Author Topic: Birthday Party  (Read 17168 times)

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holliberri

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Birthday Party
« on: February 05, 2011, 06:07:56 AM »
Gulp....here goes...my first ever post.

DD is almost 8 months old. I come home from work last night and DH says, "My mom asked about a birthday party for DD, and if she was allowed to come." (Why would she think she wasn't allowed to come?). I said, "Okay, and?" DH says, "I told her she could certainly come. She said that was great; she looked at the calendar and decided we should have the party on the Saturday after DD's birthday, and she's sending an e-mail out to all of her family."

Um...what? Help. I'm seething. Her date for the party does coincidentally jive with the one I was planning on, so I don't think I can take issue with that. I just got lucky with that, I'll worry more about that problem when she picks the date next year.  But...I wasn't inviting my *Ants* (that's for you Laurie) and Uncles, nor DH's Aunts and Uncles. What kind of party am I supposed to have now? I planned on it being GPs and great GPs (DH's included) only, with a symbolic invitation to my brother and family and DH's brother and family who wouldn't dream of trekking a few thousand miles for that with kids and wife in tow.

I bit my tongue. I had some chocolate this morning. I'm not sure which direction to take. Thoughts? I did the math: my Aunts and Uncles, plus his equals well over 100 people. I can't afford all of that fried chicken! Even if I just invite his family...it's 47 people. That's too many. I'm not a Real Housewife of Philadelphia! I just can't stomach investing all that effort/time/money into a first birthday party.

Offline JaneF

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2011, 08:31:01 AM »
Oh gee, for lack of a better comment! First of all I think MIL over stepped her bounds! It should be YOUR choice as to date and who is or is not invited to dd birthday party (and your spouse also of course!). I would not feel obligated to provide a fried chicken meal for all those folks either. This party is about your child right? If MIL thinks all those people should be invited, I would let her know SHE can provide food for them! Cake and ice cream alone for that many people will be a costly venture. I am a MIL, and I would never behave this way. However, I have a DIL that does not allow me or our side of the family to my grandaughters birthday parties, but her family gets nto be at every one. I have been to one party for my 12 year old drandaughter, and one for other that will be five this month. Sad how there are such variations in family behavior huh? Sorry you are dealing with this, and I think I would be considering letting MIL know boundaries are being crossed. Best of luck with the party. Keep us posted on updates please!!!

seasage

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2011, 08:46:10 AM »
Gulp....here goes...my first ever post.

DD is almost 8 months old. I come home from work last night and DH says, "My mom asked about a birthday party for DD, and if she was allowed to come." (Why would she think she wasn't allowed to come?). I said, "Okay, and?" DH says, "I told her she could certainly come. She said that was great; she looked at the calendar and decided we should have the party on the Saturday after DD's birthday, and she's sending an e-mail out to all of her family."


What's to sweat?  Your DH and MIL are planning a big party.  Ask them where it will be and what everyone will be wearing, because you want to go out and buy a new outfit for it. 

Sit back and let DH get himself out of this.  He is the one who got himself into it - although clearly he thinks MIL is getting YOU into it.  Hahahahaha!  That's what I would tell him.

seasage

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2011, 08:51:50 AM »
P.S. 

You can't have a party that big at your house, because DD is going to get stressed and fussy, and she will need a quiet place to crash.

I have heard that McDonalds will do something that large.

seasage

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2011, 08:57:16 AM »
A June birthday?  Pass this on to DH, as he is planning it.  I recommend renting a pavilion at a local park and telling all the relatives it will be a dish-to-pass.

As of right now, Holliberri, your job is done.  How about a nice long shower or hot tub?


Offline Pen

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2011, 09:08:28 AM »
Seasage, you're too much. I totally agree - Holli, put the responsibility back on DH & MIL. I know it will still be hard to witness the big to-do that you didn't want, but at least you won't have to put out any effort towards it.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

holliberri

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2011, 09:14:49 AM »
I think that's exactly what I will do. We're skyping tomorrow...this should be a hoot!

One small problem with the state park...no alcohol allowed. I will have to come plied already! 

Are birthdays this big of a deal or am I alone in trying to keep it simple?

Offline pam1

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2011, 09:22:32 AM »
Gulp....here goes...my first ever post.

DD is almost 8 months old. I come home from work last night and DH says, "My mom asked about a birthday party for DD, and if she was allowed to come." (Why would she think she wasn't allowed to come?). I said, "Okay, and?" DH says, "I told her she could certainly come. She said that was great; she looked at the calendar and decided we should have the party on the Saturday after DD's birthday, and she's sending an e-mail out to all of her family."


What's to sweat?  Your DH and MIL are planning a big party.  Ask them where it will be and what everyone will be wearing, because you want to go out and buy a new outfit for it. 

Sit back and let DH get himself out of this.  He is the one who got himself into it - although clearly he thinks MIL is getting YOU into it.  Hahahahaha!  That's what I would tell him.

This.  All of this.

Natural consequences, Holli. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

stilltryen

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2011, 09:24:28 AM »
If DD is 8 months old and the party (I presume) is for her first birthday, you still have 4 months.  I agree with everyone here.  If your MIL decided to stick her big nose into this, then she's on the hook for it all, as far as I'm concerned.  Send her a nice email and tell her you're very happy that she's taking this on, as you would have simply planned a small affair - not having her resources.  That will definitely put her on notice that you are expecting her to pick up the entire tab.  Then ask her where she's having it so that you can be sure to be there on time.  Don't offer to do anything or pay for anything.  After the party, make sure you tell her (when DH is standing there), "Thank you very much, this was a pretty big affair for DD's first birthday.  However, in the future, please let us take care of the birthday parties.  I'm sure this cost you quite a bit and, actually, we prefer small events."

Somehow, I have a feeling that when MIL figures out that you've put everything on her, she might not be so willing to go out on that tree branch by herself.

Offline pam1

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2011, 09:26:33 AM »
Are bdays a big deal?  LOLOLOLOLOLOL

I never thought so.  I mean, I like to plan kiddie parties.  But adult?  We can go out for drinks or to eat or something.

DH's family?   Heeeeeeeee.....I feel like a 5 year old.  All day party for ADULTS.  Complete with kiddie bday games.  OMG, I'm not kidding.  And when I first started getting involved in DH's fam...well, I treated them like everyone else.  Most of the time invites were last minute so I usually already had plans and would decline like a normal person.  But oh heck no, MIL wasn't having that.  I was just supposed to know that their bday was coming up and keep my schedule clear to participate all day.  Nuts. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Mariatobe

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2011, 09:46:43 AM »
Since she didn't have the courtesy to talk to you, probably knowing DH would be a softie, she butted right in, where she had no right to.  Basically, tell DH this isn't what you were thinking at all.  That 4 months ahead of time is RIDICULOUS, and unless she's paying for the whole thing, she doesn't get to plan this.  This is YOUR baby, it's not up to her to plan a party for YOUR child.  She way over stepped her bounds, I would make sure I held DH as the responsible one to tell her this.  Period. NOT up for debate.  If it comes up again, you can call her, let her know next time she's planning something for YOUR children, she needs to call YOU.   YOUR the wife and woman of the house.  She totally and completly overstepped her bounds.  I'm mad for you.

Mariatobe

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2011, 10:03:38 AM »
Basically, she tried to beat you to the punch so to speak, to get her way.  Very manipulative.

LaurieS

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2011, 10:59:16 AM »
I would simply give her a call -today- and explain to her that you and your dh will be making out the guest list for any party that you will be giving your child... I would tell her that without a doubt that she will be invited but that you have no intentions of inviting the entire extended family.. I'd let her know that you are aware of the mention of her sending out invitations and that this is simply not her place, once again I'd reiterate that this is your event.  And because I'm a ahhhh not a nice person sometimes.. I would tell her that the date that she try to set will not work, once again not her place to decide.. so what if you decide on that date a month before the event when you send out the invites.

While throwing the whole thing into her lap might be tempting.. she will most likely love the idea and will be your full time party planner in the future.  I say nip it and hard. Oh and hubby wouldn't be getting any tonight either. 

1Glitterati

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #13 on: February 05, 2011, 11:17:47 AM »
Are bdays a big deal?  LOLOLOLOLOLOL

I never thought so.  I mean, I like to plan kiddie parties.  But adult?  We can go out for drinks or to eat or something.

DH's family?   Heeeeeeeee.....I feel like a 5 year old.  All day party for ADULTS.  Complete with kiddie bday games.  OMG, I'm not kidding.  And when I first started getting involved in DH's fam...well, I treated them like everyone else.  Most of the time invites were last minute so I usually already had plans and would decline like a normal person.  But oh heck no, MIL wasn't having that.  I was just supposed to know that their bday was coming up and keep my schedule clear to participate all day.  Nuts.

I'll set on the bench with you Pam.  I feel the same way.

For the kids when they were very little...we'd just do cake and either invite the gps over or not.  My mom would always have a cake for them at her house sometime before or after their birthday.  (Still does.)

As they've gotten older...they have parties where they invite their little friends from school.  That's it.  We don't invite any other family to them.  I just don't see the need for it.

By the same token...I'm not interested in going to someone elses party for their small child or even their child at all.  Some cake?  Maybe.  A party?  No thanks.  To me that's more of a hellish ordeal than a good time.

Yeah...I know.  Many think I'm a grinch.  I'm cool w/it.   :)

stilltryen

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Re: Birthday Party
« Reply #14 on: February 05, 2011, 11:27:44 AM »
Mariatobe, I read your first sentence, "Since she didn't have the courtesy to talk to you, probably knowing DH would be a softie, she butted right in, where she had no right to." and that struck a cord.  My DIL seldom to never picks up the phone or emails me.  Everything is routed through DS.  Taking my cue directly from her, I always call or email DS when I have a question or comment.  I think it's silly and I'd prefer just to call and ask her, but then I don't want that to be another sticking point with her, i.e., "Your mom always calls me."  (And no, I rarely, rarely ever call or email, but I can hear her now.)

I guess my question would be, holliberri, does your MIL always call your hubby, do you have regular conversations with her or is everything routed through him?  Just another perspective that occurred to me.