Author Topic: Why do you feel they married?  (Read 1558 times)

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SunnyDays09

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Why do you feel they married?
« on: December 19, 2010, 09:39:02 AM »
In my opinion, I feel it was my son's knowledge of the potential for cash her dad had.  Economic reasons, I suppose.  They dated for a few years, at times not exclusively, as if he were leaving his options way open -- even his lookin for others on the nets!!  Her dad's money, and how he shared it with her, was the clincher.  I recall him saying to me, "I am going to get her a ring.  She deserves it"  Not a mention of love at all.  Didn't know he cared for her, really!  It was when her dad starting forking over some money for her to go to school that son took notice. He always had issues with money.  Couldn't keep it.  Changed jobs.  Worried about his financial health alot.  She was the cure.   

For her, he was breathing and could stand next to her at the church, as well as sign any legal document necessary.   She had this "plan" Get a degree in something by________, get married by _______.  She hated friends that beat her to it.  For I heard all about them.  I think she was even jealous of her soon to be husband's half sister getting married before her.  That's when the real mean came out...

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Why do you feel they married?
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2010, 09:48:11 AM »
Well, we all have our reasons for getting married. Sometimes we tell ourselves the truth but often we don't. I got married once because I was bored!  ;D ;D (I've been married 5 times!)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

SunnyDays09

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Re: Why do you feel they married?
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2010, 10:15:23 AM »
Oh, louise!    ;D ;D ;D ;D 

 

Offline Pen

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Re: Why do you feel they married?
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2010, 06:19:31 PM »
DIL was in a big hurry to marry, and DS was blinded by beauty and bling, however I do believe they are in love. He's suddenly realized that he must consider another person before making life decisions and it's been quite a reality check. DH & I were concerned, but all is well.

We can always wonder what would have been "if only..." I'm just glad they're happy.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Sheen

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Re: Why do you feel they married?
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2010, 10:34:36 PM »
I often think that people should look at marriage as a huge credit card purchase. The experts say that before you purchase something large on credit, you should delay buying it for at least a few weeks to see if you really want it or is it an impulse purchase.   I wonder if they delay marriage for a year if many would actually tie the knot. My son got married the first time because a girl needed his military medical benefits and he felt bad.  That didn't last, but when he remarried he did it because her daughters needed a dad.   As Louise says the reasons for marriage seem to be endless.

cremebrulee

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Re: Why do you feel they married?
« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2010, 01:26:25 AM »
usually the reasons for marriage are not the right ones, especially when we're young.  It all depends on what we were raised to believe.  For instance, I was abused, and only wanted to love and be loved...and to be taken care of.  Your son has a good heart, and is very caring...and it sounds like he's a fixer...if this marriage doesn't work, and if he comes to you and discusses the matter with you, you need to talk to him and try to encourage him into understanding himself more and why he chooses the women he does to marry.  Perhaps he doesn't have enough confidence, to choose someone who is not needy.  Perhaps he has to be in control, I don't know, only he does, but there is a reason why he chooses less then he deserves and he needs to find that out...however, there is nothing you can do, other then try and encourage him to go to counseling...if he doesn't, it's out of your hands...he's an adult and needs to learn, that his choices are causeing him heartache and a huge financial problem...he needs to figure it out on his own...

I hope that time will gift him with life's knowledge on who he is and why he chooses to self persecute...
hugs, creme

Offline Pooh

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Re: Why do you feel they married?
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2010, 06:25:20 AM »
I am right there with you Happy.  I think my DS was looking at the "money".  She was already an intern at a huge company, making as much money in 20 hours that I make in a week, with a promise of a full time job with even more money after she graduated College.  Her parents are also financially well-off and made huge promises of giving them all kinds of things to help them get started. 

Sad to say, but I think my DS has the attitude of "money makes the world go round". 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Nana

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Re: Why do you feel they married?
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2010, 12:22:18 PM »
Oh Pooh

Yes, many of our children just go where the money is  Besides I have seen that money makes people respect those who have it.   People see wealthy people in a different way.  All I wanted for my children was that they find a hard-working person, a good human being and that they truly loved my children.  I think it worked...because my only married child did not marry a wealthy girl, in fact he never liked rich stuck up girls not even as friends.   My son and dil both work in good companies....but they struggle a bit....(there is where I am husband come in lol). 

My youngest daughter is living in S.D. where she got her masters degree.  She works and her boy friend does too.  He is not wealthy either, in fact he is still studying.  I only want him to love her and make her happy. 

Money helps Pooh....but it does not guarantee to bring happiness to people.  You son will learn that sooner or later.   He got all flashed with this girl and her money.  Hope she really loves him too.

You are wonderful Pooh.... You will someday get what you deserve.  Meanwhile be happy.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Offline Pooh

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Re: Why do you feel they married?
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2010, 12:29:15 PM »
Thanks Nana.  I think it is hard to say that about him, but true.  I wished the same things you did.  We were never wealthy, but paid our bills and still had enough left to play a little.   But in the beginning of my first marriage, when I was very young and stupid, we struggled.  We had to learn the hard way that bills had to be paid before entertainment.  Once I learned that, I also had a deeper appreciation for things we did have.

I think because her parents bail them out of everything and gave them so much, they don't appreciate it.  I too think someday, he will learn a hard lesson.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell