July 15, 2019, 04:02:45 pm

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


We give here to one another what we want from our children

Started by Renet, November 10, 2010, 11:38:02 am

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Renet

I just realized something....We are tender, loving, and accepting on here....which is exactly what we want from our children....  We also make sure to let others know that we care about and hurt with them.....  Something we do not get from our children.....

This place fills that very empty void that our children have made......


luise.volta

And the reverse is true. There are women here who yearn for a loving MIL and find the kindness and acceptance here that they miss in their lives.   
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Nana

November 10, 2010, 02:39:54 pm #2 Last Edit: November 10, 2010, 02:48:25 pm by luise.volta
Reverse too Luise...you said it.  Why can't there be a matching game.  Good mils with good dils...evil with evil.....everyone would get what each deserves...lol....  Some of us would have given anything to have a good dil....and some dils would have done anything to have a nice mil.  But life happens....and the murphy law comes in...in the game. lol

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

JaneF

I wish I had a good relationship with DIL, but she is very hard to get close to because she  only wants her family involved in their lives. My oldest son had a child out of wedlock 9 years ago, and though he was never  a "couple" with my GS's mother after his birth we  remained friends and I am asked to school programs, bday parties, take him on vacation etc. This girl has a second child  age 4, and since this childs fathers parents are deceased and she has no other grandma close, I asked if I could be her gma too! The child does not know I am NOT bio grandma because I do very same for her with bday parties, Christmas, Easter and Valentines Day. It is SWEET to hear her call me gma, and I adore her. I refer to her mom as  DIL even,  she and my son get along GREAT and share parenting of  GS...so I know it IS possible for folks to get along and SHARE loved ones if they  want to. I just had both kids all night and day few weeks ago so their mom could get out, we had  pizza and slumber party,  took a walk to the library and to get ice cream. Too bad real DIL keeps family apart and causes hardships.
I have been asked to one bday party for their oldest who will be 12 this winter! No school programs ever, her family gets all holidays. Sad.

cremebrulee

November 11, 2010, 05:09:29 am #5 Last Edit: November 11, 2010, 05:22:09 am by cremebrulee
Quote from: Nana on November 10, 2010, 02:39:54 pm
Reverse too Luise...you said it.  Why can't there be a matching game.  Good mils with good dils...evil with evil.....everyone would get what each deserves...lol....  Some of us would have given anything to have a good dil....and some dils would have done anything to have a nice mil.  But life happens....and the murphy law comes in...in the game. lol

Love


Except for death, I really feel Nana, that in every situation we encounter in life, both good and bad, there is something in that for us to learn personally which helps us along our way in life...if we refuse the lesson, we refuse change and will not be able to advance to that next level....
Even when we encounter evil people, there is something in that situation for us to learn from....and take with us to be more successful in our lives....more at peace within ourselves...

yes, Renet, we are tender loving people, however, in each of us, there is also bad....and the bad is what we have to fine tune, if we are able to accept who we are without being affraid to admit, that we're wrong sometimes....life isn't perfect and more then not, it isn't always fair....

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.
Kahlil Gibran


and always have I loved this one....

By Kahlil Gibran

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable

free_at_last

Agreed...I don't think any of us would be here if we weren't missing that love and acceptance from family members that we wanted/needed it from.

JaneF I LOVE your story about your "adopted" GD.  My daughter also has a couple that treats her like their own GD, and treat my husband and I like their kids, even though we are not related to them in any way.  I am so very thankful to have them in our lives. 

luise.volta

Yes, that story is such a win/win. Thank you!!! Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

justdontunderstand

Renet,
I think we may also be here because we are desperately seeking solutions and hope. I know that I read through the posts looking for "my story" and for some hint of new ways of seeing things that might lead me to hope for a solution. You are right on that the acceptance and understanding we find here keeps us coming back.

If only for one moment my DS and DIL might know the pain that this estrangement causes and feel it too, then they might seek solutions instead of going about their daily lives in blissful ignorance.

Sometimes I come here because it saves me from picking up the telephone and shouting at my DS---"Why doesn't this hurt you the way it hurts your Dad, Sis and me!"

luise.volta

That's a puzzlement, isn't it? I think sometimes there are people who can turn their feelings on and off. (Or maybe they're just better actors.) The loyal son becomes the loyal husband and poof! Not always, I know, but we don't hear the success stories very often here unless a person has one of each, like I do. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama