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Started by deannaaltazan, August 12, 2011, 11:40:40 am

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I am just heartsick over my fourteen year old granddaughter.  Her mother (my daughter) has been incarcerated over the years more than she has been home and the child's father and I have raised her in unison.  We have always gotten along and shared our time with her.  Recently her father became engaged and I could feel a change.  He began to criticize my decisions and would punish me by not bringing her home when he was supposed to.   Then one weekend he refused to bring her home at all and filed for total custody.  The results have been horrible for me.  He will not let her see me and has threatened to file a restraining order against me if I don't stay away from her.  I have cried myself sick.   She has been in touch with me a couple of times through texts, etc. but when he finds out we both have hell to pay.  Life can be so cruel.  She is a beautiful, intelligent, young girl who is totally involved in outside activities and has tons of friends, so I apparently have done right.


August 12, 2011, 12:22:17 pm #1 Last Edit: August 12, 2011, 02:22:25 pm by luise.volta
Welcome - I have no legal background but if he got custody there may be nothing you can do about it except know that you gave your granddaughter the priceless gifts of love and support...supervision and understanding. You said you can see the results. I would wait until she is grown because she will come back to you, I'm sure. To put her in the middle now is just going to cause her stress. She knows you love her. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Thank you for your kind and understanding supply.  That is what keeps me going; the belief that she will come back.  Your reply brought tears to my eyes as it was exactly what I needed to hear.


Welcome deannaaltazan :)

Please read the Forum Agreement in the category Open Me First if you haven't already done so.  We ask all new members to do this, not b/c there is anything wrong with your post.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


Welcome and hang in there!  I don't think there is much you can do either.  Check with an attorney about Grandparent rights.  It is different from state to state, but some states have them.  The rules are hard but you might qualify.  An attorney could tell you.

I hope he has a change of heart, but like Luise, she knows you love her.  She has all those good memories with you and she will remember!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Welcome, Deannaaltazan. May I call you D? I'm glad you found us but so sorry you are going through this. You will find a lot of comfort here, as well as wisdom. I agree with Pooh; find an attorney or legal aid agency that deals with GP rights/issues. They may know of a local support group or counselor/mediator so you can work something out. I truly hope the dad's new fiancee is not behind this :(

In the meantime, you may want to keep a diary or scrapbook for your GD to have in the future. Many GPs here on the site have done this. I agree that your GD knows you love her; she's got such great qualities due to your input.

Also, stay healthy and centered so you can enter any meeting with confidence and positivity. Your GD will need you some day, maybe sooner than later. You want to be ready.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

lancaster lady

Hello D and welcome ..
He probably associates you with the child's mother and now he has a new partner , wants a clean break from his past .
However your Gd is 14 and knows her own mind , she will want to keep you in her life .
When she becomes independent she will seek you out , assure her you will always be there , that will give her
the strength she needs till you meet again .
best wishes ....


I am so sorry. Your son-in-law is probably under a lot of pressure from the new woman in his life, and your granddaughter may be feeling pressure from both. It will hurt, but please don't add to that for your your granddaughter. In many states grandparents have no legal right whatsoever to see their grandchildren. when you do see her,you might reassure her of your love and support and let her know that her father is attempting to put his life back together. Saying derogatory things, which I am sure you know, never works. If I were you, in spite of all the pain you might feel, I would back off. She is old enough to know exactly what is true and what is not, and sooner, rather than later, she will find you on her own. Sending hopeful thoughts your way.