Author Topic: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral  (Read 2437 times)

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Offline Keys Girl

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The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« on: July 03, 2011, 07:14:20 AM »
Carolyn Bourne sent this email to her future daughter-in-law, Heidi Withers about her "rude behaviour"..........For those of us who would have liked to send something like this to our future or current DILs, it serves as a lesson that anything you put on the internet can go viral.  Her future DIL uploaded it.  I understand that the "sympathy vote" isn't all going to Heidi.

So next time you are tempted to sent an email that is anything less than kind, draft it up and save it.  In the meantime, read this one, I have to say my personal part of this quote is "No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour."  I wish I had thought of it myself.


 http://activitypit.ning.com/forum/topics/uk-news-bourne-ultimatum?xg_source=activity
« Last Edit: July 03, 2011, 10:35:59 AM by Pooh »
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Offline Pen

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2011, 09:05:48 AM »
KG, I think about that all the time. Even people you trust can accidently send something out to a wider audience than intended. I also think about what I would say to my DIL if the brakes were off or I knew there would be no negative consequences. Although DIL doesn't have the same restrictions (she pretty much says how she feels), she also doesn't have the same consequences.

It just occurred to me that Freddie's dad hasn't spoken up. I wonder how he feels about his wife, Freddie's stepmother, possibly ruining his relationship with his son? My DH would be furious if something I said or did wrecked it for our family.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Keys Girl

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2011, 09:38:36 AM »
Pen, this just went viral on Friday.

I don't know about Freddies' Dad, in my experience, the men just shrug their shoulders and run for cover, this is England, so he can spend the next few years in the pub if he needs to and likely he wasn't the one preparing the meals, etc. when the bridge and groom to be came to visit. 

While I think that Carolyn Bourne may receive some bad press, in the long haul she has just created a "Brand" and has the exclusive world wise rights to her words.

Thing of it, tot bag with the the phrase

"You don't get married in a castle unless you own it".........how many MILs would buy one of those? I sure would.  She may wind up laughing all the way to the bank, eventually.

"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Offline pam1

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2011, 09:43:57 AM »
I read that Freddie's dad will not comment and Freddie's mom only commented to say she never saw any rude behavior from FDIL, she was charming and she had no comment about the email future step-mil sent.

KG, you're probably right!  That tote bag would be hysterically funny.
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Offline luise.volta

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2011, 10:13:59 AM »
My first reaction was how rude the FMIL, herself, was and then I read about the FDIL's diabetes and was sad that it apparently wasn't a know factor to FMIL.

I guess we can all be quoted out of context and should be more careful. Or perhaps in context is even worse.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2011, 10:38:59 AM »
Hey Keys, I modified the post to remove the email (so Luise and Kirk don't get in copyright trouble) and added a link that elsieshaye had shared with the email you were quoting.

I think this is a case of "I want to say these things to you but now I know why I shouldn't have put them in writing."  I'm not going to lie, I would have loved to have wrote my DIL and email telling her exactly what I thought of her attitude. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Keys Girl

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2011, 11:39:22 AM »
Thanks, Pooh,
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Offline Pooh

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2011, 01:19:58 PM »
You're welcome Keys.  Stupid copyright stuff
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Smilesback@u

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2011, 01:20:38 PM »
 :) I am in favor of most of her Rules of Etiquette - which makes me pretty stodgy at 60 years old too.  Communication breakdown really.  Generational Gap.  That being said, some people really do not know the Rules and a personal touch is called for, face to face.  This was an email that was de-facing, more rude than helpful.  Wrong attitude too to take son's beloved to task without having tried something more respectful.  A castle is perfect for Queen and Princess after all.  Blunder was that emails are notorious for being taken wrong and hurt feelings result.  Live and learn...as for the friends sending it around...they are not GOOD friends.  They made this a BIG DEAL and an embarrassing one for their friend who has a lot more to deal with than the email for sure.  Dysfunctional rules - Don't trust, Don't talk, Don't write it down - who made those RULES?   :-X :-[ :o My 2-cents. 

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2011, 01:57:08 PM »
I am very glad that I have never sent an email like this even though I have written many. I write them, save them, and look at them again the next day. If I am still upset, then I rewrite it, and save it again. I find that the next day or the next week that whatever I took offense over was not as bad as it was at first blush and am glad that I did not hit the send button. I bet this woman wishes she had done the same.

Frankly, even if the future DIL is as bad as this woman thinks she is, the FSMIL is worse. She insulted both the girl and her family outright, the very same thing she accused the FSDIL of doing and she did it in such a high-handed passive/aggressive way that I just wanted to shake her. SHE should have been better than that, SHE should have been the grown up here. After all, she has such superior manners. And, who cares where the FDIL gets married? As long as the SS is happy, who cares? As long as the FSMIL isn't paying, who cares?

Ai, the whole thing made me sick to my stomach, especially after the FDIL's father put in his two cents and called the FSMIL a few choice things. But, then went on to day that their would be no hard feelings shown at the wedding. Riiight. The FFIL did weigh in saying that the whole situation was unfortunate and they were not going to say anything that might perpetuate the situation.  The young couple have also kept their silence. I was glad that the MIL did defend the FDIL.

Frankly, after this email, this woman would not be allowed at my wedding unless there was a full, sincere apology for this personal attack. To be unhappy with the girl's manners is one thing, but then to send this insulting, humiliating letter is another.

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2011, 02:36:52 PM »
I read today it was a huge publicity stunt .
The groom runs a catering company which supplies weddings , also MIL fancied a reality show .
everyone still seems very friendly , so maybe it was pre-arranged .

Offline luise.volta

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2011, 04:28:09 PM »
Oh, Lordy! I wonder if you're right! A publicity stunt?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: The MIL's Rant to the future DIL that went viral
« Reply #12 on: July 05, 2011, 05:35:33 AM »
Oh wow!  That actually wouldn't surprise me.  My other thought?  Now, none of my overseas buddies think I am saying anything bad here, because honestly, I have nothing to base it off of except books and movies (LOL), but it struck me as FMIL was very ingrained in politically correct, social things.  I could picture the Queen saying all those thing to Diana once upon a time?  Does that make sense?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell