Author Topic: Venting  (Read 4814 times)

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cremebrulee

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Venting
« on: December 11, 2009, 07:51:48 AM »
I just wanted to say....upon sharing stories about our inlaw problems...we talk about it over and over as we go over and over in our heads on the situations that have happened, trying to make some sense of it all. 

I have repeated my story many times...and I hope, while writing this story on many sites...there were some MIL's who went, "Hey, my DIL does and acts the same way!"

So, when people come into a thread and hammer you about not getting on with it...ignore it...again, remember, unless they go thru it, they will never understand, besides, it must easier to critisize...one cannot imagine the hurt...and how it changes your character, your trust, takes away the innocense...makes you feel like evey move you make must be first screened before you talk...

So, all we can do, is share stories, and hope some of us learn from the stories...it does shed light.  I remember the first time a MIL wrote me privately and said....

Hey, my DIL acts the very same way....and we started sharing stories...and it makes logical sense...

These women who do start this trouble between families run along the same kind of pattern...they are abusive, jealous, bullies, very insecure, immature, and really have know nothing but chaos in they're lives, therefore, they're life is the same....think about this...these woman, a lot of times, both MIL's or DIL's have not had much love in their lives...so they hold onto they're sons/husbands the only way...they fight for them....

Me, I won't fight any longer...the more I tried, the harder the rejection was...and the less she liked me....

I can still see her sitting there pretending to like me in front of my son...I wish I had a movie camera to tape her when he wasn't around...I wonder then, what he would feel? 

Someday, sad to say, they're children will grow up and leave...and I hope and pray, they don't do the same thing to them....

Thought I'd start this thread for venting, questions, answers that anyone may have, or just general problems....

Hugs
Creme

cremebrulee

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Re: Venting
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2009, 01:39:54 PM »
Hi Anna,
I'm so sorry that people have to experience this...when you think about it, it all seems so un necessary and foolish doesn't it?
How long has this been going on? 

2chickiebaby

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Re: Venting
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2009, 01:55:58 PM »
I'm not past it either, Anna....having a very bad day.   :'(  Don't know how to get through this.  Such a sad time of year for me and you too.

2chickiebaby

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Re: Venting
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2009, 02:10:32 PM »
20 guests online? 

Offline Pen

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Re: Venting
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2009, 03:48:09 PM »
   We need this place to vent sometimes. No one else really understands; DH feels helpless 'cos he can't fix it, DS is caught in the middle and shouldn't EVER hear how I feel about DIL. Our friends/relatives came to the wedding (well, the few who were allowed by ILs) and I don't want their opinions of DIL or the marriage swayed by my emotions. I have friends who have lost children to illness/accidents and my problem seems ridiculous next to theirs. You guys are it, I'm afraid :P
   I'm terrible at walking on eggshells and second guessing someone all the time. It's very tiring. I also resent being treated like I don't count for you-know-what. Why do DIL & her mom get to be princesses and get their way every time??? Why do I always have to take the leftovers??? They get rewarded for bad behavior over and over again. I have to be quiet and not ruffle feathers. I can't remember who it was on this site who said something about finally going ahead and hugging her DS and calling him honey. I know how she feels! I'm afraid to hug my son. That's pathetic.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Venting
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2009, 03:55:23 PM »
I thank God for every one of you!  What would I do without you?  I am having the worst time of my life right now.  I don't belong anywhere.  I'm so afraid.  DILs, both of them, are so controlling.  CDIL is in her own right, just being so cold to DDIL. It kills me.

Now, DDIL is through, no reaching her. Even after all she's done to us, I guess I don't blame her.  She wanted to be friends with CDIL so much.  CDIL wooed her into her web and acts so cold when she gets her in.  DDIL was trying to make them both against us/me. She never got to do that.

It seems phychotic to me.  I am in a constant state of "where do I belong?"  I guess nowhere.  I'm ending up just like the same little girl not knowing where I was going to live as a child.

Offline Pen

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Re: Venting
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2009, 04:11:47 PM »
Oh, Chickie...I know how you feel. I have no close family other than my DH and kids. I really need to show appreciation for DH, since he's about it now that the kids are grown! I get very weepy when I hear stories of big family togetherness (DIL's family, among others.) All my adult life I dreamed of the big table with everyone gathered 'round, celebrating holidays and milestones. Yes, I'm grateful for what I do have, but I ache for the other.

Please take care of yourself now - massage? Facial? Special treat like tickets to a performance or some other event for you and DH or friends? I'm worried about you.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Venting
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2009, 04:19:04 PM »
Thank you so much....I'm just so sad and I hope I can feel better soon.  I wished for all those things too.  Destroyed by 2 young women.  Don't know what's coming next.  Thank you for caring....

2chickiebaby

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Re: Venting
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2009, 08:20:34 PM »
It's just so weird how on a dime things can change a bit....got an email from CDIL about us all going to see DDIL and son and kids after Christmas.  I am so glad CDIL is making DDIL on her 'to do' list.  I hope she's nice to her and I feel relieved that we are going to see them.  I hope DDIL doesnt' stomp around while we're there either. 

I hope all goes well.  It will, won't it?  I can't stand anyone getting their feelings hurt!  Please!! 

cremebrulee

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Re: Venting
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2009, 02:10:39 AM »
I know how you all feel and what your going thru....
I'm wondering if we could try an exercise...
everytime we become sad about it, lets make a mental list of the things we do have and are thankful for...I know it doesn't sound like much or a great idea...but it does help me....

I'll start...

I'm thankful for having the experience of child birth, for the travel all over the world that I've had the opportunity to do, for my home, for my immediate family and friends...for the suport of this web site and the women in it.  I'm thankful we live in America...still the best country in the world to live in...everytime someone has given of themselves to me, and for being who I am...to be able to feel sorry for those less fortunate then I am...to be able to contribute to my community...for a job, for life itself and for thankfully having my mom who as such a wonderful person...my best friend. 

SunnyDays09

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Re: Venting
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2009, 09:15:28 AM »
Anna,

  I have BTDT!!  Be careful what you wish for.  Let go.  For your own sake. 
  My hope for you is that things cool down enough for you not to care any
more about her at all.  Good or bad. 
   I do understand.  But rise above it all or it will affect you in ways you
never imagined.  And in a way, she will have won.   Don't waste any
more emotions - good or bad - for she does NOT deserve it.  Really.
  Take it from someone who knows.
   I recently have begun after five years of no contact to ask Jesus to
forgive her and her family and to bless them.  But in my heart, I could
never ever trust them ever ever again.
♥

 OOOPs. I am thankful for my health, my family, all the blessings God has bestowed - for I am truly blessed. 
   I am thankful I am not miserable.  For there was a time awhile ago I felt so bad.  Not anymore.   
   I am thankful my problems of late are small and that I can be helpful to someone. 
   
« Last Edit: December 12, 2009, 09:45:39 AM by HappyDays09 »

Offline Pen

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Re: Venting
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2009, 09:29:40 AM »
Love the posts reminding us what we are thankful for. I have friends who have lost health care, jobs, houses, children, and marriages recently. I'm thankful for my DH who sees what we're up against and will not allow us to become victims; DS who still has the cajones to back us up when DIL gets snooty; employment and housing in these scary times; DDD finding a better living situation.

Maybe it's the momma lion in all of us - we want to protect our families against invaders. I can take DIL's snarkiness towards me (even though it hurts) but when she says things about DDD (dear disabled daughter) I must defend my cub. Lately DIL has been willing to visit, which is a start towards a more normal relationship, but in the back of my mind always is what she's said about us and especially DDD, and I have a hard time completely letting go and moving on.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Venting
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2009, 12:36:28 PM »
Dear Happy,
What is BTDT?  I'll worry all day about it....I have obsessions ;D

I'm sure I have it too. :(  Is it contagious?  If it is, it means that accidentally, I'll give it to one of the grandkids and be blamed for it.  :P

cremebrulee

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Re: Venting
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2009, 02:41:28 PM »
Anna,

  I have BTDT!!  Be careful what you wish for.  Let go.  For your own sake. 
  My hope for you is that things cool down enough for you not to care any
more about her at all.  Good or bad. 
   I do understand.  But rise above it all or it will affect you in ways you
never imagined.  And in a way, she will have won.   Don't waste any
more emotions - good or bad - for she does NOT deserve it.  Really.
  Take it from someone who knows.
   I recently have begun after five years of no contact to ask Jesus to
forgive her and her family and to bless them.  But in my heart, I could
never ever trust them ever ever again.
♥

 OOOPs. I am thankful for my health, my family, all the blessings God has bestowed - for I am truly blessed. 
   I am thankful I am not miserable.  For there was a time awhile ago I felt so bad.  Not anymore.   
   I am thankful my problems of late are small and that I can be helpful to someone. 
 

oh Girl, it's good to see you and excelelent advice....

Hugs

just2baccepted

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Re: Venting
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2009, 04:59:16 PM »
Oh, Chickie...I know how you feel. I have no close family other than my DH and kids. I really need to show appreciation for DH, since he's about it now that the kids are grown! I get very weepy when I hear stories of big family togetherness (DIL's family, among others.) All my adult life I dreamed of the big table with everyone gathered 'round, celebrating holidays and milestones. Yes, I'm grateful for what I do have, but I ache for the other.

Please take care of yourself now - massage? Facial? Special treat like tickets to a performance or some other event for you and DH or friends? I'm worried about you.

Me too, I don't have much family either.  So I know what you're going through.