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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Good Afternoon

Started by cremebrulee, November 30, 2009, 09:51:54 am

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cremebrulee

Hello there,
My name is cremebrulee


I have been in several sites where DIL's rule, and have been repromanded and accussed of things I said, in general, that I was talking to them...everytime I posted, I was literally questioned or told that I insulted them...and they actually told me what I was referring to in my posts????

One site was opened specifically for MIL's.  We were told we'd be safe there and emailed us and asked us to come and take a look...so many of us did...and we were bullied by another woman, who was allowed to speak her mind, but the moment, we challenged her attitude, our threads were closed or we were given infractions. 

Then another woman was placed in charge, and she started allowing the DIL's in from a sister site...it was awful...many of us felt that they waited to pounce...they hated me, that's for sure. 

I was told about this site last night by a dear friend...

It's nice to see that someone is finally listening to MIL's....

Thank you for this site...and I sure hope I don't ever insult anyone in my posts.

I have dealt with a DIL problem for 13 years now....

It's alwful, heartbreaking and very life changing. 

Hugs to all of you, both DIL's and MIL's alike who are made to live this life altering situation....that many of us cannot fix.  So we become very angry at the rejection, and disconnections we are forced into...and no matter how hard we try, we loose.

Creme


2chickiebaby

Sadat and Cremebrulee,
To both of you....I hope we can help.  Usually, the DILs on this board are quite supportive of us and we also try to help them.  I know what the other sites are like, believe me....you feel worse about yourself than before you started when you get on them.

That's the last thing we need.  I think you'll be safe here.  Goodness knows, we need each other with these things going on that nearly kill us.  I hope you feel free to post you stories.

Sadat, when you go to counseling, I know how you feel about paying money to get help with  having been thrown in with  a selfish, rude and controlling young woman who has the problem and not you.  It is galling!  If I hadn't found one through my church that's free, I wouldn't have done it again. 




cremebrulee

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on November 30, 2009, 11:39:04 am
Sadat and Cremebrulee,
To both of you....I hope we can help.  Usually, the DILs on this board are quite supportive of us and we also try to help them.  I know what the other sites are like, believe me....you feel worse about yourself than before you started when you get on them.

That's the last thing we need.  I think you'll be safe here.  Goodness knows, we need each other with these things going on that nearly kill us.  I hope you feel free to post you stories.

Sadat, when you go to counseling, I know how you feel about paying money to get help with  having been thrown in with  a selfish, rude and controlling young woman who has the problem and not you.  It is galling!  If I hadn't found one through my church that's free, I wouldn't have done it again.


Actually, I believe you are one of the gals who came to my rescue on one of those sites...and they immediately threw you off and tried to discredit you in public....I never was able to thank you for that...so I'd like to now....they hated me, and anyone who stuck up for me....

big hugs, glad I found you again....'



2chickiebaby

I'm really afraid of them, Cremebrulee but yes, that was me.  They are vicious....there are no adequate words for them. 

You are welcome...what they did and said to you is just beneath contempt.  I do not know how they can sleep at night but they do, obviously.


2chickiebaby

Nothing would surprise me with them, though....one could be looking at this site right now. 

mom2

Creme,

Thanks for joining us . I am not sure you will find an answer here ( I'm not sure there is an answer ) but you will find out that you are not alone.. a lot of our sad stories are alike in so many ways.. it must be mil/dil syndrome or something.

I find the input of the dils on this site to be quite helpful in trying to figure out what my own dil may be thinking.


Sadat,

I do hope the counseling helps . keep us updated.

1dilwhosreal

Good afternoon, Peeps.  I'm sure some of you won't be happy to see me. ;)

I want to say I'm sorry to some of you.  A long time ago I was a bad DIL.  I was not human the way I treated some of you.  I was wrong.

What I learned is that you were right.  I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to you.  It would have saved me so much heartache.

My son found a girl.  She is evil, vile, dispicable.  Although I swore I wasn't going to make the same mistakes that my evil MIL did, I fear I lost him forever.

He's not married.  Nooo, he doesn't believe in marriage despite the good upbringing I gave him and the good example his father and I provided.  He's living with his girlfriend who says she is expecting his baby.  This is her 3rd baby and the 3rd father. 

I told him to get a paternity test and get a custody order if he's not going to marry her.  I told him that I wasn't treating the other 2 kids like they were my grandchildren because they're not.  They have their own daddys and their own grandmoms.  That's what IT said to me! I'm not their grandmom!  But she wants me to give her money and presents for them like they were.   >:( They don't need me and I sure don't need them.  Why should I have to treat them like their mine if I'm not treated like I'm theirs?

Anyways, I'm sorry.  You were right all along and I was wrong.  Now I'm paying for it.  I know you won't forgive me.  That's okay.  I don't deserve it.  I wish I had listened a long time ago. There's no hope for me now. :(

2chickiebaby

It's okay......we all learn from our mistakes.  :)

Do you have other children?  I thought you did....

1dilwhosreal

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for forgiving me so quickly.

Yes.  I made many mistakes.

I don't have any other children.  I lied about having other children because I didn't want you to be right about losing him.  I didn't want to admit that you were so wise to know that he would leave me.  I didn't want you to know how pathetic my life would be without him. 

How did I go so wrong?  How can I fix this? 

I hope all the other DILs out there are reading this.  You will also be alone if you only have sons.  They will leave you.  I never thought it would happen to me but here I am.

2chickiebaby

No, no, no!  This doesn't always happen.....sometimes you get a really nice Daughter in law who doesn't act like this.  They are never on internet boards, though. 

We don't want to be right....I can speak for all of us, we wouldn't wish this on our worst enemy.  It's too painful. 

You most likely didn't do anything wrong....first of all, after 16 years, I've come to realize that you just get a lemon sometimes.  You haven't lost him.....he's still there, just hidden for the time being.  He'll wake up but don't beat yourself up like we have in the meantime.

Just give us a little time; we're afraid, I think you've seen us talk about some DILs from the past who treated us with really unbelievable cruelty.  We want to help you but need to be sure..... :)

We are lucky here, though....Luise will not allow it. 

Good wishes to you and let us know if we can help.


SunnyDays09

Hi Creme!!

  How are you doin?  I know you from some other places - I was maura!!  Remember?

   Glad you could come on over.  Better get, me and hubby have a wake to go to :(

   

SunnyDays09

December 01, 2009, 03:36:34 pm #11 Last Edit: December 01, 2009, 03:40:56 pm by HappyDays09
Quote from: 1dilwhosreal on December 01, 2009, 01:29:48 pm
Good afternoon, Peeps.  I'm sure some of you won't be happy to see me. ;)

I want to say I'm sorry to some of you.  A long time ago I was a bad DIL.  I was not human the way I treated some of you.  I was wrong.

What I learned is that you were right.  I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to you.  It would have saved me so much heartache.

My son found a girl.  She is evil, vile, dispicable.  Although I swore I wasn't going to make the same mistakes that my evil MIL did, I fear I lost him forever.

He's not married.  Nooo, he doesn't believe in marriage despite the good upbringing I gave him and the good example his father and I provided.  He's living with his girlfriend who says she is expecting his baby.  This is her 3rd baby and the 3rd father. 

I told him to get a paternity test and get a custody order if he's not going to marry her.  I told him that I wasn't treating the other 2 kids like they were my grandchildren because they're not.  They have their own daddys and their own grandmoms.  That's what IT said to me! I'm not their grandmom!  But she wants me to give her money and presents for them like they were.   >:( They don't need me and I sure don't need them.  Why should I have to treat them like their mine if I'm not treated like I'm theirs?

Anyways, I'm sorry.  You were right all along and I was wrong.  Now I'm paying for it.  I know you won't forgive me.  That's okay.  I don't deserve it.  I wish I had listened a long time ago. There's no hope for me now. :(


welcome 1dilwhosreal.  Were you a dil from the site we are all talking about??  Just wondering.  And now you're a mil?   
    Wonderin why you'd go to a site basically FOR and BY mils with an ID of a dil??????
     Hmmmmm.....

AnnieB

December 01, 2009, 04:36:37 pm #12 Last Edit: December 01, 2009, 04:38:58 pm by AnnieB
@cremebrulee:  Welcome to our little world, good that you are here.  I love your name! 

*****

@1dil, Who were you when here before?  If you are apologizing, would be good to know -- how come the new name?  I'm confused.  (btw, It would be good to start a thread in a new place as this is kinda cremebrulee's though she's probably kind enough to share :)  )

Welcome back whoever you were.

mom2

1dilwhosreal,

Hello and welcome. I don't know you as I am kinda new myself but I will say it takes guts to admit to being wrong; I admire you for that !!

I  have a daughter as well as a son but, in my case, having the daughter didn't help with the pain and shock of losing my son.

I understand your hurt and frustration but ( just my opinion ) I would try to treat the other two children as my grandkids even though they may not treat you the same... only good could come from that and it reflects on you as a person.

Good luck and I hope the best for you.

SunnyDays09

Just a head's up:  there is a bona fide 1dilwhosreal somewhere else.  This 1dilwhosreal here who claimed right out she lied -- here's a direct quote from recent post:
Quote..."I don't have any other children.  I lied about having other children because I didn't want you to be right about losing him."
Well isn't that special?  What else might this person be lying about? 

Why this person wouldn't come here and use a "1milwhosreal" user ID instead of using someone else's causes me to wonder.  Personally I am glad none of MY previous ID's were used but still, it isn't fair. 

  Seems trollish to me.