Author Topic: Facebook Photo Sadness  (Read 8668 times)

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AnonymousDIL

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Facebook Photo Sadness
« on: March 01, 2011, 09:55:59 AM »
Things with my MIL have been "better" since the wedding. And although she still tries to manipulate us, it isn't as bad as it was. I'm still bitter over the stuff she put us through with the wedding, but I know she will never apologize for any of it, so I just don't give into that "bitter" attitude anymore. It was poisoning me.  :(

Anywho, that's not what is bothering me. My MIL is my friend on Facebook, has been for a long time. About a month after DH and I got engaged, she uploaded a bunch of family photos. I know that she had a ton of "family photos" that I was in at this point  (which she said she would email to me- nothing yet), but for some reason she didn't upload a single photo that had me in. Ok, no biggie she just loaded HER family (which she has articulated that I am not a part of even now that DH and I are married and I never will be). The thing is she DIDN'T just upload pics of HER family. BIL1's EX-gf is in some of them.

I can't help but think that she did this deliberately to hurt me. It makes me feel so unwanted. I just want to cry. What explanation is there for this in the day and age of digital photography? She uploaded these pics DAYS after our engagement. Shouldn't that have still been on her mind? Shouldn't she have wanted to include her new (soon to be) DIL?

Incidentally, DH and I still have no photos of his side of the family up in our house. I am STILL waiting on the photos. I have a frame that is waiting for his family pictures (it matches the frame with my family pics in it-- I'm all about symmetry lol). Why won't she give me pictures?

I've thought of "stealing" Facebook photos from her or SIL's albums, but neither of them has put up a single photo that has me in it. There aren't even ones of "just the family" they all have one of the bf/gf's in them. 

Anywho, I'm just SAD and could use some insight  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Offline lancaster lady

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2011, 10:25:14 AM »
Hi Anon
FB has a lot to answer for ...should come with a government warning !!
Why not upload your own photos and put them on your own FB page ,maybe childish but whats good for goose etc ....
Or maybe ask for the photos she promised and put them on FB.
My DIL has her own family photos on show , but none of her DH family .
Can't say it bothers me ,but at a family gathering two years ago I did post family photos including her .
Unless you know she has purposely done this to hurt you ....don't be hurt .
If things are better ,can you ask her why you are missing?
You are her family now ,wish she would except and welcome you .
She gives us MIL's a bad name !!
Don't be sad ...shake it off ....picture her in a silly mask ....and laugh !

holliberri

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2011, 10:26:51 AM »
When I'm being overanalytical over why people do things on Facebook, it gets me nowhere. Like, I was angry that at Thanksgiving, my MIL had printed out every single photo I posted on Facebook of DD and put  them up around her house. I also noticed that I was cut out (cut around is more like it) of all of them.

I do not know why she is doing that, but on the other hand I know why I was wondering about it...I must have been looking for trouble. Her actions can't make me sad if I don't let them. I can't really be mad about her taking the photos b/c I plaster them all over my page and have no control after that. I could be sad/mad/annoyed about being clipped away from my own precious moments (holding DD for the  first time, a wedding photo of DH and I that is now only of him and a tree he was standing next to)....but you know what? I'd be giving her way too much power and it's wasting my time. For all I know there is some shrine somewhere in her house with all the cut out Holliberri bodies/faces.

I'm kind of sorry I had to type about it.

But still, not everything on Facebook is done to sent a message to someone else. And if it is..."Well, I never got the message in the first place, oh well." Power is diffused. My MIL was very upset that I posted photos of DD on Facebook b/c she felt I was rubbing in my time with DD that she doesn't have. She forgets that I have a few hundred other acquaintances on there. 

I don't think you can get insight.


LaurieS

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2011, 10:36:18 AM »
What a world we live in... Adil... I would start by calling her and requesting the photo once again, and then I'd stop looking at her facebook.  I'm not even 'friends' with my own children.. oh but come to think of it my future sil did just ask to be my friend.. he'll be surprised that all I have on my fb is Lowe's ads that was my whole reason for even getting a page.. I don't have friend, no conversations, and I refuse to play farmville or whatever it is.

I think I liked fb better when it was a college social network... but as Holli said, you are giving her to much power in your life.

Holli.. isn't that odd behavior from your mil... I mean really her whole closet could be plastered with Holli photographed body parts.  Once again I am patting myself on the back and saying, darn I'm a much better mil then my dil will ever realize :)

Offline Rose799

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2011, 10:40:31 AM »
If you’ll provide an address, ADIL, a few WW might be willing to pay MIL a visit to inquire on your behalf.  Some WW are retired & have the free time…  We could get little travel trailers & form a convoy, going house to house, toting picket signs with questions we’d like answered.   Wild Women United, what a concept!!! 


 

AnonymousDIL

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2011, 10:41:36 AM »
If things are better ,can you ask her why you are missing?
You are her family now ,wish she would except and welcome you .
She gives us MIL's a bad name !!
Don't be sad ...shake it off ....picture her in a silly mask ....and laugh !

I guess I don't want to "stir the pot" which is why I didn't ask these are photos she has "owed" me for 2 years. I SHOULD have though when she commented on our new picture when she came up for dinner. We got a family photo done for my mom for her b-day because both my brother and I are married now. MIL made one of "those" faces when she saw the one of just DH and I. One of those "where's my copy" kinda look/comment/thing. I should have mentioned about wanting to put the her pics up (I think I might have mentioned about the other frame later, but don't remember for certain)

The last part did actually make me smile. Thanks. :-)

Holli, you're right it is "wasting my time." I don't know why I even bothered looking at her album. I know she won't include me. There were some new photos in my news feed that SIL put up from our wedding and rehearsal dinner. I'm not in any of those either. I mean, really why would you want the bride in a wedding pic? lol But SIL's boyfriend was in the pics. So, it's not a "family" picture. :-(

There I go wasting my time again! lol

AnonymousDIL

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2011, 10:43:10 AM »
If you’ll provide an address, ADIL, a few WW might be willing to pay MIL a visit to inquire on your behalf.  Some WW are retired & have the free time…  We could get little travel trailers & form a convoy, going house to house, toting picket signs with questions we’d like answered.   Wild Women United, what a concept!!! 

Well, I hear it is really HOT where she's from...... LOL sorry, just couldn't help myself!

Offline Scoop

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2011, 10:50:50 AM »
Naw Adil, it wasn't about you.  It was about her.

She was looking through her pictures and she put up the ones she liked.  That's it.

Now, you know she doesn't like you and doesn't consider you family.  Why are you surprised that she doesn't put photos of you up?

Stop waiting for a family picture from her, you're not going to get it.  Fill that frame with something else.  Make a nice collage of DH's family if you have separate pictures (include one of you and DH together).  Make a scrapbook type page with a favourite quote "The days go by so slowly, but the years they go so fast" or "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

As for her Facebook page, you can block it without un-friending her. 

Offline Rose799

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2011, 11:00:08 AM »
I'll need a little more time to consider going thaaat far on your behalf, ADIL.   ;D

I bet there is a secret shrine in your name, Holli! 


AnonymousDIL

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2011, 11:00:59 AM »
Now, you know she doesn't like you and doesn't consider you family.  Why are you surprised that she doesn't put photos of you up?

You're right. I shouldn't be surprised.

Maybe it's time to "redo" both frames. I can put some wedding photos and lines from our vows and song in them. The only photos I have of DH's family are the ones the photographer took at the wedding. The two frames are on either side of our engagement photo which had a mat for everyone to sign at the wedding. It would actually look really nice that way.

Thanks, Scoop. I think I might have to start on this tonight. :-)

Offline Rose799

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2011, 11:06:42 AM »
For what it's worth, ADIL, I'm still waiting on wedding photos dd promised 5 years ago... 

Faithlooksup

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2011, 11:37:45 AM »
Hello ADIL,   I am sorry to hear about this--however of course she is playing games with you....Counterpoint--dont play in her games, respectfull said~~she is not worth it.....for I also had a Nasty MIL so I understand...Let her post on her walls what ever she wants, someday, someone will ask her where are pictures of you.

If she is not sending you any pictures--fine, let her be that way.  Just fill up your frames with more pictures of your family and DH...Please do not bend to her for someone whom treats you that way just is not worth it...I would no longer waste my time---let her come to you...live your life and leave her out of it...and the more you just ignore her, perhaps she may wonder.

Actually the ball is in your court....you can bounce the ball back to her and play the game---or you can say "Games Over" and walk away.....

Wishing you the Best...Faith

holliberri

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2011, 11:48:05 AM »
Holli.. isn't that odd behavior from your mil... I mean really her whole closet could be plastered with Holli photographed body parts.  Once again I am patting myself on the back and saying, darn I'm a much better mil then my dil will ever realize :)

Here's the thing. There's a possibility I'm reading way too much into how she chooses to decorate her house. In which case, that makes me a little neurotic.

There's also a possibility that due to space/frame size/themes, that it suited to have DS in the photos but not me.

I wouldn't want someone coming into my house asking me about my decorating motifs, so I shouldn't be thinking about hers. Funny, I wouldn't have noticed at all if she didn't have any photos of anyone.

Same goes for Facebook. She may be trying to bait me, but no matter how I look at it, I don't see me coming out squeaky clean if I start a battle about it. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2011, 12:22:20 PM »
IMHO you are looking for logic where there isn't any. She is a small person and acts that way. You are so wise not to take the bait. Put up your own pictures. I seldom go to Facebook...it is too superficial for me and even though it hasn't been used as a battlefield by my extended family...I know it is becoming very common to use to insult people. How sad. What she does is about her...and it's not very complimentary. Don't look for respect and kindness in those who find it a totally foreign concept. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: Facebook Photo Sadness
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2011, 12:53:34 PM »
ADIL, I am so sorry she did that.  And I mean it...I know how bad it feels.  I am a big FB supporter and I love mine, but my DIL only posts pics of her side of the family, and my Ex's side...never any of my side.  Her bridal shower, wedding, rehearsal...not a one posted with my family in it.  And even worse, when I remarried, I had both my Sons in it, and my Stepdaughter and DIL.  We had the four of them as our wedding party (And yes, I asked them, not demanded it...lol).  Afterwards, I tagged my DIL in the photos that had her in them....she untagged herself!!!!  Lol.  It's funny now, but at the time I was very hurt.  I asked her after her wedding if I could pick some photos of them from the photographer and pay for them to have, and she said I could.  That never happened either.

So now, I don't worry about it.  And back in December, for whatever reason, she unfriended me. (Still don't know why that was.) I have pictures up in my home of both my Sons, GD, SD and even ones from the wedding that have DIL in them.  I put up the ones I love and cherish.  You can do the same.  Pick out something you love and put in that beautiful frame.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell