Need help with email to DHs siblings about gifts/Xmas

[Pooh]

I like Pen's Idea too about buying a charity gift.  How about just contribute to one charity and send the card to everyone? 

You know:  "With so much strife and suffering in the world today, we have elected to help those who need it so much.  We have sent a financial gift to [Salvation Army, Habitat, Heifer, etc. you name it] in honor of our families.  Have a Merry Christmas everyone and blessings all around."

I love this idea for the gift dilemma. 

Something my Mother does every year that makes a huge impact for not tons of money?  You guys know those fleece blankets that you can normally find around this time of year for like $5 apiece?  My Mother will take $200 and go buy those things up then deliver them to the residents at her local nursing home.  They love them over their legs as they sit in their wheelchairs in the hallway.  She likes doing something local.  You could go do that, take some pictures of the residents  and maybe DD with them, covered in their blankets and place one in each Christmas card to his family telling them that each one of them sponsored a blanket?

[Doe]

Pooh, your mom sounds like da bomb.

[pam1]

Pooh, that's awesome of your Mom, what a great idea!  We normally do Adopt A Family, serve a couple meals at the shelter during the holiday season (tgiving to xmas) and send care packages for the troops overseas. 

I agree, we have to take the fall out this year.  I just can't figure out how to word it. 

DH did agree to Pen's and Ruth's idea, so we are going to send out an announcement with Xmas card.  Just have to figure out what to say lol.  I want to send it out fairly soonish this year only b/c they start shopping end of November.

Last year about this time we asked them to join us in Adopt A Family in lieu of gifts to each other.  They agreed so we signed up for a family twice the size we normally sign up for, then a couple of his siblings backed out at the last minute saying they already bought our gifts and DH made them agree to the adopt a family and they were crying and upset about it.  So, we ended up paying twice the amount to cover their part of the Adopt A Family and we bought the siblings gifts too.   The reason why we chose to buy the siblings gifts last year was my idea, his female siblings siblings like to play martyrs.

Anyway, enough of that, I'm done with their games. 

[Doe]

You'll see Christmas cards soon - I saw ornaments for sale in 2 stores this weekend!

[lancaster lady]

shops here are full to the brim already with Christmas stuff , before Halloween ...madness !

[sesamejane]

Whatever you end up saying Pam1, remember no apologies... 

[Pooh]

Pooh, your mom sounds like da bomb.

Thank you.  She really is.  Her Church Women's Group always adopt a child each in a children's home too for Christmas.  Then she delivers food one day, every other week to the ICU waiting room at her hospital all year round.  If I could be half the woman she is, I would be one happy camper.

[Scoop]

Dear Family,

Before you start your Christmas shopping, we would like to inform you that we won't be participating in any gift exchanges this year.  Given the state of the economy, we have decided to scale back on our expenditures this Christmas.  We're choosing to look at it in a positive way, in that we'll be teaching DD about the *other*, less material, aspects of the season.  We have decided to put our time and money towards *this cause*.

In order to prevent any embarrassment while you guys are exchanging gifts, we'd like to plan a special evening between Christmas and New Year's to spend with you.  How does December 30th for supper sound?  I'm sure we'll all be turkey-ed out by then, so we'll have lasagna!  Let us know if you're coming because we certainly hope to see you during Christmas-time!

All of our love,

DH & family

[Doe]

I like this!

[pam1]

Scoop! That's terrific, I think DH and I are going to use mixture of yours and SesameJane.   Thank you so much

[Pen]

Great thread, ladies!

[Nana]

Like it Scoop.   

Love

[pam1]

Just wanted to give you ladies an update.  Shortly after this thread DH and I sent out an email to the family using a combo of Scoop's and Sesamejane's scripts.

Most replied positively.  DH said FIL/MIL liked the idea and was ok with us doing our own thing.  Then we get an email from DHs sister, it was very emotionally charged, I'd almost say she was drunk when she wrote it.  Very nasty, how if we were so charitable we would give to family before people we don't even know etc etc. 

Anyway, I spoke to SIL (against my better judgement) turns out MIL has been bad mouthing us to her for the past two years, even and especially during our fertility treatments when I was on bedrest.  SIL/DH/I are all fine now but wow, this was eye opening.  I know most of you know MIL is diagnosed with bpd and we knew she was talking about us, just didn't know the severity of it.  And it was really very bad. 

Right now, DH and I have decided two things need to happen for a relationship at all with her.  First, therapy - we are willing to go to her therapist, we know she won't change overnight but we'd at least like to keep and maintain relationships with the rest of the family without her interference.  It's worth a shot. 

And secondly, we are moving.  Regardless if she does the therapy or not, changes or not, we're now outta here.  It's going to take some time, six months to get the house in sale condition and some time for me to wrap up clients here and DH to search for a job. 

So, when did I sign up here? Almost two years ago?  And a lot of the advice was to move....well, lol you all were right, wish I would have taken your advice sooner.  But I feel good about it, I think I did the best I could.

[sesamejane]

It's a lovely place to be when the uncertainty is lifted, and you *know* what you must do!  I am happy for you.

[Pen]

Wow, Pam. I'm sorry for all you've gone through but I'm glad you're moving forward. It must be a kind of relief.