Nana, our therapist thought the emails/talks should come from both of us b/c MIL has a history of trying to pit DH and I against each other. She has even showed up at DHs work or our home (to get to me) to get us to change our mind. Say DH sent the email, she'll come to the house to talk to me. Love you too Nana

Pen, awesome idea. I'm going to run it by DH, I don't know if they'll think it opens the door to gifts though. And yes, they might come to our house or just drive by. Lately MIL has just been doing the drive by and not stopping.
Shelby, thanks for the support. My very large Foo lives on the opposite coast, Dad remarried and now I have a lot of little siblings in the house

They'd probably come out here if I asked but I wouldn't dream of trying to take their Xmas morning away from the kids. And, I think we are different than DHs Foo concerning the holidays. I've never known anyone in my family to demand someones presence or have set and rigid rules that do not change over time. Also, I think for whatever reason the adult kids grew out of it growing up so we mostly just focus on our own kids. As long as my FOO has a good holiday, that's all I care about.
And no, MIL does not care. The first year I was explaining to her that with her schedule of events I wouldn't have time to call my FOO and DD wouldn't have time to call her Dads family. She could've cared less lol.
Btw, I don't think you're a horrible MIL, just different than what I would do, which is totally ok

And I don't think I'm touchy concerning in laws, my views are just different. The experience with my MIL has been bad for the most part. There are some good things that have come out of it though. I have good relationships everywhere else, even ones that are normally conflict ridden. Stepparents, ex-inlaws and most of my inlaws now.
In laws are just a label, they're not all the same
Doe and LL, you ladies crack me up! My rough drafts of the email sounded like Doe's and DHs sounded like LL's.
I guess the point I want to get across is that even though what happened last year was terrible, what they felt entitled to in the first place isn't something we can give anymore. I don't want to go into the miscarriage with them again (last time MIL said she never knew anything about it. big, big lie) and I think they'll use that to gain leverage in the situation.