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Questions from/for Kara

Started by Kara487, June 03, 2011, 01:15:57 pm

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June 03, 2011, 01:15:57 pm Last Edit: June 03, 2011, 05:47:43 pm by pam1
doesnt surprise me that you would close down my thread. One thing I learned from my short time here if you have a opposing view from you guys here your view is wrong. I just gave you my opinion of the kind of postings I read here. btw my opinion hasnt changed. thanks for reading my post.all I asked for was examples and not one of you that answered my thread gave me an example of how you are trying to make your relationship better with your dil's


Examples abound. You don't need a thread to find them or others to point them out. Read on.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Kara, I answered and asked you to read some of my stories.  Inside the stories you will find examples.  If you want me to answer you right now at this moment in time, I am not.  My DS and DIL chose not to have a relationship with me after they were married.  I have given them their freedom to make that choice and in doing that, I am hoping that will someday make our relationship better.

I think the point you missed from my post was it wasn't about just my DIL.  It was about me, my DS, my XH, my DIL, my DILs Mother, my YS and others.  To understand that, you would have to read my stories and get the history behind everything.  If you just want to try to make it sound like MILs here are just against DILs period, then you have come to the wrong place.

I would like to think you are here to offer wisdom, help others, learn things, get different perspectives and not just try to generalize MILs.  We certainly don't do that here with DILs either.

So let me ask you a question. why are you so certain that it is an MILs place to make the relationship better?  Why not ask me how as a DIL I try to make my relationship better with my MIL?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


I have found that making sweeping generalizations, accusing people of something, and then demanding they prove your opinion isn't true is not likely to get answers on any thread of any message board.


The burden of proof is on the plaintiff. I learned that serving jury duty.

But hey, I'll bite. Dh & I: paid our share of a very expensive wedding; did whatever she asked regarding the wedding; took care of some legal matters for DIL; gave her expensive presents at holidays & birthdays; welcomed her into our family; stayed away from the newlyweds, did not drop in or call. When we were suddenly shunned without reason or warning, and DS came to us livid at his wife's behavior, we sent him back to her to work it out w/o saying a word against her.

How's that?  :D
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


The sheer fact MILs signed up here is proof enough that they have tried.

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Keys Girl

Kara, why are you here? you made some remarks on one of the threads that I started and I asked you who you were and if you had read the whole thread but you never answered.  Two of other people asked you about yourself and you didn't give them the courtesy of a reply.

"Your view is wrong" is what you wrote in your post, but I think you'll find there are many points of view here if you look and you are the only one that I can remember pointing the finger and saying you are right or wrong.

If all you have to contribute are complaints, then please drive on.
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

lancaster lady

Kara :

You said you are new here ....stick around and read on before making judgements .....
we are here as I said before , to try and make things work with our extended families ...
and yes that includes DIL's .
I take it you don't have a very good relationship with your MIL , as you seem to have a dim view
of them in general .
Read all of my postings , I made my DIL feel like a princess , or tried to ....read on to see the results !



  If you look for only the negative that is what you will find.  Read my post as well, and you will see that I too tried to make FDIL feel like a beloved member of the family.  It didn't work.  I am no longer attempting to mend my relationship with her.  I will continue to be myself and if she comes around I will welcome her again.  My intent is to be good to me. 

  You should tell your story. Perhaps your feelings regarding your MIL are justified.  Perhaps you've done all you can to be a decent DIL to no avail.  And just maybe, perhaps there are MILs here who have done all they can to be decent to their DILs and perhaps their feelings are justified as well.  You need to be more objective.  You come across as a unhappy DIL who thinks that all MILs are at fault.  No, it was not said, but yes, it was implied.  Even if you didn't mean to.

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Hi Kara,
I have been an active member for 12 months.     I am not a mil I came here because of the difficulty I was having with my adult children...I have recieved amazing support from MIL and DIL.     I hope to be a MIL one day and possibly the most important information I have read here is to give new DIL SIL space....time for their relationship to fully develop.      As a DIL who doesn't get along terribly well with her MIL I have learnt to take a deep breath, and in my  case "give a little back"  when I can.     I realized from WW here who have tried so hard with there DIL and often feel very hurt that there efforts are falling on deaf ears.      In my case a phone call to MIL and  a thankyou for B/Cards wouldn't have hurt one bit and she would feel appreciated.     It is obvious not all MIL deserve this..  My only critism of MIL (and it isn't my place to critisize anyone here)  is they very often try to hard to get along with DIL  I wonder how they keep going to be honest.    Many MIL and not all (I will not generalize)  give to much of themselves and in the meantime lose who they really are...DIL have also told there own stories of the "MIL from hell"  and many MIL her are very sympathic, lend an ear  and encourage more postings so they can really understand the situation and offer  support to them. 


Maybe if we changed the suject line of this thread? The door is open. Who are you? What do you want? How can we help?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


I did finally figure out how to change the thread title.  I saw it earlier and thought it was a form of baiting, Kara.  Please refrain from singling out posters.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


I think others have said what needs to be said, I just wanted to jump in here at the end with my one cent  worth. LOL
You've made a mistake I believe Kara. The women here are wonderful. Reading as much as I have and still reading too. I see the issues I had and have are really small and near nothing compared to what some of these women are trying to find help with. But you know what? I went ahead and posted my issue and all I got was caring attempts to help me. NOT ONE person laughed at me, made fun of me, or any thing like that. They didn't make me feel silly for being worried about what I was. Instead they jumped right in trying to give me different things to try. So no matter how huge or small your problem is the women here try to lend a helping hand and shoulder. I just can't sit here and see where someone is saying they aren't. So far since finding this site the MILs and DILs both have been friendly and I haven't felt judged at all. I'm sorry you  haven't felt that and I hope you'll give them a chance.


I think some young women, who feel unable to deal with their own situation, spread that anger around at safe targets - nameless faceless Mothers - in - Law on a web site.  :o . I can't say for sure that's what 's going on with Kara, but I'm thinking it has a lot to do with the young women who come on here just spoiling for a fight. This place has been a Godsend for me!

lancaster lady

Me too TMB.....always someone here to chat to when things get tough .
Think Kara has disappeared ....and you know we wanted to help ... :(