Author Topic: I think I should have kept me mouth shut  (Read 5310 times)

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Offline tryingmybest

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I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« on: November 30, 2010, 04:43:46 AM »
 :o So much for good intentions. Wedding is over two months ago, almost three. No thank you notes yet for wedding gifts, people are starting to comment. I said something to my son about it.  ???
I know it's been taken right back to my DIL, but you know at one point is it okay to call these "adults" on inappropriate behavior? I am so tired of this! Good morning ladies.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2010, 06:31:54 AM »
I agree with the title you gave this thread. For me, it was hard to get at first that it's their business and their reputations that are at stake. Mostly I don't call the other adults in my life on their behavior. If and when I do, I'm usually not seeing them as "adults." When people start to talk, I'd say, "Well, thank heaven its not my job to look into it. You may want to." Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline tryingmybest

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2010, 06:43:32 AM »
yep, yep. Fortunately I said something like "Boy I know those thank you notes can be an overwhelming job." Then gently corrected his belief they had 6 - months to write them. Hard to get over the "kid reflects on me" mind set. "Sigh"

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2010, 06:54:17 AM »
Yes...and eventually we don't "gently correct"...we step back and let go...unless they ask. (Oh, how I love it when they ask!  :) )
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pen

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2010, 07:36:51 AM »
We moms will probably always be on the hotseat for family issues such as thank you cards or whatever. Rude spoiled kid? Mom indulged too much. Shy, low self-esteem kid? Mom was too critical. Overweight kid? Mom's poor nutrition habits. Underweight kid? Mom stressed out the kid. Lazy? Inconsiderate? Mom didn't lay down the law. It's similar to housekeeping - no one is going to walk into my house and think, "Boy, DH isn't a very good housekeeper. Why doesn't he pick up a vacuum occasionally?" It's all on mom. Am I right?

But, we don't have to buy in! These people are adults now. It's no longer our responsibility no matter what others may think.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline pam1

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2010, 07:48:03 AM »
I thought current etiquette was 3 months for wedding ty notes.  At least that's the trend around here.  It seems premature that people are making comments to you, well I'd consider that to be more of an etiquette faux pas than not receiving a ty note in any case.  It reflects more on them than on you or DS/DIL.  I can't imagine commenting on not receiving a ty note.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2010, 08:01:39 AM »
There you go!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline tryingmybest

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2010, 10:00:06 AM »
of course it was my MIL - LOL!

1Glitterati

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2010, 02:50:23 PM »
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents?  I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.

LaurieS

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2010, 02:58:34 PM »
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents?  I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.
LOL 12 months.. dang Glitter that would be stretching it.. by then some marriages have already ended

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2010, 03:07:31 PM »
"To Whom It  May Concern: Thanks so much for whatever you gave us at our wedding eleven and a half months ago. When we split, we had a gigantic garage sale and appreciate your contribution. Sincerely, BrideNoMore"
« Last Edit: November 30, 2010, 03:32:16 PM by luise.volta »
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #11 on: November 30, 2010, 03:30:44 PM »
That would be it Luise, but at least they followed proper etiquette

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #12 on: November 30, 2010, 03:32:33 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pen

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #13 on: November 30, 2010, 05:13:29 PM »
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents?  I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.

I've read that the guests have 12 months to send a gift. If that's so, I guess that takes care of the "BrideNoMore" present, LOL. If you wait long enough you might not have to buy a gift! At any rate, Miss Manners says that TY notes are to be sent promptly, with 3 months being the absolute limit.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I think I should have kept me mouth shut
« Reply #14 on: November 30, 2010, 05:56:30 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama