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Something new to help with the pain

Started by sadat46, December 23, 2009, 07:04:58 am

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sadat46

Hi All,

Merry Christmas!!!  Well my hubby bought me a new puppy to help some with the urge for holding my new grandbaby.   I do have to say I know a dog can't take the place but it is helping me.  She is a lot of work and the whole family has to help with her.  We just got her a week ago and she is already attached to me.  It doesn't replace anything, but it does feel some of the void I was feeling.   

I have tried to contact my son and his g/f and invited them to come to dinner before they go out of town to see her parents, but he said he had to work.  I did ask him what would be a good time but he said they were just too busy.

I have decided that is the extent of my reaching out for a while.  I feel stronger like I can leave it alone and try to enjoy the family I have which is a daughter 15, step son 19, hubby, Mother, puppy, brothers, sister, 3 sister in-laws and husbands, Mother in law and nieces and nephews that do want to be around me.  They seem to enjoy my cooking and my personality.  I also have friends that love me.

I can't let this thing destroy my life.  My son is claiming he does not believe in God but I know he really does. 

What do you all think about my new perspective on this?


cremebrulee

December 23, 2009, 07:08:07 am #1 Last Edit: December 23, 2009, 07:13:13 am by cremebrulee
Merry Christmas right back at cha...

I'm very sorry your experiencing this and totally understand the logic behind the dog...it's a great addition to your family and healthy for you.

Hi There, oh, that is good news...yes, puppies are a lot of work, but we women are nurturers by nature, and keeping yourself busy is a great thing...it helps a lot. and dogs are such wonderful and loyal friends....they love you unconditionally...and I always say this...no husband on the face of this earth would ever greet me the way my dog greets me when I come home from work....LOL

I also think, and this is going to be very hard for you but you should most certainly allow your son his own beliefs...he will be fine without God in his life for awhile...and even though he says he doesn't believe...deep down he believes in something, and it may not be the way you like him to believe, but it's his life, and his choice...we mom's and dad's cannot force our culture's on our kids...it's not fair...love him anyway...your a very lucky woman to have all the other family members you have....very lucky, be good in that...

in the meantime, your son is probably struggling and hurting just as much as you are, believe me...he would like nothing more then to have his wife get along

Big hugs...

isitme?

I think not letting this destroy your life is a GREAT perspective.  Good luck with the puppy and happy holidays!!!!

sadat46

Thank you.  You are so right.  I am really fortunate that I will have another opportunity to be a Grandmother again.  My step son loves me and would never shut me out.  His Dad would never allow that.  He is such a good boy.  He is working on being a Man and I see it now.  Of course my daughter is just 15 and I do want her to wait for a long time before she has a baby but I think with her I will probably have the baby more than I want.  LOL

I really do feel bad for the Moms that have tried and only have one child and they have been mistreated or shut out from their son's life. 

I really feel like there is some evil thoughts going on between my son and his g/f that I can't explain.  I will never say that to them but I think she just hates me.

sadat46

Well I am not saying he can't make it without God.  I am not perfect by all means, I just know that when you do believe, that it is much more easier to forgive people especially if you listen to the teachers that teach the life of Jesus Christ and why he died for our sins.  It is all what you believe and how you were brought up.


2chickiebaby

Dear Sadat,
What Creme said below is what made so much comforting sense to me. I hope it does to you too.  Merry Christmas....bless you.


..I'm so sorry this is happening to you...yanno, the more we give to our children, the more they will take...and in this case, your enabling them to do this to you and to treat you as they do.  Tough love is the hardest thing on the face of this earth to do...respect has to be earned...and it's up to you, to find the courage to talk to them and tell them you will not be talked to like this...and they may leave and not see you...but will come back when they want something...actually, you've allowed them to do this to you...for a long time...and it will be hard to break...the question is, can you deal with not seeing them if you do put your foot down.  One thing, do not do anything until you know you would be able to deal with the consequences of your actions, b/c once they become adults there is not much you can do but demad respect...and if you do, as I said, they may retaliate and become very nasty and not come around...I'm wondering, do they ever do anything for you...or do they come around only when they need something...and if they do, and you give them what they want, then basically what your doing is rewarding bad behavior...does that make any sense?  What do you think?
_________________________________________________________________________

I don't know tough love but I think I can understand detachment and I think that's a good start, Sadat.  ((Hugs))

cremebrulee

Quote from: sadat46 on December 23, 2009, 07:18:58 am
Well I am not saying he can't make it without God.  I am not perfect by all means, I just know that when you do believe, that it is much more easier to forgive people especially if you listen to the teachers that teach the life of Jesus Christ and why he died for our sins.  It is all what you believe and how you were brought up.


Sadat...he probably does believe...you raised him to...maybe he is saying that only b/c she doesn't....but when  I said he'd be fine without God in his life...Sadat...God is always there...no matter what...and yes, exactly, all what you believe and how you were brought up..and you bought him up that way...he will not abandon God in his soul...I believe that...even the most atheists of none belief, when faced with terror, what is the first thing that mst people say..."OH GOD".   I believe you have a terrific perspective

Invisible


just2baccepted

Quote from: sadat46 on December 23, 2009, 07:04:58 am
Hi All,

Merry Christmas!!!  Well my hubby bought me a new puppy to help some with the urge for holding my new grandbaby.   I do have to say I know a dog can't take the place but it is helping me.  She is a lot of work and the whole family has to help with her.  We just got her a week ago and she is already attached to me.  It doesn't replace anything, but it does feel some of the void I was feeling.   

 


I so agree with this.  Dogs are so wonderful!  What kind of puppy did your DH get you??  I was thinking about getting a shih tzu but I found a lady who has show poodles that she might want to retire some of them.  They're around 2 y/o and female.  So I thought that would be a great way to get a well bred dog for cheaper, since they're not pups anymore.  I'm still waiting for her to call me back b/c she had hip replacement surgery and then she developed an infection so I don't know when I'll get to meet the dog. 

But I know what you mean about the pups being a lot of  work!

Barbie

Merry Christmas to all!
I tried to post here once before but wasn't successful.
My husband and I got a puppy when our DIL was pregnant because we knew she would withhold the baby from us as much as she could and haven't regreted it, and like you said Sadat, he can't take the place of our grand daughter but he is a great companion and we love him dearly.

Pen

We got two cats before DS got married and after DDD moved out, looking forward to less contact with them, I guess. Funny story - turns out DDD is off the charts allergic to cats and we had to move them out to the garage so she'd be comfortable if she ever came to visit. I can't even snuggle with them outside or I'll bring cat hair in on my clothes. I must have been one mean person in a previous life  >:(
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb