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I think I should have kept me mouth shut

Started by tryingmybest, November 30, 2010, 04:43:46 am

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tryingmybest

 :o So much for good intentions. Wedding is over two months ago, almost three. No thank you notes yet for wedding gifts, people are starting to comment. I said something to my son about it.  ???
I know it's been taken right back to my DIL, but you know at one point is it okay to call these "adults" on inappropriate behavior? I am so tired of this! Good morning ladies.

luise.volta

I agree with the title you gave this thread. For me, it was hard to get at first that it's their business and their reputations that are at stake. Mostly I don't call the other adults in my life on their behavior. If and when I do, I'm usually not seeing them as "adults." When people start to talk, I'd say, "Well, thank heaven its not my job to look into it. You may want to." Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

tryingmybest

yep, yep. Fortunately I said something like "Boy I know those thank you notes can be an overwhelming job." Then gently corrected his belief they had 6 - months to write them. Hard to get over the "kid reflects on me" mind set. "Sigh"

luise.volta

Yes...and eventually we don't "gently correct"...we step back and let go...unless they ask. (Oh, how I love it when they ask!  :) )
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

We moms will probably always be on the hotseat for family issues such as thank you cards or whatever. Rude spoiled kid? Mom indulged too much. Shy, low self-esteem kid? Mom was too critical. Overweight kid? Mom's poor nutrition habits. Underweight kid? Mom stressed out the kid. Lazy? Inconsiderate? Mom didn't lay down the law. It's similar to housekeeping - no one is going to walk into my house and think, "Boy, DH isn't a very good housekeeper. Why doesn't he pick up a vacuum occasionally?" It's all on mom. Am I right?

But, we don't have to buy in! These people are adults now. It's no longer our responsibility no matter what others may think.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

pam1

I thought current etiquette was 3 months for wedding ty notes.  At least that's the trend around here.  It seems premature that people are making comments to you, well I'd consider that to be more of an etiquette faux pas than not receiving a ty note in any case.  It reflects more on them than on you or DS/DIL.  I can't imagine commenting on not receiving a ty note.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

tryingmybest


1Glitterati

Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents?  I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.

LaurieS

Quote from: 1Glitterati on November 30, 2010, 02:50:23 pm
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents?  I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.
LOL 12 months.. dang Glitter that would be stretching it.. by then some marriages have already ended

luise.volta

November 30, 2010, 03:07:31 pm #10 Last Edit: November 30, 2010, 03:32:16 pm by luise.volta
"To Whom It  May Concern: Thanks so much for whatever you gave us at our wedding eleven and a half months ago. When we split, we had a gigantic garage sale and appreciate your contribution. Sincerely, BrideNoMore"
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

LaurieS

That would be it Luise, but at least they followed proper etiquette

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Quote from: 1Glitterati on November 30, 2010, 02:50:23 pm
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents?  I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.


I've read that the guests have 12 months to send a gift. If that's so, I guess that takes care of the "BrideNoMore" present, LOL. If you wait long enough you might not have to buy a gift! At any rate, Miss Manners says that TY notes are to be sent promptly, with 3 months being the absolute limit.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama