the corner comes to mind).

Your son is out of the country.  For work and career.  He can't make his wife do what he would obviously like to do, if he was there to do it.  He can't make her do anything.   He was not there to have a visit with your grand daughter.  Creme, I think you can know 100% for sure that he would have brought your grand daughter by if he was there.  He loves you, he knows what's important to you, and he absolutely would not have come to your town without doing that.  Do you recognize that truth?  Inside the hurt, can you see that truth there?  I think that is where to focus.  The truth of an anguished but very real and authentic love.

I'm sorry for your heartbreak!
Sassy, I am more impressed with your compassion and advice every time I read one of your posts!  As far as your ex-friend goes, I believe your friends (or whoever was advising you) were wrong.  Even years later betrayal can feel fresh when it comes from two people you obvioiusly trusted with your heart (your friend and your boyfriend).  I agree with your decision to have nothing to do with that friend anymore.  If she were going to have such thoughts (even if drinking which I think is an excuse more often than not), it will happen again.  I know that sounds cold, but you are the captain of your own soul here.  It's up to you to surround yourself with positive, caring people.  I believe your valid in your feelings here.  I know we are supposed to "forgive and foget" but I really think forgetting is not always called for. 

I agree with this advice Creme.  Your son "WOULD HAVE" been there at your home if he were not out of town.  Your DIL is just winning when she can make you feel so unwanted and unloved.  Don't let that happen.  You were a wonderful and caring mother.  You know it and we know that!  Don't let her make you feel unloved, and don't forget these DIL's (like her) study you for years in order to get rid of your influence.  Maybe I'm wrong and I hope someone tells me if I am.  I just don't think that is coming from your son.  I believe we have a special bond with our sons that nobody can erase forever.  Maybe for a time, but not forever.  My son came back home.  He was finally able to talk to me.  I hadn't had a conversation with him when she was with him because she controlled them.  I know I still have a son that truly loves me.  I was wondering too for so long.  This is so wrong that these women are so jealous.  Please don't let this hurt you. Try to see it for what it is.  It's just wrong and you don't deserve it.  Neither does your son.

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #13 on: February 04, 2010, 08:07:50 AM »
I'm so sorry, Creme.  I know how this hurts.  I am so low too that I feel like I'm just dying.  My DIL pulls this stuff all the time.

I have gone down so fast that it scares me. I am quite dramatic...but was a lot of fun.  People loved my dramatic ways and I got laughs, which I thrived on, all the time.  I had such a great sense of humor.

It seems like that's a joke now.  I try to keep my mouth shut and behave like a different person but I am very tenderhearted and hurt for others, which seems to bother the DIL, both of them.  I'm trying to be different but because of whatever happened to me growing up, I can't seem to change.   I can feel the DILs disapproval of me. The sons once adored that part of me.  We had so much fun together.

They were so proud of all my accomplishments and seemed to really love being with me.  Now, I can tell, their view of me is different.  I don't know why I was thrown away. Thrown away.  They knew that would kill me and it has.

I had a tragic childhood, just like yours.  I don't think I can take this.

Thank you Chickie
It all seems so senseless...so useless, what a waste of life, yanno...to hurt someone?

cremebrulee

  • Guest
Re: Just found out
« Reply #14 on: February 04, 2010, 08:09:14 AM »
Creme,i feel so bad for you,actually i feel so bad for every one on here.We don't even know each other,and it's so easy to have compassion,understanding,and heart ache for one another.It's so hard,when you know they do this stuff just to hurt us.Can you talk to your son's father and see if they know anything?

Hello Mominwaiting....thank you for the hugs
and yes, we are all in the same boat, and it sure does help to know, we can set sail for one another...