Author Topic: puzzeled  (Read 2888 times)

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erma

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puzzeled
« on: November 09, 2010, 11:06:22 AM »
need some help figuring this one out. or even if i should.....  i just received an email from my DIL, she emailed me a "thanks for the birthday present"!!!   
OMG! she has NEVER said thank you, or even acknowledged gifts from us! this was over a week ago, and just now she emails??  this just kinda blindsided me after the incidents we are still reeling from.
is she feeling guilty for shopping and not coming to our family's side?  is she feeling me out to see where were at with it? this is what i think, but maybe not.
puzzling................ :o

barelythere

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #1 on: November 09, 2010, 11:13:49 AM »
need some help figuring this one out. or even if i should.....  i just received an email from my DIL, she emailed me a "thanks for the birthday present"!!!   
OMG! she has NEVER said thank you, or even acknowledged gifts from us! this was over a week ago, and just now she emails??  this just kinda blindsided me after the incidents we are still reeling from.
is she feeling guilty for shopping and not coming to our family's side?  is she feeling me out to see where were at with it? this is what i think, but maybe not.
puzzling................ :o

Yes, of course she's feeling you out to see how hurt they got you.   Of course you're hurt.  No normal human being would not be hurt by the stunt she/he pulled.  Her showing up (his too) was not for the dying person or anyone else.  It was to be there for you. YOU.

I say, let her sweat.  Honestly, if you give in and email her right now, she/he will continue in their ways, which is they have no manners, do what they want to do, when they want to do it.  If you say anything, say, "glad you like it" 

Offline luise.volta

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2010, 11:24:18 AM »
Trying to figure out what people are thing and why they do what they do is  IMHO an exercise in futility.  :o
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

erma

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #3 on: November 09, 2010, 11:38:43 AM »
thanks bt and luise. well put.
so........... i emailed back and simple said, "glad you liked it"  :-X  but i have to say, i really wanted ds to show up for GM, not for me. she lights up when she sees him.  his loss, not mine. since hes been married, things have changed. the family knows who he used to be and who he is now. 2 different people. no reflection on us at all. the family knows.
but i refuse to believe that his heart has become stone.
my hurt is for my son. he has to deal with his consequences, not me.

barelythere

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2010, 11:42:48 AM »
thanks bt and luise. well put.
so........... i emailed back and simple said, "glad you liked it"  :-X  but i have to say, i really wanted ds to show up for GM, not for me. she lights up when she sees him.  his loss, not mine. since hes been married, things have changed. the family knows who he used to be and who he is now. 2 different people. no reflection on us at all. the family knows.
but i refuse to believe that his heart has become stone.
my hurt is for my son. he has to deal with his consequences, not me.

Great, now hang on!!   :-X

Offline luise.volta

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2010, 11:45:55 AM »
Good for you for seeing that. Now, when you doubt it (and you might) let us know and we will reinforce it
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

erma

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2010, 12:08:34 PM »
hanging on, and please, yes please, reinforce!!!   thank you.  :-X

Offline luise.volta

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2010, 12:49:19 PM »
Sending tons of good stuff your way!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Renet

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2010, 06:29:25 PM »
Erma......my hubby is always telling me..."do not have expectations that anything you do will make a difference."   I would agree.   And when something so unexpected happens appreciate it for the moment, but do not think things have changed....  That is where you will get hurt time and time again.....  Trust me I know.....  Keep your guard up.   Which is not an unkind thing...It is simple self preservation.     
Ever time my Daughter sends something from my granddaughter I think  "Oh my gosh, she is trying."   But I also sit back and think that I am too willing to jump at every little crumb thrown my way.   

Erma, realize this is a crumb....albeit crumbs to us often represent a loaf of  the finest Artisan Bread available!!!!!!   

Hugs dear Emma, hugs........ :)

Offline Pen

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2010, 06:32:59 PM »
Hang tight, Erma. We're here for ya!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

jomama

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2010, 10:30:00 PM »
Erma- if this were my dd, I'd tell you to brace yourself. She's about to do something really nasty to you. She'll do whatever is necessary to provoke the reaction she needs from you.
You've been her victim for a long time, she'll try and put you in your place! Watch what happens when you don't go.
 Hang in there! We're here for ya!

dablacks

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #11 on: November 10, 2010, 04:52:09 AM »
Erma- if this were my dd, I'd tell you to brace yourself. She's about to do something really nasty to you. She'll do whatever is necessary to provoke the reaction she needs from you.
You've been her victim for a long time, she'll try and put you in your place! Watch what happens when you don't go.
 Hang in there! We're here for ya!


This is so familiar, Stick to your guns and don't play this game. Great Advice Jomama!

free_at_last

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #12 on: November 10, 2010, 05:22:36 AM »
I think your response was totally appropriate.  No need to embellish, and no need to bring up the weekend (which was completely unrelated to the gift and the thank you...there is no reason to connect the two), and ignoring it completely would have made you look like the jerk in this scenario.  You got a "thank you", which you stated last week that you wanted, there is no need to look for an ulterior motive.  Why not just take it at face value?

MrsKitty

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #13 on: November 11, 2010, 03:51:24 PM »
Hi Erma.
I have been lurking here for a few days w/out posting. I haven't read your whole story, so I may be missing something. However, I found it odd that you had posted previously that you were unhappy that the dil didn't say thank you for her present. Now, she has said thank you and you are upset again. It seems like you are upset if she thanks you, and upset if she doesn't thank you. Sorry if I am missing something, but this just seems odd to me that you would get upset either way.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: puzzeled
« Reply #14 on: November 11, 2010, 03:57:17 PM »
I think she will probably explain but to me it looks like  the "walking on eggshells" syndrome. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama