Coursework

[holliberri]

I just finished my organizational politics and power class for my MBA (halfway done! Woohoo!).

Anyhow, this was an incredibly powerful course for me. I read a lot of books, and a few I felt pertained to my situation with my in-laws. In fact, I believe my professor mentioned his in-laws several times as examples.

Here is some of the literature we read:

"Dinosaur Brains: Dealing with All Those Impossible People at Work"
"Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In"
"Stumbling Upon Happiness"

The books are old, but relevant. These are strictly superficial reads, but it made me think. Boundaries came up a lot A LOT. I beleive our generation has been taught to believe that boundaries are to be given out readily. "You need to train people how to treat you," was the theme of the course (aside from trying to make sure YOU yourself aren't engaging in any of the behaviors you might find obnoxious). The "training" of other people is done in the form of boundaries, and it is encouraged to be done before you even know whether people are difficult or not. If you lop "at work" off of the first title, it's a pretty handy guide (as well as a good way to validate your own feelings on occasion).

Turns out, I saw a lot of the dinosaur behavior in myself. It did give some resolutions as to how to deal with types of difficult people, and it listed tips as to how one can avoid engaging in that type of behavior themselves. 

Stumbling Upon Happiness was interesting because it made me realize happiness is a state of mind not a destination. It was a little scientific with lots of anecdotal evidence, but it did help me to realize that happiness doesn't come from the situation at hand, it comes from within.

Not all of it was relevant to family situations, but it all gave me a ton of insight into my own. 

[holliberri]

Ah, I forgot my main point:

Getting to Yes was a great book in dealing with conflict. If you can get through the political examples that are used, I think it has some useful advice. Plus, it's a fast read anyhow, so if you didn't like it, you didn't waste much time.

It helped me negotiate an increase in my workload at work b/c I've been wanting to take on more responsibility. It also helped me sit in the hotseat for a little while longer when DH and I are "having a discussion."

[LaurieS]

but can it help you get out of a b-day party while remodeling weekend?    j/k

The books sound interesting.. and I think you may have hit on something with people heading towards a trend of feeling like they need to train people how to treat you... To where it was always, training yourself to know how to properly deal with how people treat you.

This very well could be where so many clashes begin.. mil's taking offense to being 'trained' lol.. doesn't even sound nice does it.  You know I've actually heard that method applied towards husbands and not just by the younger generation.

[Tara]

Hi Holly,

sounds interesting.  may check out those books at the library. 

I do feel women may need to train men as to how they  want to be treated!  And having said that maybe that piece I wrote under
successes, is about training my ds how I want to be treated. 

[LaurieS]

Yes but Tara do you really want or expect to be treated any differently then how he would treat another person?  I think when kids are young this is where the 'training' comes in...and if applied to everyday life there really 'shouldn't' be an issue when they are adults.. ok that was the perfect world.. but once someone is an adult and you then feel like they need to be trained..  I just don't see it being overly successful.

Are having certain expectations in a husband/wife relationship consider training.. maybe I'm just looking at it incorrectly

[lancaster lady]

You must be so clever Holls , an MBA is an incredible achievement !!
My ODS has an MA in Economics , couldn't afford to study for an MBA and couldn't get a company
to sponsor him ...Well done you , don't know how you find the time for everything else .

[luise.volta]

Thanks! Sending love...

[pam1]

It does sound funny but I kinda think everyone does it.  Most people just get it right away lol, oh Pam doesn't like this is easy enough for most people.  Or my MIL is touchy about that, ok I can stop that.  The problem is when you encounter someone who can't or won't pick up those cues.

[LaurieS]

I guess I just looked at it as learning and blending..... lol.. I didn't know I trained him... I guess that since I showed dogs I was use to training the dogs.. they stood the way I wanted, moved the way I wanted.. ok I guess my dh is still in training cause I can't get him to do either of those things when I want.

[pam1]

lol, if only I could get DH to put his dish in the sink...I may have to start using the faucet hose on him. 

[LaurieS]

phooey on the sink... I want them in the dishwasher... I have him outside right now weed eating the trees.. i'm cleaning can you tell lol

[Tara]

Laurie,  it might be wishingful thinking on my part re:  ds.  Thats one of my issues.  On the other hand after talking to
Josh Coleman at length, he seemed to think ds would never be a model son, but there was some room for improvement
if I speak up about my needs.  Time will tell.

[LaurieS]

eeeks I just got caught... later ladies

[pam1]

hahaha, I was just coming on to tell you that I haven't had enough time to get DH properly trained, one step at a time.  Dish in the sink, then dish in the dishwasher lol.  We go slowly around here

[holliberri]

Oh, we did have a success. Birthday party will be first. Renovations will be not so much renovations but small jobs around the house that need doing...and it's not 7 days, it'll be 5. DH realized a party and construction are not complementary. I didn't have to say a word.

I do think the pendulum has swung from one generation to the next. But, Dr. Phil, other psychologists, my MBA courses and my therapist have all talked about boundaries. My guess is that our society is just getting more individualistic. That is why there is no escaping the boundary talk.

I did have to set up one boundary at work: a guy was sitting at my desk repeatedly in the mornings waiting to clock in. Don't ask me why, but I just can't have that.