I hope you all can help me gain some insight in how to deal with a very strange and upsetting situation. My son and his wife have been married for about 6 yrs. Both are in their 30's and hold responsible jobs. My son has a daughter from a previous relationship, and he and his wife have two precious girls, one three and one 18 mos. Since the 1st baby was born, I have witnessed a major change in how my DIL treats my son. Thefirst child became her whole world, while my son was reduced to chief cook and household helper. My DIL is very insecure and she overcompensates by telling anyone who will listen of some accomplishment or praise she received at work etc. Not only will she tell the same story at least four to five times when the event occurs, she will remind you several times over the weeks and months to come. She is never interested in what anyone else has to say, and feels a need to constantly talk about herself or the children. This is frustrating enough, but I know she is seeking approval when she does this, so I try not to show how uninterested I am after I have heard the same information for the 4th time on the same day.
If this was all I had to worry about with her, I could handle it fine, but recent events have me very concerned not only for my son, but for the children and for her. Oh, there have been many times that I would like to sit her down and have a chat about how she can push my buttons but I have refrained. . . so far.
Several months ago she befriended an employee of hers who is a pretty rough looking woman; several tattoos, bad attitude, a man hater. She is a single mom with two children and lives in a pretty rough neighborhood. My DIL began to stay with this woman overnight during the week. Her apt. is relatively close to where they both work. My DIL lives about 23 miles from work. She came up with excuses like, "I've had such a rough day, I'm too tired to drive home, or, I had a late meeting, I am going to stay with XX tonight." The two children were with her. What began as an infrequent event quickly turned to 3 or 4 times per week! Lo and behold, before long she told my son that she didn't love him anymore and she was leaving with the girls, and planned to stay at this woman's apt until she found a place of her own. The baby at that time was barely a year old. Of course, he didn't tell me about any of this until she threatened to leave. I think he was totally embarrassed. He was devastated, and my heart ached for him. She came back after a week or so, but blamed him for her "stress" and unhappiness. I have to give my son some kudos here, as he is a wonderful person. He grew up without his Dad in his life, and vowed he would always be there for his children. He's a loving and supportive father, and does not mind changing dirty diapers. He has always cooked all the meals (he owned 2 restaurants) and helped around the house with chores. I'm not saying he is perfect, but he is far from a man who won't do "women's work." He works hard to provide support for his family as family is most important to him.
When his wife came back she did not change her habit of staying with this woman, and she became addicted to prescription pain medication. I saw her one weekend and could not believe my eyes! She was so out of it that she couldn't even speak or stay awake for more than a few minutes. I thought she was pathetic. My son told me that this was not the first time she had been like this. My oldest granddaughter was visiting her Dad that weekend and saw it too. Actually, it was her birthday. Some celebration huh?
Two week later she informs my son that she is leaving again, this time for good. Everything is his fault because she can never say she is sorry for anything or never apologizes for her behavior. In her mind, she's entitled to act or say anything she wants to. A few days after she left, my son got an emergency call that she had been taken to the emergency room. He rushed there to find that she had had a serious seizure. She had another when my son was there. He said it was the most frightening thing he has ever witnessed. They kept her for three days, and found that she had taken too many pain pills and had induced cocaine the previous night!! The seizures were very serious and could have killed her. She asked a nurse for a breast pump (I was taking care of the baby) and when the nurse checked her chart and found she had done cocaine, the nurse reported her to Social Services. My DIL in turn reported the nurse for reporting her! When she was discharged, she went back to the doctor and he refused to give her anymore pain med's and told her she needed to seek counseling. Guess what? She reported her doctor as being negligent! She did go home after she was discharged. My son was heartbroken and confused to say the least. A few days later, she is gone again with the children. The week before Christmas, she comes to pack her belongings and move to her new home. In the meantime my son finds out that the mortgage is four months past due, and other bills have not been paid although both of their payroll checks were deposited to a joint account. She was responsible for paying the bills. Ok, she packs the week end before Christmas. She's found and signed a lease for a rental. She has put down deposits for utilities, phone, etc. She moves in on Sunday, and by Wednesday of the following week she wants to come and have dinner with my son!! She is now back at the house with my son, and they moved the rest of her belongings back in last weekend!!! Have you ever??? I am at my wits end! My son has been avoiding speaking to me about this as I'm sure he knows how I feel. I now cannot stand to be around her, and I do not trust anything she says. We were there for several hours Christmas day, and I was as pleasant to her as I could be but did not go out of my way to hear anything she had to say. I am so angry with her right now, and I don't believe she is there for any of the right reasons. I didn't notice that she treated my son any different than she has over the past couple of years. What can I do without putting a wedge between myself and my son? This woman is poison. My son says she is not taking the pain pills anymore, but I'm not so sure. I tend to think he is avoiding the issue with me because nothing has really changed much, and he does not want to admit that to me. I love him and those girls with all my heart, but my DIL has lost every bit of respect that I ever had for her. I don't know if I could or would ever trust her again. Any advice is welcomed. This story is not over I'm afraid.
Topic: What is going on in this girl's head???? (Read 2525 times)
