Author Topic: I Need A Hobby  (Read 6455 times)

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Victim

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I Need A Hobby
« on: January 23, 2010, 01:51:28 AM »
My counsellor told me that I need to get a hobby, that I have too much time on my hands. Is my day really that different then any other woman in her mid 70's?

What do you girls do with your day? what are your hobbies? Any ideas of how I can fill up my life a bit more?

I never had a career, I don't even have much of an education to speak of, mainly due to growing up in war times. I take a lot of walks, knit alot of slippers that just sit around because I have no friends to give them to.

My counsellor thinks that tormenting my DIL was my hobby? That her career and education is a part of why I resent her so. Does that make any sense? Or is my counsellor being mean to me?

Invisible

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2010, 07:17:47 AM »
Survivor,

Could be some truth to what your counselor suggests. We can not find our happiness through others. Happiness is supposed to come within ourselves. I worked my intire life....until my son died. I am too young to retire and completely unmotivated to find employment. I am no longer motived by acquiring new "stuff."  Yes, I know I am depressed. What mother wouldn't be?

I have thought about volenterring however I am reclusive and not ready to take on the world.

Yes, your counselor has made a good suggestion. You need to find a hobby....join a gym, volunteer, make arts and crafts and sell those slippers at the swap shop, plant a vegetable garden in the spring. I walk everyday...sometimes I cry and walk. Walking has been my therapy.

My counsellor told me that I need to get a hobby, that I have too much time on my hands. Is my day really that different then any other woman in her mid 70's?

What do you girls do with your day? what are your hobbies? Any ideas of how I can fill up my life a bit more?

I never had a career, I don't even have much of an education to speak of, mainly due to growing up in war times. I take a lot of walks, knit alot of slippers that just sit around because I have no friends to give them to.

My counsellor thinks that tormenting my DIL was my hobby? That her career and education is a part of why I resent her so. Does that make any sense? Or is my counsellor being mean to me?

Orly

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2010, 07:20:44 AM »
Survivor,
Go to your local community college and become a non-traditional student, you'll be surprised how many there are and you'll fit right in.  Go ahead and get a broader education. 

 Learn to do pottery, since it isn't as easy as it looks, you can work your frustrations out on that clay.  Knit for your local shelter or hospital, they can use your production of knitted hats or slippers. HECK, teach a knitting class at your local Senior Center!  Learn a new craft....plastic canvas, needlepoint, crocheting, heirloom sewing, get a kit and try something different.  If you have a local needlepoint shop, they usually have classes in shop, a nice way to meet new friends too.  Take a tap dancing class.  Try yoga.  Try Tai'Chi.  Volunteer at your local animal shelter....those puppies and kitties need a tender hand stroking them.   Volunteer at your local library as a "reader", try out for the spot of the story lady.  See if your local school has the "Room Grandmother/father" program....that is where you go into class and help out the little kids. 
« Last Edit: January 23, 2010, 02:07:59 PM by Orly »

Offline isitme?

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2010, 07:27:33 AM »
Survivor, I think Orly has some great ideas.    Are you able to get around easily?  If so then I think you should just get out there and do stuff!  And I'd love to hear about it!  I'm sure a lot of other people  here would too. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2010, 08:48:38 AM »
This is a hobby, Survivor. Being interested in what's going on with other people, interacting with them, lending an e-hand to those reaching out can be therapeutic. It's an e-community.

For me, a 82 and 10/12ths, a non-profit retirement community has made a huge difference in my life. Some of us are low-income, some are loaded. Nobody seems to care which. I've been here 10 years. We volunteer when we want to and are entertained if that appeals. those who are interested can  take trips near and far together. We visit with neighbors...I'm in a four-plex. We go to support groups. It's endless and everyone does as much or as little as they choose. We have a Thrift Shop where we can work and a ceramic shop and crocheted slippers would go to the needy. We all feel useful. I think that is what promotes health. It's become my extended family. There are over 350 of us on a large, forested, rural campus on a bluff looking over Puget Sound in WA state.

To get a sense of it and other similar places, go to: www.warmbeach.org Yup, that's a picture of me on the home page. LOL!

To me, isolation is the greatest enemy. I love my privacy and solitude but they are a choice, just like a swimming class or waiting table in our restaurant is. Choice is a many-spendored thing.

Sending love... :D 
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pen

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2010, 09:40:53 AM »
Everyone has their own situations, with limits and wide-open possiblilities in varied amounts. Luise, I love your descriptions of your residence. I've always loved that part of the country, and I can sit and watch the lighting change over a beautiful landscape for hours (AKA "watching paint dry" LOL.) It sounds like a very special place, with enough activities to keep you active and vital.

But even with limits regarding neighbors, activities, nature, need for reclusiveness or whatever, Survivor, if you're online here you can be online anywhere! There are a lot of online classes and groups to join, such as arts & crafts, book clubs, computer skills. Some of the tutorials are free if you look. It might give you a place to start, to find out what you're interested in.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Invisible

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2010, 09:47:47 AM »
luise.volta I did not know you are a celebrity. Your home is beautiful thank you for sharing it with us.

Yes, there is a difference between being alone or just lonely. Seems your community takes care of everyone...lucky you!

This is a hobby, Survivor. Being interested in what's going on with other people, interacting with them, lending an e-hand to those reaching out can be therapeutic. It's an e-community.

For me, a 82 and 10/12ths, a non-profit retirement community has made a huge difference in my life. Some of us are low-income, some are loaded. Nobody seems to care which. I've been here 10 years. We volunteer when we want to and are entertained if that appeals. those who are interested can  take trips near and far together. We visit with neighbors...I'm in a four-plex. We go to support groups. It's endless and everyone does as much or as little as they choose. We have a Thrift Shop where we can work and a ceramic shop and crocheted slippers would go to the needy. We all feel useful. I think that is what promotes health. It's become my extended family. There are over 350 of us on a large, forested, rural campus on a bluff looking over Puget Sound in WA state.

To get a sense of it and other similar places, go to: www.warmbeach.org Yup, that's a picture of me on the home page. LOL!

To me, isolation is the greatest enemy. I love my privacy and solitude but they are a choice, just like a swimming class or waiting table in our restaurant is. Choice is a many-spendored thing.

Sending love... :D

cocobars

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2010, 08:25:17 PM »
I'm with Luise.  You can view being a hermit as isolation (due to loneliness), or it can be solitude!  I like my solitude and I guess when I'm not working I'm a bit of a hermit.  Not that I always am, just that it's what I enjoy.  I do quite a bit of gardening like invisible, have vegetables, flowers and herbs.  I love to cook!  Lov to bake - anything in the kitchen!  At the end of the day I walk.  Then, weather permitting, I'm on the patio enjoying a good book!  Being a bit on the nerdy side, the book is usually a self help book, a novel, or it's something spiritual.

But basically a hobby would be something that you love doing!  Like Luise said, this site is a hobby.  Sometimes by helping others or reaching out to them, you ultimately end up helping yourself in that process.

Survivor, if you like knitting or crocheting, why don't you look into donating those slippers to the nearest hospital for the patients?  I used to go by the hospitals dressed as a clown and take hand-crocheted gifts and balloons to the children who were stuck there on holidays.  Some of the nurses started calling me to come in when they would get a special child there!  It became alot of fun AND turned out to be a hobby!  Look around you for things that make you happy and expand the ideas...

Orly

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2010, 09:53:02 PM »
I myself, am a homebody. 

 I love to do alot of different handicrafts....usually have one project going in each one I do.  Love to read.  The gardening skills are mostly weeding....have the famous "black thumb of death" to plants.  I do the fixing up stuff, painting, wallpapering etc. Am slow in getting repairs done or outside projects done...but get them eventually completed.   Not much on shopping....like to look, don't care for much of what I see, so don't buy.   I do like to collect those handicraft patterns and have quite a few from the turn of the century, um...the 1800's to 1900's. 

 Love to cruise the web....my boys have gotten me hooked on playing a web game, so I get to interact with the younger members of the family there....yes,  the family computer people like to play there, plus we catch up on what is going on.


Offline Pen

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2010, 09:49:31 AM »
I used to have hobbies - lately I haven't been putting in the effort. I come home from work so drained that I can barely put a meal together for DH & I, even when it's already in the crockpot :) Back in the day I loved to draw and paint; gardening was enjoyable, as was settling in with a good book.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cremebrulee

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2010, 04:24:02 AM »
I've grown into a homebody...but used to be very active...loved to travel, and now, that I'm in a 55+ community, well, frankly I have home expenses which I didn't have before...and I'm happy, gardening, cooking, having dinner parties...spending a lot of time with my dog going for walks...and company, however, I would love to live where Luise lives...Luise, you are very very lucky, it looks stunning!  And you are wise to be active, keeps the mind fresh and motivated. 

I love to sew...crochet, although I haven't had time to do so...been painting and decorating....

So, Survivor, there is so much life out there, so many things to do...I so enjoy traveling alone...and there are fabulous bus trips organized, by your local tour bus travel center in your area.  They get the best seats for plays, and the best motels/hotels for over night sight seeing tours....they are lots of fun and you meet a lot of really great people....plan a trip...it give the body, mind and spirit something wonderful to look forward to, and we humans so need that...if we dont' keep ourselves busy, or stop making plans to do things, well, it's just not healthy for our spirits, yanno?

peggyrice@triad.rr.com

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2010, 03:57:40 PM »
It is never too late to add a little education at the local community college.  I am suprised at the number of people my age - 55 -that are actively involved there.  I love gardening, cross stitch, crochet, panting and just taking care of my home.  I am really "family oriented" - I think that is why this rift with the DIL is so disturbing to me.  Over the years, the children and I have overcome many obstacles and this is the first "stand off" that has cropped up.  We have always talked our way through it.  I blame the DIL because the reaction is so not like "us".  It feels like she is breaking the family.....

Offline Pen

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2010, 10:25:50 PM »
CG, I know what you mean about "breaking the family." It happened so quickly my head and heart could not catch up, and I'm still reeling.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cremebrulee

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2010, 04:02:44 AM »
It is never too late to add a little education at the local community college.  I am suprised at the number of people my age - 55 -that are actively involved there.  I love gardening, cross stitch, crochet, panting and just taking care of my home.  I am really "family oriented" - I think that is why this rift with the DIL is so disturbing to me.  Over the years, the children and I have overcome many obstacles and this is the first "stand off" that has cropped up.  We have always talked our way through it.  I blame the DIL because the reaction is so not like "us".  It feels like she is breaking the family.....

I know the feeling, and she is breaking the family....but like Luise said, what helps me, is understanding the whys of why she is doing it....yanno, it's kinda sad when you think about it...that these women really do not know any better, due to how they were raised...so, the lesson in this is, be so thankful we had close family and experienced the love we were shown, the respect we were expected to project to others, and, to know, that our choices, can effect so many other lives in a good or bad way....I mean, think about it, can you imagine, just for a moment, how sad our DIL's lives must have been to hate us that much, to actually break up families...due to self imposition, jealousy, immaturity...put yourself in her place for a moment, can you imagine how angry they must be, deep inside...to want to hurt others like this and to actually be able to live with it?  If hurting us, makes them happy, what kind of life is that?  If winning, meaning, they've managed to turn our son's against us...what kind of life would that be, and even worse...how lonely and sad....

A lot of these women, never had love before, or were able to love, so now they have it, and they're going to hold onto it, no matter what or who they hurt....plus, they mold they're husband's into they're idea of what love is...which doesn't give they're husband's very much, does it...they are controlling, and afraid...and if they loose control, they feel like they're whole world would fall apart....so, they get what they want by manipulation, pretending, and playing a part...I bet, inside, they don't even know who they are really....so, we've got so much to be thankful for....we often talk over Christmas dinner, how fortunate we were, and what a good childhood we had....and we did...we really did....

Stand tall my friend...no matter what....

Hugs to ya,
creme
« Last Edit: February 09, 2010, 04:08:11 AM by cremebrulee »

cocobars

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Re: I Need A Hobby
« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2010, 05:20:09 AM »
What a nice post, Creme!  I totally agree!  Understanding the "why's" doesn't take away the hurt, but it does lessen the sting a bit!