Author Topic: I am so jaded...  (Read 15632 times)

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overwhelmed123

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I am so jaded...
« on: February 24, 2011, 12:58:59 PM »
I feel so jaded toward other DILs right now at the site I used to frequent.  I find myself wanting to defend MILs when I see every single little thing being turned against them.  I swear there are some people out there who would tell you after their MIL said, "I understand what I did, I have no excuses, and I'm very truly sorry," she really meant, "I hope you die."  It's like they read into EVERYTHING.  If she offers you leftovers from a meal, she's insinuating you're a terrible cook.  If she calls to see how you're doing, she's just trying to glean information.  "Oh trust me, I know her.  I know she was insinuating that she hates me when she said she's glad I'm her DIL."

And what really really makes me so jaded is how quick people are these days to say OH, CUT THEM OFF RIGHT AWAY!  I hate being cut off.  It's such an awful feeling.  We tried everything we could think of before we made the decision to cut off communication- and it was not made lightly.  It shouldn't be made lightly- okay, just because you have no real attachments to your husband's family doesn't mean that HE doesn't.  It's like if a MIL accidentally spills something on your rug, you should cut her off!  It is really upsetting to me for those of us who really DO have real problems and aren't just control freaks who have to have it their way all the time.  I sometimes think to myself, "my gosh, what I wouldn't give to have a MIL like yours and you're sitting here just looking for reasons to dislike her."   It really gets to me sometimes.   

Offline Pooh

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2011, 01:06:06 PM »
OW, you have such a good heart.  I have been on a couple of DIL sites before I found this one, because I wanted to see if I could get some perspectives from other DILs to see if I could find a way to get along with mine, or see if there was things maybe I was doing that I didn't recognize.  I kept reading story after story of things that as an MIL and a DIL, I just didn't understand either.  I found most of them were just interested in bashing their MIL, not looking for answers or ideas.  So I didn't go back after awhile.

I think that is what is different here.  We may not always agree, but we don't just bash away at each other or a category.  And I like that if a bashy DIL or MIL comes in here, the other MILs and DILs will defend each other.  It's great.  So hold your head up and don't let those types of people (MIL or DIL) get to you.  You have true issues with your MIL and you gave it every opportunity to work out before making your decision.  You are not the same as them, and never will be, because you believe in family.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2011, 01:12:18 PM »
We started out a MIL site but soon found that DILs wanted to interact with us. Hate sites are for haters.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

overwhelmed123

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2011, 01:15:22 PM »
Thank you, Pooh, that means a lot. :)

Yes, I would often find that if I would try to bring something up and offer a "bigger picture" or different perspective, it would be criticized because I wasn't saying, "YEAH!  She breathed wrong!  How dare she- cut her off!"

You are right, Luise-hate sites are for haters!  It's a shame it is a hate site, because I feel that so many would benefit from a little perspective.  I'm so glad I found you guys.  And my new MIL, Pooh.  ;)

Offline Pooh

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2011, 01:17:09 PM »
That'sssss right.  And if we get mad at each other, we are suiting up for laser tag...whoever has the most points at the end...wins the argument...problem solved!  :P
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline pam1

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2011, 01:26:02 PM »
Some people just want to vent and don't want a solution or the solution is harder than their problem. I can't say I really blame them but it's definitely not for me. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2011, 01:40:38 PM »
We're glad you found us, too!  ;D We have had women here from both sides of the issue that just wanted to stay stuck and hammer their point of view across. They don't last long. Either, they move past the self- pity and/or rage and consider other options or they leave...with or without my "assistance."  Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

overwhelmed123

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2011, 01:41:43 PM »
LOL!  Good, Pooh, cause I rock at laser tag!

I know what you mean, Pam, but sometimes it seems like it's not even just venting.  It's completely cutting someone off or literally "hating" them for stupid reasons.  I get the venting thing, but it seems so overboard sometimes. 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #8 on: February 24, 2011, 01:47:25 PM »
Yup...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2011, 01:56:22 PM »
Yeah, everyone needs to vent sometimes (Moi' included), but when it is always venting....umm....there's another name for it that I am not allowed to say or Luise will put me in the time out chair....
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline pam1

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2011, 02:00:58 PM »
That's true, but it isn't just DIL's who are like that.  Not that I'm disagreeing with you, I don't want to be around a constant dumper, but I just think it's better for my frame of mind to remember that it's not the title.

And what do you get to do if you don't want to play laser tag????
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2011, 02:01:13 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

overwhelmed123

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2011, 02:20:22 PM »
That's true, but it isn't just DIL's who are like that.  Not that I'm disagreeing with you, I don't want to be around a constant dumper, but I just think it's better for my frame of mind to remember that it's not the title.

So true, you are so wise, Pam! :)

What about bowling?  Monopoly?  No that takes too long.

Offline pam1

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #13 on: February 24, 2011, 06:09:11 PM »
Awww, I hope DH reads this thread! 

Bowling is okkkk, monopoly no.  How about watching housewives and eating fancy snacks and drinks??
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Mariatobe

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Re: I am so jaded...
« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2011, 08:59:39 PM »
I'm almost certain I know what site you are referring to...as there was recently a "fight" on there.  But let me say this...I just read a post on here that stated something like..."my dil is so disrespectful, now she's getting the whole family involved."  When pressed for details, there are none, more like, "just take my word for it."  Sorry, but no.  I'm can guarantee my mil thinks I'm disrespectful because I don't behave the way she wants me to.  Why?  Because I don't take her snide remarks and cut downs anymore.  Therefore, I must be disrespecting her. The other ladies on here said something like..."we feel your pain, we'll just take your word for it."  Really?  At least on the "other" site, they go into details about problems, and other ladies offer genuine solutions.  On here, every single post I've read turns into a gab fest about something entirely different. 
If you want to defend all mil's, that's fine.  But I can't and won't do that until some facts emerge, and not."just take my word for it." Some ladies do recommend cut offs.  Some offer solutions to try to work it out.  But I'll be damned if I jump to the defense of every MIL on here, because some times, I can see my MIL in some of these posters as well...   It's my opinion so if anyone wants to dump on me, then so be it, but I see what's in front of me...