Author Topic: Privacy Issues  (Read 12603 times)

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mystory.14

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Privacy Issues
« on: December 27, 2010, 06:23:54 AM »
If you read your daughter-in-laws online diary, can you respond? I know she was angry when she wrote it but it is totally upsetting and untrue. She is a all about me girl.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2010, 07:13:31 AM »
I have found that responding is an exercise in futility with "all about me" folk. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pen

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2010, 07:33:01 AM »
Not only is it futile, it's potentially volatile. Pretend you never saw it (easier said than done, I know.)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

kathleen

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2010, 08:04:15 AM »
I can only offer sympathy and support.  Just when I think I have heard everything, there is something worse.  What a terrible thing to do. 

Here's to better days, and you will find a lot of us have been approximately where you are,

Kathleen

Faithlooksup

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2010, 09:18:03 AM »
HI!!   I do agree with all~~sometimes somethings are just better left unsaid.....You will not get anywhere with her and then she will just be able to say to others "see I told you so." (meaning about you.)   Rise above it~~for you are better than that and perhaps she may be looking to start something, for you never know about those "me, me, me, I " people.....
Hang in there and we are always here when you need someone who cares.....
Hugs and Peace...Faith :)

Offline JaneF

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2010, 12:29:01 PM »
I agree, it is best ignored. Sometimes I think our family members are just spoiling for a fight...and if you respond, they got their fight. It will be hard for a fight if there is only one participant! My son and DIL are really angry because I never did respond to the awful comments made on facebook concerning me and other family members. Dear DIL had to make sure to get family feuding in October to beat the holiday deadline! She has demanded that her family get every holiday and has been doing these kinds of things for a dozen years now. I have learned to deal with it and move on. I had other grandchildren and family around for the holidays and we had a lovely time. I would not dwell on the family members who want to make life unhappy...not worth it! You can't "fix" or "change" anyone, so why frustrate yourself? If the other parties feel they have no faults at all, they will not compromise anyway. It's too bad some people cannot be reasonable and just get along with both sides of a family, but that happens a lot from what I gather reading here. We can choose to be hurt or we can choose to be happy...I choose the latter! Blessings to all here, and hope you had a lovely holiday.

kathleen

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2010, 06:05:04 AM »
Jane,

Your post is so eloquent and so well-written.  It proves we can enjoy life fully despite these problems.  I had one of the happiest holidays of my life.  Those who choose to continue to be selfish, greedy and inhospitable were simply not around.  For the first time on a holiday, I nearly forgot they even exist. 

MS: It is often enormously difficult not to respond when one is attacked.  It takes great discipline and self control.  But, if you can look on it like being on a diet, the reward for giving up on immediate gratification is very significant.  I know now to opt for long-term satisfaction rather than short-term indulgence.  In any case, for me at least, losing my cool has only resulted in handing another weapon over to the people looking hard for the knife and the sword.

I will continue on this upward path of choosing to be happy, rather than focusing on what I don't have.  And to continue the high road of not responding to mean-spirited words or deeds.  It's a wonderful feeling of freedom and, in the long run, actually being in control.

Thank you, Jane, for your lovely post---

Happy New Year,

Kathleen

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2010, 06:34:34 AM »
Beautiful!  :D Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

holliberri

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2011, 09:08:47 AM »
In my experience, online rants speak VOLUMES about the feelings and maturity level of the person writing them, not the person they're about.  I have been very embarrassed by my own online behavior on blogs and online diaries, particularly when someone read them. I'm not sure what I was thinking at the time. These weren't about my MIL, but a good friend in one instance and an acquaintance in another.  I wound up hurting both of them.  I remember feeling in both instances that I was totally steamrolled in a disagreement; they weren't letting me talk.  So, I went looking for validation.

This was several years ago. I also see things that are posted about other people on my Facebook feed that can be quite nasty. When I read it, I feel that the person posting that information is handling whatever may be going on in a very inappropriate way, and it is likely that the root cause of their very problem, is THEMSELVES.

Good luck in resisting. Resistance has its rewards, it just takes a lot strength to get them. 


LaurieS

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2011, 10:01:58 AM »
Holliberri... you are absolutely correct, especially when you know it can be viewed by the person you are angry with. 

I have seen on-line diaries mentioned but I'm not familiar with them... is this a site? or a part of facebook?  Would you have to have a password to access the information or is it there for the whole world to read?

I have tons of information that I place in a back vault of my mind labeled Never Mention, sometimes it is better to let things lie.

LoveToPaint

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2011, 10:25:26 AM »
Hi, MyStory

I am writing down the story about my son and his GF.  I don't know if you're referring to her FB page. But, if she knows you read it, and even if she doesn't. I don't know the particulars of your relationship with her - but if it's bad between you, she may have only written it to bait you into an argument. That's what happened with son's GF - and it exploded. In my case it had to, if all is not lost between you two - sleep on if you can. Bless you.

-  Rebecca

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2011, 10:50:01 AM »
I do that kind of venting on Word...no privacy issues there. I sometimes read them later and am amazed at what a near-sighted McGoo I was. You're right...it's always about me...and I only think it's about the other person in the moment. It can also be a very useful emotional-cathartic and promote healing. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cremebrulee

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2011, 10:59:44 AM »
If you read your daughter-in-laws online diary, can you respond? I know she was angry when she wrote it but it is totally upsetting and untrue. She is a all about me girl.

no, you cannot respond, it would ruin your relationship forever, just pretend that you didn't see it and never say a word to anyone about it....while it must have shocked your nerves, and hurt you a great deal, never reveal that you've read it and know....she will grow up and change her mind, given time and a few years...believe me....be patient and understanding....while our children love us unconditionally, our DIL's are human beings who because they fell in love with our sons, were flung into a family situation and they are overwhelmed and filled with all kinds of different emotions due to family traditions etc....so, try to be patient with her....

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2011, 11:02:34 AM »
I agree, Creme, 100%. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

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Re: Privacy Issues
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2011, 11:03:53 AM »
If our children loved us unconditionally we probably wouldn't be here.