Maybe baby?

[MrsKitty]

Hi Creme.
Thanks for your input. To be honest, I have always wanted a daughter 

[LaurieS]

yeah, there are hard times....just don't have a son...LOL....
unless you really really understand, you can't interfer and you must let them go....

a daughter is a daughter all your life, and a son is a son until he takes a wife, and it is soooooooooo true.....

I don't believe that for a minute... Once your children go off into their own lives, most balanced parents understand that you should not interfere, but this is true whether it's your son or your daughter.  Being a parent is not about interference, but about teaching them balance, love, loyalty, responsibility amongst other lessons.  If I went along with that old hogwash of a saying, I might as well give up on ever having a relationship with my boys, and I'm not going to do that.

Some parents do test those waters, some possibly do need to feel that they take priority in their children's lives after they've married.  Some have to learn the hard way to let their kids grow up and live, but letting them live does not have to exclude parents.  My sons still come to us when they are unsure of an investment, a car repair, or recently how to approach a girlfriend apprehensive father.  I just had one call today to ask if I'd like to go shoe shopping with him.  This is being a parent and being a parent is giving your child every tool that they need to be the best parent in return.

If I went along with that type of saying then when my daughter marries I should just send a sympathy card to the grooms parents.  I think when I have a sil I will see him as a whole person who came to be the same as my children.. he wasn't hatched at some science lab, for that reason I would expect him to continue with the same relationship he has with his parents now. 

 

[jill]

So true, Laurie.
I have two daughters, and not close to either of them, and have friends who are much closer to their sons.  Whatever you have Mrs.Kitty you will love them every minute of the rest  of your life.

[LaurieS]

Maybe she'll get lucky and have one of each.

[kathleen]

Dear Mrs. Kitty,

I am late responding to this, but it has given me some great memories, so thank you for asking.

I was 36 when I had my last baby, and in that sense, I was close to your potential experience.  I had my first son at age 22, then adopted.  When I was so young I wasn't fully mature enough to be the greatest mother.  This didn't mean that I didn't love those babies so dearly.  It did mean that my youngest son had the benefit of my age and experience and as you say of yourself, financial stability and a stable home life.  I also had this very over-drugged birthing experience with my first which was awful.  We then adopted, partly because my body wasn't stable enough yet to have another child, but also, and mainly, because we were committed to giving a disadvantaged child a home, hopefully a good one.  When my second pregnancy/third child came along, I was firm that I would have natural childbirth and I did.  Yes, K, it is frightening to contemplate, but if you can go through it, it is unlike anything else; fear is erased during that experience of no drugs, oh yes, it is.  It teaches so much and raises the natural joy level to even greater heights.  Please consider it.  I feel that once you are pregnant, you will cross all the barriers you describe of fear.  You obviously want to have a child, or you wouldn't write so eloquently here.  The main thing is: do NOT be afraid.

In each case of having the babies, both biological and adopted, it was beyond description.  No other experience in life compares with that baby first  time in your arms.  It's the most loving, most beautiful, most other-worldly experience you will ever have.  Later, there will be trials and tribulations and sometimes pain enough to match the first joys.  But, I wouldn't give it up for anything.  There is no moment so sublime, so ecstatic with joy, as when your babe is placed in your arms.  It's the gaze, someone once said so beautifully, the first meeting of the eyes with your little one.  A moment so special it cannot be described in words.  The thing that bonds us all as humans, the hope for the world.

Despite the troubles I've had with my adopted son, your post made me look back and realize I never would have given up the experience of motherhood, not just the JOYS, but the EXPERIENCE of it.  It's the deepest human connection that can be made and, if managed properly with good and supportive care during pregnancy and childbirth, your fears will be so alleviated.  Read a whole ton of information; know what you want; know your medical providers; know if they are committed to a natural experience.  You'll be fine!

It is an experience, an act of faith, that demands that you not look into the future with expectations.  Your little one is enough.  From your concerns, I can see you will be a wonderful mother.  Don't miss out on this experience of life.  And thank you again for asking, for you've made me realize that every part of it, even the bad, has been worth every minute of it.

I think you know you're ready to be a parent when you realize it "scares the life out of you" and you go ahead. 

Kathleen

[cremebrulee]

yeah, there are hard times....just don't have a son...LOL....
unless you really really understand, you can't interfer and you must let them go....

a daughter is a daughter all your life, and a son is a son until he takes a wife, and it is soooooooooo true.....

I don't believe that for a minute... Once your children go off into their own lives, most balanced parents understand that you should not interfere, but this is true whether it's your son or your daughter.  Being a parent is not about interference, but about teaching them balance, love, loyalty, responsibility amongst other lessons.  If I went along with that old hogwash of a saying, I might as well give up on ever having a relationship with my boys, and I'm not going to do that.

Some parents do test those waters, some possibly do need to feel that they take priority in their children's lives after they've married.  Some have to learn the hard way to let their kids grow up and live, but letting them live does not have to exclude parents.  My sons still come to us when they are unsure of an investment, a car repair, or recently how to approach a girlfriend apprehensive father.  I just had one call today to ask if I'd like to go shoe shopping with him.  This is being a parent and being a parent is giving your child every tool that they need to be the best parent in return.

If I went along with that type of saying then when my daughter marries I should just send a sympathy card to the grooms parents.  I think when I have a sil I will see him as a whole person who came to be the same as my children.. he wasn't hatched at some science lab, for that reason I would expect him to continue with the same relationship he has with his parents now. 

Laurie, I am very very weary of you taking my posts and posting something like this...you never ever, show me any acknowledge whatso ever, unless you have something negative to say about my posts...
you can disagree...and I don't really care if you do....and maybe your doing this on purpose, I don't know, however, ever since you joined this forum, you take my posts and disect them and tear them apart in the very worst way possible....I mean you really tear me a new one....Laurie, you have a right to your opinion, however, you do not have a right to attack someone like this with mean spirit....this is the very reason I stayed away for so long...you h ave never ever once come into any post I've made to say something nice, you wait and lurk and then pounce, and I don't know what I ever did to you personally, however, this post of yours has gone way to far and I'm sick of it....your very outspoken to the point of disgracing someone....and it's so wrong....so, disagree, I really don't care....however, the strength of your posts to me, personally reflects a definate personality conflict, and I suggest, if you have to post something like this, then don't post at all....I've watched you since you've been here, and you've attacked me since the very beginning, and I've tried very hard to ignore you, but you do know how to push buttons....i.e. this post and the last few you've made.
Have you heard the old saying, if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all? 

Why me Laurie, HUH?

you literally take my thoughts and feelings I write, and totally discet them and call them hogwash...

What works for you, doesn't work for me or others here and visa versa...
I know you'd be perfectly happy if I'd leave here for good, but I ask you, if you wouldn't mind if you have to disagree so forcefully, then please refrain from posting anything at all...as I said, maybe that is your intent...but not a very nice thing to do...it has nothing to do with us disagreeing, it's more then that....what is it Laurie...?

I am not hogwash, and when you talk like that, your not only disregarding my total being, but my whole families, b/c that is who we are....
and my thoughts and feelings may be hogwash, however, doesn't mean your an authority or your right to the extent of being this cruel....
your not always right and neither am I, but you never ever saw me come into any of your posts and talk to you with such little regard, and I believe you might want to think twice about your approach when you don't like someone, b/c it IS very evident....

[LaurieS]

What is evident is you're (your) making a lot of assumptions...  matter of fact quite a few more then you're accusing me of.  Now you're saying that if I state that a old saying that has been tossed around here for some time is hogwash, I'm attacking your entire family lineage?  I don't see the connection.  I'm pushing your buttons?

Lee.. as you say often, please don't think I'm attempting to be mean. But... I too am allowed to have my own views..I have been as consistent in my proactive approach to child rearing and dealing with my adult children as you have been to taking the defeatist role and encouraging others to do the same.  If our views conflict, oh well they conflict.. but there (their) is more then one way to approach life and often you are bent on advising others that it's only your way.

If you do not like my postings yet others are not highly offended, then there (their)is an option available here to 'ignore' any poster on these boards.  Might I suggest that you utilize that option.  If you in the future feel the need to publicly have a little tiff, then I would suggest for the sake of the boards to use the private (privet) message option that is also available.. because your rant had nothing to do with the topic at hand.

[luise.volta]

OK, you guys. Let's move on and get that this forum is for expression and sharing in a respectful way. We can have different ideas about what is respectful and varying interpretations of posts and posters. However, once our hackles are up...it's time to move to Word,  move through our experience unilaterally and let it go. With that, I am closing this thread because I don't see it going anywhere that is useful to the whole.

Many forums thrive on controversy. Not mine. I think it can escalate all too quickly and distract us from what we came to give and receive...which is stated pretty clearly in my Vision Statement at the right upper corner of the Home Page and our Agreement. Sending love...always...