June 26, 2019, 10:12:58 pm


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Are things looking up?

Started by Scoop, November 29, 2010, 07:18:06 am

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Okay, this may sound small, but it was actually a big step for me.  Last night, my IL's called (at a decent time!  DD was still awake!) and .... I answered the phone.  DH came up and DD was decorating her little Christmas tree in her room so I put them on speaker and we had a nice little chit-chat.

I had a big revelation yesterday, and again, it sounds stupid when you write it down, but it was a fundamental shift in my perceptions.  So I finally figured out that when MIL is doing things that drive me crazy, it's not out of maliciousness.  She's such a strange duck and so very different from me that I just could never wrap my head around why she would do/say such things, except for maliciousness.

I mean, she still drives me crazy, but now I don't take it as a personal attack against ME.

So a big Thank You to all of the MIL's on this board, who have all helped me to see the other side of the equation!


Beautiful!, Scoop! It isn't small or insignificant when we have a shift like that...it's huge...everything changes. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Scoop, that must be such a weight off your shoulders. I'm sure your DH & DD will feel relief as well. Having the DIL perspective here has done the same for me; I'm trying to see the things my DIL does in a different light instead of getting my feelings hurt, and my DH & DS appreciate the less tense atmosphere. I also see how my actions and words can be misinterpreted. Thank you, dear Scoop, for sharing this and for being here for all of us. Things are indeed looking up!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Dear Scoop

I am very happy your perceptions changed towards your mil.  When I was having problems with dil I also thought she was hurting me out of malice.  I felt she was mean....and she was lol....but in with the intention.  She was just trying to keep boundaries with me just in case I would try to mingle and interfere in her life.   

She is not a bad person (now I know) she is just the way she is.  Once I accepted that and she accepted me with my defects and flaws.....with get along very well.  We respect each other and think that  I love her and she does love me too.    I just keep myself in place thus respecting her privacy and her rules. 

You see, sometimes it is not personal......but when we are hurt....it feels all personal to us.

Congratulations on your new mind set......you will feel free......and with peace of mind.   

Old people (like me at 59) are little more obssessive and closed minded....bear with us.   LOL

Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:



How wonderful! Thanks for sharing. Just so you know you have been a big help to me with your advices and i love your sense of humor.

Wishing you the best.


Hi Scoop,  Congrats and good for you on shifting your thoughts and theories.. We simply are ALL different people/ with different personalities, some crazier than others...We live and learn, just stay positive in your thoughts.....HUGS, Faith