Author Topic: part of letting go~  (Read 1764 times)

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penelope

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part of letting go~
« on: January 25, 2011, 05:43:18 PM »
I removed my recent topic~I was given alot of good advice and have thought about it all day,if my DIL or DS ever came across this,it would not help seeing it posted for all to see,I'm going to let go and for me thats starting from scratch becouse I really do want things to work out...and I need to own up to my part in all this:) our family is full of love and fun,if they keep a distance it's not by our choice~

holliberri

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2011, 05:59:11 PM »
Penelope,

That's awfully big of you. I think you're doing wonderful by the way. I have also worried about what would happen if some people in my family saw what I posted, but I guess I'm still looking for some validation. I may just follow your example.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #2 on: January 25, 2011, 06:16:26 PM »
New beginnings. Good for you! Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #3 on: January 25, 2011, 07:06:04 PM »
Penelope,

That's awfully big of you. I think you're doing wonderful by the way. I have also worried about what would happen if some people in my family saw what I posted, but I guess I'm still looking for some validation. I may just follow your example.
Maybe they need to Holliberri.. maybe they don't see you as a level headed woman who is more then slightly baffled by her family :)

penelope

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2011, 04:38:04 AM »
even tho the kids have lap tops,my computer is in the open and alot of ppl use it~seeing our situation in print was a reality check,and seeing all the advice to,I have only had this talk with family and best friends,so of course we all agree with eachother and feed into it,kinda one sided,I plan on keeping my Fb,I have made alot of wonderful friends thru my military moms group,and my families on there and most of all I get a few min in the morning to tell my son I love him and know at least for 1 more day he's safe~I have to keep telling myself to remove the word "should",good advice,who am I to tell someone how they should act,I was up all night thinking about it,I know her mom is controlling becouse I was given a taste of it first hand,and I didn't like it,I don't wanna be like that~I've seen her already post her negative comments this morning and just went to another page....babysteps:) I had to think again,okay not asking for opinion or advice:) my ds is an adult,and I love him more than anything in the world,if keeping my mouth shut and my opinion to myself means he gets to come around,I'll wire the darn thing shut!!! hahahaha I sat all night thinking of my MIL (R.I.P) she was extremely controlling and I think I have taken on some of her,I don't know why I would do that becouse it drove me nuts!! I had been on my own since 16 so I knew I wasn't acting like a child....now I have to figure out how to sit down with not just my DIL but my older sons GF to and say..what are boundries? and where do we go from here? my hubby has the same issues with this so it's not just me,the dear man just lets me look like the villian!!!! hahaha honestly,I waitressed for many,many years so striking up a conversation with someone or meeting ppl is so not an issue, but this scares me,what if it can't be fixed..then what do I do? or do I just let sleeping dogs lay sorta speak:)

Holliberry,you are a wise young lady,your advice and opinions were so helpful,you made me look at it from a point of view I have never seen,so Thank You~ and i wasn't sure if i said please tell your hubby Thank You for his service and Thank You for standing behind him and supporting him...alot of guys are left standing alone due to the young wives can't handle the stress~it's not an easy life so Thank You~

Offline Pooh

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2011, 05:05:18 AM »
Yay!  Penelope...baby steps..you are doing great!

Holli, If my DIL/DS comes across my posts, psssshhh....at this point, it will either help or stay the same, cause nothing else has worked!  And anything that I have said about them on here, is the truth, and I would say it to their face if they ever decided they wanted to sit down and work out our problems.  If they get more mad?  What are they going to do?  Not talk to me?  Not come see me?  Oh, wait....thats where I am at now!   ;D 

Of course I realize many of you are still working on the relationship right now and still in contact so you don't want them to think you are out talking about them. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

penelope

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2011, 05:20:00 AM »
to funny pooh~ I have tried to talk to my son,but got no where so we left it at that~everything I had put is 100% accurate,lucky for me it's all on Fb in print:b I don't gossip so thats not an issue,I just know if she seen it the storm would brew back up,I have to keep in mind of her maturity level,I'm not really dealing with a gonna be 21 yr old girl in a few days mentally,you guys have really made me see that:) I'm 43 years old,I should be worrying about other things,not this,to me it feels like high school....I'm gonna try like crazy to turn my babysteps into strides..if the marriage is gonna make it time will tell. I have all sons,I would LOVE,LOVE,LOVE a daughter:) when my oldest first started dating his gf a few years ago,I was so geeked,I took her to the mall and spoiled her...it was so much fun,until we had to keep throwing her out of his bed everymorning and finding things no parent should find in their home,she was 17 he was 19,they decided they didn't like our house rules and moved out to play house...best thing to ever happen,3 months later he was back and realized to young to be so serious,needed to get financial in order first:) and has been a grown up ever since,they are now saving to buy a house and get married~I did tell him one day while argueing why she can't basically live with us,I hope you have 6 daughters some day and they are all wild!!!! lol looking back at that comment,that could hurt me as most leave home and live with gp...hahahahahaha

Offline Pooh

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2011, 05:34:08 AM »
I figure if you have someone that is going to cause you trouble, lie or twist words...it wouldn't matter if they saw it here, a status on FB, a paycheck stub....they are going to find something to fuss about or make something up if they don't.

So this is my therapy.  My choice of outlet.  Luise is my Yoda, and even though I might fuss about my DS and DIL, if they ever do come around and want to try, I have learned so much from everyone and am now better equipped to deal with it.

So if my DIL or DS is reading this.....HHHEEEEEYYYYYYYY   :P

Guess they'll be really ticked when I get my auto-biography finished.....
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

holliberri

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2011, 05:53:52 AM »

So if my DIL or DS is reading this.....HHHEEEEEYYYYYYYY   :P

Guess they'll be really ticked when I get my auto-biography finished.....

Hahaha.

LaurieS

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2011, 09:19:01 AM »
I've thought about this same scenario myself.... if my dil came across this site, well of course my name might catch her eye.. but I don't think she could recognize herself in my words.  Hmmm let me rephrase that.. I don't think she is capable of seeing anything in herself that the rest of us see on a daily basis.

penelope

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2011, 09:35:25 AM »
why laurie,are you saying airhead!! lol sorry:) I think mine would,unless she truely doesn't realize what she's doing,which I don't think thats the case,but I do feel she thinks I'm stupid,her comments are so obviously directed at me:) shes ranten today on FB,I am so proud of myself, I ignored it becouse I thought can't blame me...I've been good~always someone on the radar~a few weeks ago I got to chat with my son around 5 a.m..I had seen she already by that time made the usual complaining about someone post,I never say anything to him,we joke around about stuff and he asks how is everyone,just normal...we always start our conversation with I love you,so 10 min into it I see the post,I said I don't wanna make you mad,I'm not trying to start anything,I love you and want you to know I have nothing to do with her post....lol he laughed and said I know mom:) and I asked him why is she always mad,he didn't know~

LaurieS

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #11 on: January 26, 2011, 09:59:23 AM »
LOL I wouldn't say an airhead.. but I honestly with all my heart feel that she thinks she is the stealthiest of them all.. I don't believe she thinks that any of us can see through her games, as she is much to crafty for our simple minds :)  Her family can't, that much is for sure, I've witnessed this myself on to many occasions.  Unfortunately her own husband has seen through many of her veiled attempts to disassociate him from his family.  What a nasty little eye opener that has to be when you see that your own spouse doesn't really have your back. 

I chuckled over Christmas, because before the holiday I was upfront about my intention of purchasing as part of my son's gift a plane ticket to come home after his deployment... I told him that I had X-amount of money to spend and after the ticket then I'll buy her a gift.  I told him to talk to her because I'm not sneaking around for anyone.  He did, and she was fine with that.. the fact that we saw our son 1 day before his last deployment and less then one full day before this deployment, hmmm while her parents saw him approximately 3 full weeks, and we won't even count the time that she spent at her parents while he was deployed, but whatever she granted us permission.  When  we all finally got to exchange gifts she pipes up with oh honey your mom did take my suggestion about the plane ticket home...I know how important it is for you to spend time with your family as well.  I don't know who it was that said, "Here Laurie, drink this spiked eggnog"

Now with the pregnancy, I doubt that he will come for a visit after his deployment, ticket or no ticket, because at 6  weeks pregnant she told me last night that she may have to quit her new teaching job to do what is right for the baby. I asked, didn't you say you were due in September?  School lets out end of May.. yes she said but I now have to think only about my baby and what is right for my baby.  But I'd be willing to bet that if she is quits her brand new career due to the nurturing of her baby, that it would be good for her baby to fly down here to visit her parents for a month or more and interfere once again with any visit on our part.

No, she is not an airhead, she thinks she's cleverly conniving.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #12 on: January 26, 2011, 10:18:27 AM »
Conniving, yes...clever? No pass!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

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Re: part of letting go~
« Reply #13 on: January 26, 2011, 10:31:17 AM »
And it's not very becoming on anyone.