I am not alone, I see that by reading post on here........I am not even sure what to say other than this a pain I face every day. I kept thinking as she matured, married, and had children she could somehow find a love for me....she can not.
My mother did not love me. I was illegitimate...I tried to please her into liking me until the day she died (when I was 30). I was so determined to be a better mother than she was.... I was. My four children were my world. Sadly when they were 12, 10, 8, and 10 months old I lost their dad to brain damage as the result of an accident at work.....He became violent and abusive. To protect my children I divorced him and then struggled on my own for 4 years until I met a wonderful man who loved me and my children. My oldest daughter was 14....That's when she changed..... Her siblings love their step dad and he has raised them as his own. He is a good man. Her dad slowly got better and eventually married. He never gave his children the time of day.... I think she longed for that. And although she will admit leaving him was the best thing...I think she still hates me because I did. I did not ask for spousal support, even though I had never worked, I did not ask for half of his pension, and I even choose far less for child support than what the state gives....All I wanted was the house which was not even worth that much 20 years ago....I saw to it that he would be ok, above even myself.....and the kids..I felt in doing so we would be blessed and would be ok. When she turned 25 I took her to lunch. She verbally vomited on me. Told me everything I had ever done wrong and that she never wanted her children around me. I was blindsided. I had no idea she hated me or why...I sat there with tears spilling into my lunch and felt my heart break.....She had met a wonderful young man by then and they were soon married..... We shopped for a wedding dress, and she was cold towards men. As we shopped for her flowers and other things she remained that way.....The night of her wedding her husband family put her up in a hotel close to where they were getting married....but an hour away from our home....She spent that last night with them.....I love her in-laws, they are good, good people. My daughter's husband and all his siblings are adopted and his mother is an amazing mother. I have never been jealous of his parents, but they spend every holiday and celebration with them. We live in Oregon, my daughter in S. Cal. and her inlaws in Missouri. They are wealthy and can afford to fly the kids out there and they do. Although my son in law makes a great deal of money, we too have offered to fly them here. They do not come. When my grandaughter was born my daughter called me afterwords. When their son was born last year....She asked her mother-in-law to be there "because all of her children were adopted she had never experienced the birth of baby." I was devastated but never let on to my daughter and just told her how proud I was that she was so thoughtful of her mother-in-law. My daughter did not even tell me when she went in. I got a text on my phone telling me "he is here." I have tried over and over again to be loving, kind and thoughtful to my daughter. It makes no difference. She is incredibly critical of everything I do..... Two weeks ago I learned they were going once again to her in laws for the blessing of a new baby of my son in laws sister. Of course his mother got to be there for that....And yet my daughter and her husband could not even come to my son's first child's blessing and they live 4 hours apart.....(When this son was married, my daughter came but her husband "could not get away from work") Even at that, I have never said a thing or expressed that her actions are hurtful......So fast forward.....I found out they were going to her inlaws....So I wrote her and invited her for Thanksgiving because her little sister would be home from college....She told me that would not work for them. The day before they left was their oldest 4th birthday....I called several times but trued to nature, my daughter never answered. I left a message for my grandaughter telling her I hoped she lik her present.....I heard nothing. I kept trying to call and finally got a return call from my daughter. I knew she was at her inlaws.....I asked to speak to my grandaughter....And she attacked me.....telling me she was not there and why did I not call her on her birthday....I was in shock (I don't ever get use to her anger towards me that comes from no where) As I tried to explain that I had called and that we had gone to the show later in the day...She angerliy asked me "did I not take my cell phone with me..." I have had it. I can do it anymore. I told her. "I am not doing this with you anymore, good bye." And hung up. I do not want to spend the rest of my life trying to get her to love me just like it was with my mother. I have a great relationship with my 3 other adult children. When my son's baby was born he asked me to come and be with him and his wife, even though her mother would be there too. He knew how much his sister had hurt me. It was wonderful, but does not make the pain go away from what his sister had done...... I do not ever want to talk to her again. I love her little ones but she does not have them call me nor does she answer her phone when I call to talk to them......They have wonderful grandparents....and I am ok with that. My daughter has also picked up a relationship with her dad and dotes on him and his new wife (who she could not stand).....
I do not plan on calling her for Thanksgiving nor do I plan on calling her for Christmas. I am not sending them anything. And I am ok with that......It makes me sad for her, and for her little ones...I am a good person, a good mother and a really good grandma....I am sad that she will not have me in her life.......................It breaks my heart........but I do not know what else to do.......I realize now, she is never going to change.................and I have no idea what I did to her..........................
Topic: When do you give up on a daughter that hates you? (Read 27559 times)
