Author Topic: Coming out of lurkdom with a ?  (Read 1035 times)

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liz

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Coming out of lurkdom with a ?
« on: January 02, 2010, 01:13:34 PM »
I've been lurking for a while but I have a somewhat delimma and need advice. I'm not a mil yet, I am a dil. Here's the delimma: earlier last year my mom rented a beach house for this coming May (where she's rented you have to rent far in advance or there won't be any to rent when you want one) she's invite my brothers and I and our families to meet her. We didn't realize until a couple of weeks ago when we were talking about it over Christmas that the first day of that week was Mothers Day. Now let me say that my mom lives 12 hours from us and dhs parents live 20 min from us and we've been married for 12 years. With the exception of maybe 1 or 2 years, every MD has been spent with mil. I don't even remember the last time I was with my mom on MD. I'm worried that mil will think my mom planned this on purpose. My mom had no clue until it hit me that the week she was renting it for may possibly be on MD and I went to look it up. I know it's a long time from now but it's on my mind and it bothers me that she might think it was done on purpose. Is there a good way to bring it up so her feelings won't get hurt? Or maybe I should let dh handle it since he knows how to tell her things like this better than I do? 

2chickiebaby

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Re: Coming out of lurkdom with a ?
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2010, 01:35:05 PM »
That's a tough one, Liz....but if it was me and I was the MIL? 

I'd be happy if my DIL and son said, "hey, this is a long way off but since it had to be planned so far in advance, we have been invited to go to a beach house with my Mom near Mother's Day of next year.  We don't want to miss spending time with you too so can we do something special together before that with you?  Or, would it be okay to do it when we get back?  What would you like?"

I'm speaking for myself here but if I knew I was thought about at all, that would be all I needed.  How does that sound?  You are sweet to be this concerned.

cremebrulee

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Re: Coming out of lurkdom with a ?
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2010, 02:17:11 PM »
I've been lurking for a while but I have a somewhat delimma and need advice. I'm not a mil yet, I am a dil. Here's the delimma: earlier last year my mom rented a beach house for this coming May (where she's rented you have to rent far in advance or there won't be any to rent when you want one) she's invite my brothers and I and our families to meet her. We didn't realize until a couple of weeks ago when we were talking about it over Christmas that the first day of that week was Mothers Day. Now let me say that my mom lives 12 hours from us and dhs parents live 20 min from us and we've been married for 12 years. With the exception of maybe 1 or 2 years, every MD has been spent with mil. I don't even remember the last time I was with my mom on MD. I'm worried that mil will think my mom planned this on purpose. My mom had no clue until it hit me that the week she was renting it for may possibly be on MD and I went to look it up. I know it's a long time from now but it's on my mind and it bothers me that she might think it was done on purpose. Is there a good way to bring it up so her feelings won't get hurt? Or maybe I should let dh handle it since he knows how to tell her things like this better than I do?

Hi and welcome...well, from experience, her feelings will be hurt, but will she understand and be a lady about it?  I would suggest talking to her and telling her exactly what you said here...but, there might also be another alternative...ask her if you can bring your mom, tell her heart to heart, that you haven't spent Mother's Day with her in years and you want to...she is your mom and this woman should understand...and if for any reason, your mother cannot come, then I'd go spend it with her...Gosh, she's your mother, and she deserves to have you for that day...let hubby spend it with his mom...and make a girls day of it for you and mom...make plans for her, make it a happy and special day...and make certain your hubby understands...mom's are not around forever, so you want to spend as much time with her as you can....

I also believe Chickie offered a very good option....Good luck Liz and thanks for sharing...let us know how you make out...

does that help?
« Last Edit: January 02, 2010, 02:22:34 PM by cremebrulee »

greeneyes100

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Re: Coming out of lurkdom with a ?
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2010, 03:51:38 PM »
chickie and creme I agree with what you said.

cocobars

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Re: Coming out of lurkdom with a ?
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2010, 05:22:53 PM »
Bless your heart, chickiebaby!  That's a good solution, and I'm hoping since it's so far off, the mil will appreciate the fact that they want to set a separate day for her!

Good luck!

liz

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Re: Coming out of lurkdom with a ?
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2010, 06:18:07 PM »
Thanks. Unfortunately the beach house would be a family vacation type thing so dh would be with us. I've decided I'm not going to let it bother me and that as may approaches dh and I will just come up with a plan to spend the day before MD with her (we will be driving on MD) I feel silly for being worried seeing as how the ils see us at least once a week and my mom sees us maybe twice a year. Writting this out and reading your responses has helped put things in perspective. Thanks again!

greeneyes100

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Re: Coming out of lurkdom with a ?
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2010, 06:37:22 PM »
thats what I like this site is a great sounding board. writing it out clears the head, reading the responses...just great