Author Topic: Admitting What I did Today  (Read 2949 times)

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Victim

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Admitting What I did Today
« on: December 29, 2009, 12:55:24 PM »
I don't know why I did it either, I was hurting from Christmas I suppose.

I called my sons pager and entered in my DILs cell number in order to make it look like it was her paging him, I called several times within 15 minutes of each other at a time that I knew she was at the gym.

Was this all that bad? Should I tell my counsellor about this?

Offline isitme?

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2009, 01:01:22 PM »
Hi Survivor,
I've been wondering how you were doing and how Christmas went for you.  I hope you were able to enjoy yourself.

Yes I definitely think you should tell your counselor about this - this is the kind of thing that may push your son and DIL away from you even more.  How have things been in counseling with you?  You should feel like you can talk to your counselor about everything.  They are not there to judge you so don't hold things back - they are there to help you.

I've started counseling myself with my BF - one thing I've learned is that it's natural to sometimes feel like the counselor doesn't really understand or to leave an appointment feeling a little bit disturbed.  The point of a counselor is to try and make you see/understand things that you might not otherwise:  either because you didn't think of it that way, or because the feelings were too uncomfortable for you to confront yourself.  So I hope you are able to discuss this with your counselor, talk about why you did it and what made you feel that way.  Good luck and best wishes.

2chickiebaby

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2009, 01:02:48 PM »
bless you heart!! I don't know if it's ever bad for a Mother to want to talk to their own child.  Did he ever answer or call back?

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2009, 01:06:38 PM »
Chickie, I think what she did was try to make it look as if her DIL was repeatedly calling  over and over again, not herself. 

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2009, 01:11:34 PM »
The fact you can recognize that this is wrong is a big step forward Survivor.  Even being able to recognize that you are trying to put the blame on your DIL is amazing.  I WISH my FMIL had even a fraction of your insight.

Be honest with your counselor - it is the only way to be honest with yourself.  It's natural to go back and forth sometimes.  There are days when I want to try to talk to my FMIL and days when I want to ship my BF back home and say "go back to your mama".  The most important thing is that you are trying - take it day by day.  Nothing ever happens overnight.  This might take years but right now you have everything to gain by your efforts.  Not just your son and DIL but also your own sense of self.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad sometimes, it happens to all of us.  What's crucial is that you keep working at it.

2chickiebaby

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2009, 01:15:50 PM »
Just so heartbreaking.....we don't realize what we're doing when we're raising kids!  We just do what we have to do.  We make mistakes but to be thrown out?  It's truly the worst form of punishment on earth. My heart goes out to every honest Mother who tried and lost.   Why??  We're just human beings.  We're not criminals. :'(

2chickiebaby

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2009, 01:30:03 PM »
Your posts sure have brought out the visitors to this site....my goodness.

I hope you find peace.

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2009, 01:35:28 PM »
no, I don't think you are terrible at all.  I think you are very brave for confronting this  and realizing that you need help with these issues and actually getting that help.  Wow like I said, if my FMIL had even a fraction of the insight you have been willing to show, all my problems would be solved.

yes what you did was wrong.  But knowing it was wrong, admitting that and trying to move forward is amazing. 

I don't know how long counseling will take.  A lot will depend on you.  Why did you do this?  I think you were able to identify that right away - like you said:  you might be jealous so you wanted her to feel bad about herself.  Do you think you can try to change this thinking?  Next time can you try to do something that would make her feel good?  As your son's wife, your DIL is NOT replacing you - but he is a grown man with a wife and kids and though he should still be able to have a relationship with you as an adult, it's not going to be the same as the relationship you had with him when he was a child.

I"m not sure what relationship you have had with your DIL in the past.  What type of a person is she?  Has she ever done anything to make you feel so angry towards you?  There are some really terrible sounding DILs out there - and it sounds like many of the MILs here are stuck with them.  What about yours though? 

greeneyes100

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2009, 03:10:50 PM »
let go.  let your son live his life , he deserves that.  Your role now is to be a great MIL and grandmother.  Find other things to fulfill your life, playing childish games will only hurt you and make them resent you..I suspect a little jealously here  love your DIL your son chose her for his partner.  All children leave us in one way or another but this is what life is about.   All the best

cremebrulee

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #9 on: December 29, 2009, 03:59:03 PM »
Survivor....I'm sending you big hugs and please think about this....
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give to those we love is to let them go....

He is a grown man, and it's his turn to live his life, he must...he needs to...

Love
Creme

greeneyes100

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2009, 05:24:34 AM »
so glad you feel better

just2baccepted

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2009, 11:31:53 AM »
I don't know why I did it either, I was hurting from Christmas I suppose.

I called my sons pager and entered in my DILs cell number in order to make it look like it was her paging him, I called several times within 15 minutes of each other at a time that I knew she was at the gym.

Was this all that bad? Should I tell my counsellor about this?

I've heard this about people who have trouble overeating but you could possibly try whenever you have the urge to do something that you know is wrong then take maybe 60 seconds and see if the urge passes.  I saw that on Dr. Oz one time, but it was about over eating.  I don't know that would work but its worth a try.

cocobars

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2010, 08:39:26 AM »
survivor, the next time you feel this way, make a promise to yourself that you will do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing.  Like instead of that, send text messages telling your son how much you love and miss him.  How proud you are that he has grown into the son/father/husband you see today!  You will be surprised at the response you may get; and yes, I believe he will respond - even answer your calls!  You will also be "training" yourself to put out the love you are craving, so that it can come back to you!

cremebrulee

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #13 on: January 03, 2010, 08:48:42 AM »
I don't know why I did it either, I was hurting from Christmas I suppose.

I called my sons pager and entered in my DILs cell number in order to make it look like it was her paging him, I called several times within 15 minutes of each other at a time that I knew she was at the gym.

Was this all that bad? Should I tell my counsellor about this?

yes, of course it was wrong to do that...if it were not, you wouldn't be asking...right?  Follow your intuition, learn to go with what is right and what that little voice inside is telling you not to do...you know right from wrong...and it is wrong to seek vengence, not to mention...manipulative and just plain wrong, and yes, tell your counsellor about it by all means...then, please come back and share...also, remember, you can get a lot further with kindness and goodness then you can by playing cruel games...it's not becoming nor is it lady like...be a lady, and love yourself...in turn, you will love others and learn acceptance and allowance...and pray...to be all that is good and right...and stop depending on your son...he cannot be your entire life...they are our sons, but we do not own them...we love them and must understand, once they marry, our lives will never be the same again, but, our lives can be even better...in many ways...

Does that make any sense?  And by the way...youve gotten so much positive and right feedback from the other ladies, they care about you, and so do I. 

Hugs
Creme

cremebrulee

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Re: Admitting What I did Today
« Reply #14 on: January 03, 2010, 08:49:29 AM »
survivor, the next time you feel this way, make a promise to yourself that you will do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing.  Like instead of that, send text messages telling your son how much you love and miss him.  How proud you are that he has grown into the son/father/husband you see today!  You will be surprised at the response you may get; and yes, I believe he will respond - even answer your calls!  You will also be "training" yourself to put out the love you are craving, so that it can come back to you!


This was beautiful and so true...thank you