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Boderline Personality DisorderH

Started by homely60, October 22, 2010, 07:25:45 am

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homely60

Hi i am a newbie and have been a member of another support group for people with relatives suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD as i will refer to it in future. My son is cohabiting with a woman suffering from this disorder and his life is hell. Also people with this disorder often paint there mother in laws black for no reason other than their jealousy of the son and mother relationship and to keep the grandchildren away from you. In the beginning it nearly destroyed me but i am learning to live with it. I have decided to stay away and not get involved with them at all, except on their terms and this seems to be working. It is however very sad as it is my only grandchild. Although i am lucky that my sons brings her to see me at least once a week. He has changed beyond recognition. I had to do a lot of studying of this mental illness to discover how to support my son without seeming interfering or giving his partner reason to complain about me. He has made it clear by his actions that he has appreciated this. Has anyone else had a similar experience. Regards homely60 :-X :(

Pooh

Welcome homely and congratulations on how you are handling a bad situation.  Shows true strength and character.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

Welcome, H. This is a great site for support and understanding. It must so difficult to balance your love for your DS with his partner's need for no interference. Best wishes.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

homely60

Hi thank you for the quick replies and validation it means a lot to me. Regards homely60

luise.volta

I'm sure sorry you have to deal with this. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

JaneF

Hello, and I am a newbie too. Sounds like your DIL and mine are alike. Sorry you have to deal with that, it is hard isn't it? Does your DIL do what mine does and deliberately tell lies or start trouble to keep your son and the grandkids separated from you? In my case though, my son HAS to do as she says or agree with her or she makes his life AWFUL. I do not really understand this type of personality, and I also refuse to fight and argue about it...life is too short for all that. Sometimes in cases like this it ruins family relationships totally (it has for us). Hope it gets better for you.

Pen

So sorry to hear this, but glad you're all with us.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Marilyn

My Son knows his wife has a mental disorder.I truly believe she is BPD..............it's just awful having to deal with this.

Hope you come back for more support here at WWU homely.Lots of wise loving caring women here.

luise.volta

As most of you know, I'm a great proponent of self-care. You can't change others and the details of their lives are more than most of us can bear but we can save ourselves.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Marilyn

That is sooooooooooo true Luise.I have spent to many years trying to have a relationship with my son and DIL.My son has acknowledged the elephant in the room,and chooses to live with it.He really doesn't know how to deal with it,but wishes she would just accept me.I know that will never happen. My focus is on what makes me happy.My goal is to be happy,healthy,positive and to develop and maintain an inner peace.I choose not to try any more.It's just too crazy and stressful.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Hope


Marilyn


JaneF

Mominwaiting, it is wise to remove yourself from it. I have FINALLY learned I must do that too. We need to focus on OUR health and happiness and let go of that madness and drama our family members wallow in! I wish you peace. It's been only one day since I removed myself from the chaos, and it has been a peaceful day...and I slept GREAT! I work night shift as a dispatcher for electric company, and I NEED to be rested and prepared at work in case of outages, house fires, or wrecks involving poles or power lines. It is nice to talk with others that understand our family and their issues isn't it? I have been given kind words, and support here. BPD is a terrible illness, my daughters is very severe. I have read that some with BPD sometimes have personality disorders as well. Like borderline personality. I believe my DIL is like that as well. Glad you are here, hope things improve for you.

Mamaw313

Homely60...Your life sounds like mine except DIL and DS have taken our GD away. She is now 8 months old and we haven't seen her for 3 months. There was no reason. DIL even had the audacity to tell us that " you should never ask to babysit b/c I feel that neither you or FIL are  prepared". She actually put that in a letter and mailed it to us. At one point she hates HER mom and family, then after the baby was born, we got to be a part of GD life for 5 months, then DIL decided she  hates us and DS is not allowed to see us. DS is miserable, has no control over anything and she makes his life a living hell. He does what she says, just to keep the peace in his life. Its a mess. We have finally stopped trying to figure things out and have decided to just let it all go.  It sounds harsh, but we need to keep ourselves healthy and happy too. One day GD will grow up, and if she chooses, she will know us.