Author Topic: Holidays  (Read 3596 times)

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Rose

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Holidays
« on: October 15, 2010, 03:27:32 PM »
As I mentioned before I am really here to learn or understand, to get anothers perspective.
 
At this point with my MIL we hear from her about six times a year more or less,.  We will get a card for my kids birthdays and DH's birthday too.  My children were all born during the fall or winter as is my DH.  Most of the year we hear nothing.  But come the holidays we are sent invitations of this day/this time/this place.  Why when we don't hear anything for at least six months of the year why is it so important for us to be there for the holidays?  Why not try to make amends during the rest of the year?
 
  Why when it is such a tense situation are we expected to be a part of her holidays.  When we don't go she calls screaming and swearing.
 
 When we tried to reach out to her when it wasn't around the holidays she didn't want to discuss anything and sent us a letter saying she is leaving us alone.  Only to be sent a card months later that she was having Christmas and to get ourselves to her party, yes that is what it said.
 
 I'm sorry but if it's tense why wait when you know their is a problem and then expect to get together for the holiday?   I don't go for acting as if nothing is wrong.  When we went to the holidays and tried to be a family my MIL went right back to showing up at the door and saying that we needed to be over every weekend, like nothing was wrong.  We went to try to save the connection not to say nothing was wrong. 
 
Yes, I am open to any advise from MIL's and DIL's.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2010, 05:40:26 PM by luise.volta »

1Glitterati

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2010, 03:38:12 PM »
As I mentioned before I am really here to learn or understand, to get anothers perspective.
 
At this point with my MIL we hear from her about six times a year more or less,.    If you don't like her...I think you should thank your lucky stars for that--no sarcasm intended.  Take that gift and roll with it.  We will get a card for my kids birthdays and DH's birthday too.  My children were all born during the fall or winter as is my DH.  Most of the year we hear nothing.  But come the holidays we are sent invitations of this day/this time/this place.  Why when we don't hear anything for at least six months of the year why is it so important for us to be there for the holidays?  Why not try to make amends during the rest of the year?  I would hazard a guess and say that she's the type that thinks if you ignore something/pretend it didn't happen that it didn't in fact happen and everything is fine and never, ever needs to be spoken about. 
 
  Why when it is such a tense situation are we expected to be a part of her holidays.  When we don't go she calls screaming and swearing.   Let the phone go to voicemail.  You don't have to answer and you surely don't have to call back for abuse.
 
 When we tried to reach out to her when it wasn't around the holidays she didn't want to discuss anything and sent us a letter saying she is leaving us alone.  Only to be sent a card months later that she was having Christmas and to get our "@sses" to her party, yes that is what it said.   You can either tell her you don't want to spend time with her because you just don't want to spend time with someone as hateful as her...or you can just ignore her all together.  As they say...blackhole it.  Things may go in...but nothing comes out.  Cards and calls come in...but they never get responded to...not a word. 
 
 I'm sorry but if it's tense why wait when you know their is a problem and then expect to get together for the holiday?   I don't go for acting as if nothing is wrong.  When we went to the holidays and tried to be a family my MIL went right back to showing up at the door and saying that we needed to be over every weekend, like nothing was wrong.  We went to try to save the connection not to say nothing was wrong. 
 
Yes, I am open to any advise from MIL's and DIL's.  You can't fix what the other person doesn't want to work on.  Why slam your head against that wall over and over again.  Just stop.  Stop.  Don't call, don't send cards, don't respond.  YOu could do that.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2010, 05:42:21 PM »
I agree with G. Big opportunity here for self-love. Create distance, set boundaries and give up trying to say and do the right thing. There isn't any "right thing." Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Annie123

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2010, 06:43:17 PM »
Hello,
  You LOST me at the phone calls with her yelling and swearing! NOPE!! YOU WILL talk to me the good and kind person I am.. Or you WON'T be talking to me at all....
  I know that don't help you much. But if the person isn't even willing to speak to you as well as she would her next door neighbor I wouldn't speak to her at all until she could! Good Luck!
???

Offline pam1

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2010, 08:57:42 AM »
Rose, we have similar issues surrounding holidays.  So stressful! If I had to guess as to the million dollar question of why?  It's keeping up appearances and not being lonely during the holidays.  It's the same thing here, we get harassed/badgered/guilt tripped with every holiday (and not once asked our input) and then we are expected to show up and be super excited to celebrate with her.  Just blows your mind.

 I agree with the previous posters, drop the rope. 

Holidays aren't supposed to be like this.  I just want a year off, a total complete break from these stressful holidays. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Rose

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2010, 08:59:07 AM »
  MIL wants so bad to have the whole family together for the holidays but the rest of the time because she can't drop by and run our lives she now doesn't bother with the rest of the year. Why are the holidays important when the rest of the year isn't?
 
Before I am shamed from saying that my MIL tried to run our lives; here is one example: when my MIL dropped in she would see what I was making for dinner and then she would say "chicken why are you making chicken again? My son hates chicken; he must really love you because he would never eat chicken at home. I wonder how long he will put up with that. Why don't you consider his likes for once?" So she says that it's because chicken is more expensive and I waste DH's money. I work too. So I confront DH that he should have told me that he didn't really like chicken, he says he does, always has and he doesn't know why she would say that. Next visit same thing happens, same story I'm selfish and wasting money making chicken I tell her what DH said and she says "DH lies to me he doesn't want to hurt my feelings...what else is he lying about." and she laughs. GGrrr! Yes, after all these years he eats chicken at least five days a week and if I make beef taco's or beef chili he says it's better with chicken.  I still don't understand this.
 
I usually don't answer the phone and neither will my DH around the holidays. He says that if she can't deal with her behavior during the rest of the year he can't deal with hers for the holidays. I understand that I don't need to answer the phone, I have an answering machine and a caller ID and I haven't spoken to her in years. I have considered changing the phone number but DH says that she will just show up at the doors more. We don't return her calls and she says that by her getting angry we should see how important we are to her. Yes, she talks to our answering machine until it stops recording but not to let us know that she is coming over just why didn't we get our @sses to her party, then she will call later and say she needs to make an "appointment" to give us our gifts.

I'd just like to get through one holiday season in almost thirty years without the drama. Before the estrangement it was please spend every weekend with me, why can't I just drop in all the time...sob...swear...sob...every holiday. I'd really like to just ignore the holiday calls but they eventually end with her showing up at the door to tell us how upset she is and we never know what day that will be. So we never know when she is going to start her running around the house and beating on the doors. Will she show up again when we have company and interview our guests as to who they are and how we met and what we have in common? But, she had gifts so she said that made it alright.
 
So why are the holidays so important? These are the guesses we have made over the years. Is it forgive and forget time of year? Is it because what will the rest of the family think? MIL used to ask for extremely expensive gifts for the holidays, is it for the gifts? We stopped buying for her years ago as nothing was good enough.  We couldn't and can't afford her requests for gifts over a hundred dollars when I spend twenty-five on my parents. She always made a big deal out of she cooked and the in-laws cleaned up, is she looking for a pot scrubber? We all brought deserts and side dishes, does she miss those? I don't remember one holiday where there wasn't at least one family member crying because of something she said or did, is she upset because she never got me to cry? She complained about my kids every time she saw them, they are not as cute as the others not as tall as another, not as athletic as another, not as smart as another, certainly it's not because she misses them...maybe she misses insulting them? Maybe she misses the expression on my kid’s faces when they opened gifts from her and they were broken toys or clothes that were to big or small by at least five sizes, they once received a book that was in at least four pieces. My daughter once received pants that were a sixteen and shorts that were a two toddler in the same box, (she was seven and MIL asked for sizes before she shopped) I understand it's the thought that counts and my kids thanked her and smiled but they always had puzzled looks on their faces like where was the thought going into this? Yes, the gifts were broken and missing pieces so it wasn't that they broke after she wrapped them. She said they have other toys so she didn't think it mattered or they wouldn't even notice. They watched as their cousins opened nice gifts that fit and weren't broken. I still wonder if she did this because no matter how broken or totally ugly something was my kid’s always smiled and said thank you without being prompted. Was it a challenge for her to see if they would snap at her or not thank her?
 
What I'm looking for is to understand her. Is there a normal reason why the holidays are so important? She sees nothing wrong with any of her behavior. She can justify it all.
 
Sorry this is so long. I will try to get the long posts under control. I'm trying to ask my question and give some of my past history at the same time. I'm venting and I need to get that under control.

Rose

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2010, 09:16:05 AM »
Thank you Pam.  That was one of our guess.  I just don't understand why it's so important when we are out of site out of mind during the rest of the year.

Yes, being consulted as to the day and time years ago would have helped.  Between company parties and the kids concerts and parties for school and church it would have been nice but we didn't get invitations we got orders to appear much like a summons.  We still do.

DH has started to complicate things even more.  He won't open them and usually throws them out so I get a answering message for failing to appear when I never got the invite or anything.  He just said out of site out of mind.  According to MIL it's always my fault though because I'm so controlling.  He won't stand up to her to her face so it must be me.  He says it does no good to talk to her face to face or on the phone as she insists she never has done the things he's seen and heard her do.  He's always refused to read the letters and cards because he claims they are drama filled toxic waste.  I turned off the answering machine one year and she showed up immediately freaking out, so that is not an option.  We have considered going on vacation but it is not an option this year and of course we have cell phones, she would still call.  Yes, I just need a break to enjoy the holiday. 

cremebrulee

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2010, 09:25:58 AM »
Rose, my girlfriend always says that...why isn't the rest of the year as important as Christmas, Thanksgiving and Mother's Day....she's the one who gets along famously with her DIL's...but she's right...

Rose, I'm supposeing, that Holidays are the one time that were made special to some folks...gosh, some folks go all out over the holidays, with decorations, gifts...and take a lot of time themeing they're homes, plus, maybe they grew up with they're parents making it a huge display or dinner?  I don't know really...

I'm really sorry to read your post, and it was good to ask husband how he felt about meals...ignore the woman if you can...sure, I know it hurts, you wonder why something good can't come out of a person's mouth instead of nasty things...plus it makes you so uncomfortable and insecure, cuz you want to be accepted...she sounds like a real unhappy person...putting others down to make herself feel good? 

Don't worry about long posts...vent away, it's good to do that...writing these things down helps us to talk to someone else about it...even if no one posts a return comment, it's just food for the soul, yanno?

Creme

barelythere

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2010, 10:07:13 AM »
  MIL wants so bad to have the whole family together for the holidays but the rest of the time because she can't drop by and run our lives she now doesn't bother with the rest of the year. Why are the holidays important when the rest of the year isn't?
 
Before I am shamed from saying that my MIL tried to run our lives; here is one example: when my MIL dropped in she would see what I was making for dinner and then she would say "chicken why are you making chicken again? My son hates chicken; he must really love you because he would never eat chicken at home. I wonder how long he will put up with that. Why don't you consider his likes for once?" So she says that it's because chicken is more expensive and I waste DH's money. I work too. So I confront DH that he should have told me that he didn't really like chicken, he says he does, always has and he doesn't know why she would say that. Next visit same thing happens, same story I'm selfish and wasting money making chicken I tell her what DH said and she says "DH lies to me he doesn't want to hurt my feelings...what else is he lying about." and she laughs. GGrrr! Yes, after all these years he eats chicken at least five days a week and if I make beef taco's or beef chili he says it's better with chicken.  I still don't understand this.
 
I usually don't answer the phone and neither will my DH around the holidays. He says that if she can't deal with her behavior during the rest of the year he can't deal with hers for the holidays. I understand that I don't need to answer the phone, I have an answering machine and a caller ID and I haven't spoken to her in years. I have considered changing the phone number but DH says that she will just show up at the doors more. We don't return her calls and she says that by her getting angry we should see how important we are to her. Yes, she talks to our answering machine until it stops recording but not to let us know that she is coming over just why didn't we get our @sses to her party, then she will call later and say she needs to make an "appointment" to give us our gifts.

I'd just like to get through one holiday season in almost thirty years without the drama. Before the estrangement it was please spend every weekend with me, why can't I just drop in all the time...sob...swear...sob...every holiday. I'd really like to just ignore the holiday calls but they eventually end with her showing up at the door to tell us how upset she is and we never know what day that will be. So we never know when she is going to start her running around the house and beating on the doors. Will she show up again when we have company and interview our guests as to who they are and how we met and what we have in common? But, she had gifts so she said that made it alright.
 
So why are the holidays so important? These are the guesses we have made over the years. Is it forgive and forget time of year? Is it because what will the rest of the family think? MIL used to ask for extremely expensive gifts for the holidays, is it for the gifts? We stopped buying for her years ago as nothing was good enough.  We couldn't and can't afford her requests for gifts over a hundred dollars when I spend twenty-five on my parents. She always made a big deal out of she cooked and the in-laws cleaned up, is she looking for a pot scrubber? We all brought deserts and side dishes, does she miss those? I don't remember one holiday where there wasn't at least one family member crying because of something she said or did, is she upset because she never got me to cry? She complained about my kids every time she saw them, they are not as cute as the others not as tall as another, not as athletic as another, not as smart as another, certainly it's not because she misses them...maybe she misses insulting them? Maybe she misses the expression on my kid’s faces when they opened gifts from her and they were broken toys or clothes that were to big or small by at least five sizes, they once received a book that was in at least four pieces. My daughter once received pants that were a sixteen and shorts that were a two toddler in the same box, (she was seven and MIL asked for sizes before she shopped) I understand it's the thought that counts and my kids thanked her and smiled but they always had puzzled looks on their faces like where was the thought going into this? Yes, the gifts were broken and missing pieces so it wasn't that they broke after she wrapped them. She said they have other toys so she didn't think it mattered or they wouldn't even notice. They watched as their cousins opened nice gifts that fit and weren't broken. I still wonder if she did this because no matter how broken or totally ugly something was my kid’s always smiled and said thank you without being prompted. Was it a challenge for her to see if they would snap at her or not thank her?
 
What I'm looking for is to understand her. Is there a normal reason why the holidays are so important? She sees nothing wrong with any of her behavior. She can justify it all.
 
Sorry this is so long. I will try to get the long posts under control. I'm trying to ask my question and give some of my past history at the same time. I'm venting and I need to get that under control.

Dear Rose,
I am so shocked at what your Mother in Law says to you that I can't even get into the Holidays. 

Annie123

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2010, 10:52:24 AM »
Rose,
  Reading your second post gave me chills! It was like you were talking about my MIL. Seriously!
Out of 10 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren now, She has only ever had room in her heart for 1. It is awful! She used to make me so MAD it ruined every holiday for me. I mean when my children were small it was heart breaking. How do you explain to small children why they get a card with 10 dollars in it and the other child gets 4-wheelers, Go Carts, Play stations, games, New Clothes??? How?
I remember when my oldest Son was about 4 years old I would try to make up excuses for her. Like " Oh she don't mean nothing by it and she probably found it on sale? She loves you very much!" ect. UNTIL, One Christmas my Parents were visiting us for the holidays. And I was trying to do that about one thing or other that had happened. And my Father waited until the children were back playing and said to me.. I would like to talk to you a minute. Of course I said, "OK" That is when he set me straight. He told me NOT TO EVER lie to my children. Tell them you DO NOT agree with how she is treating them! That is wrong and you have NO IDEA why she would be so mean. Then tell them how much they are loved by many others and they need not worry about her. Because they don't need her presents. He also said, " I'm not telling you to bad mouth their Grandmother." "Just don't talk her UP either." Because its a lie!
   So I took his advice and it seemed to help my children heal some. If I could of had my choice my children would of never known what she did because we wouldn't of been around. But DH wasn't raised that way. So I'm one of those " Doormats" to some extent. And have put up with her crazy stuff for years.
  NOW, my children are all grown and have made FINE adults if I can say so myself? And here's the kicker, The ONE grandchild who GOT EVERYTHING.. He has moved off several states away. And see's them maybe once every 5 or so years. And the ones who were treated badly or ignored is a better way of saying how she treated them. They are the ones who check on her and are  still putting up with her NUT self.
So I'm proud that I raised GOOD people who will look past someone like her and not let them affect how they care about others.
  I will Never!!! understand HOW someone could ever make a small child or anyone really feel like they are 2nd or 3rd best? I admire in many ways how younger women today just don't put up with that kind of meanness. I wish I had of been as strong.
Well I really got off topic didn't I? I'm sorry!! Just your second reply in this thread touch a heart string and a still very sore spot.
I say.. You are doing right by doing what ever is needed to protect your children from this kind of CRAZY? MEANNESS? Whatever you want to call it? And I see you like me have taught your children to be above her and good and kind. It shows when they say " Thank You" for a horrible gift.
   :-\
« Last Edit: October 16, 2010, 11:01:35 AM by Annie123 »

Rose

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2010, 12:26:30 PM »
  Annie123 thank you for the understanding it helps to know that I am not in this boat alone, so to speak. I used to do the excuse thing for MIL. I said she didn't have the money but she loves you just as much and because you are older she thought you would understand.
As they got older they knew on their own that MIL spent a fortune on gifts for the others but not on them. When MIL came and gave them gifts she would tell them what she had given the others. She would give DS a toy with a $1. price tag on it and tell him she got his cousin a new CD player or an IPOD. I would tell them and myself that it was only fair that she spent more because she saw them often. But, even when she saw my kids it was never even for the kids or DH and his siblings. DH would get a comb and brush set and his brother a fitted suit from a tailor. Another year DH got a bumper sticker and MIL got his cousin three outfits from a store at the mall. For me it was "look at what I got my DD isn't it pretty"...and it was. "It was a BOGO so I got you one too", the ugliest thing you had seen in your life was mine, and it didn't even fit. At first I exchanged it and chalked it up to different taste. After the first year I donated my BOGO gift to charity, yes the same comment every year about how she didn't spend a dime on me. When I married DH I was a size 2. MIL bought me a large. When I delivered my first born MIL gave me a XXX large negligee. When my oldest was 2 MIL bought me a size 2 only then I was an 8. Really it's not about the gifts although it really is the thought that counts, and those intentions that were made. The intent was to insult and hurt and they were points well taken by us all.
As you say those that were the golden children and praised and loved are distancing themselves because MIL can't be trusted. DN's are afraid of MIL and what she is capable of. Very sad.

Offline Pen

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2010, 12:32:56 PM »
IMHO, some of these MILs sound like they have a psychiatric/emotional disorder and are at the mercy of their immediate feelings/emotions. Others are purposefully manipulative, mean and controlling. It's equally hard to deal with each type of bad behavior, but if I know the person is ill it's a little easier to understand and not take their behavior so personally. The intentionally mean person is cruel, and it's more devastating, I think.

For example, my GM was a really horrible MIL to my DM, but we all sensed she had psychiatric/emotional problems & was eventually diagnosed with dementia. She was reacting emotionally to current stimuli. It was uncomfortable dealing with her, but we cut her some slack. My SM on the other hand is extremely intelligent and lucid; she purposefully set out to cut DF off from his children, and treats us with intentional cruelty. It's hard to not be hurt by her shenanigans since they're done with calculated precision. 

My crazy GM gave us gifts of old junk that she'd previously told us was old junk; SM does the same, but adds the extra zinger of including gifts we've given to her in the box labeled "junk." SM has a sharp mind, so the dementia excuse won't work with her, LOL. She sent DDD $5 as a 21st b-day gift from her and DF; DS received $150. There's no excuse for that; it was very hard to explain to DDD (who, for all her disabilities, is a wiser, more compassionate woman than SM who has an advanced psychology degree from a prestigious college.) She dotes on her own children and GC, spending a fortune on trips and gifts. She's not as generous as that with DS by a long shot, but is downright cruel to DDD and me. BTW, DF is dressed in rags while she wears Saks. I've bought him clothes when they have more money than they know what to do with. Sad.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
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Rose

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2010, 08:19:39 AM »
  I understand what you mean. DH has other family members who take her as she is but keep the kids back and don't permit her to have time alone with them. I can't take that chance after seeing her become violent suddenly not toward me or my kids but in front of us. I have my own problems but I also got help for mine. MIL says that she sought help at a young age and the doctor told her she was fine that her problem is other people. She told me before my wedding "so if you ever have a problem with me you should know that you are the problem not me" She also mentioned that if she doesn't get her way that she threatens to kill herself and it's always worked for her. When she told me this I thought she was kidding and mentioned it to DH. He said that she is different that way and it was hard for her because she had kids young and that is the price they have to pay for her giving up her childhood to raise them. I have seen MIL use the suicide threat to get her way and I've heard of her other threats too. In the beginning of our estrangement we received a death threat on our answering machine, it was MIL's birthday. Coincidence I doubt it, if it wasn't MIL I would be surprised?  Unfortunately caller ID wasn't invented yet.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2010, 09:04:09 AM »
It is so hard to have to try to make any sense of something that is so inherently pathological. It has no rhyme or reason and survival is where we have to turn. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Annie123

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Re: Holidays
« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2010, 09:15:58 AM »
Good Morning Rose and Others,
  I was reading your replies and it is scary that there are others out in this world like my own MIL! I don't find any comfort in knowing other children have lived through this junk!
  I find now as I'm older and maybe or more likely smarter than when I was a young Mother. I find myself almost angry that I put up with or allowed this woman to hurt my kids like she did! I have no one to blame but myself. I just thought no matter what the nut did I had to put up with her because she was DH's mom. And I even feel anger towards him sometimes for never stopping it.
We live in a fairly small town where everyone knows everyone, And they all think my IL's are wonderful people. They are to the neighbors and town folk. Just not to THEIR OWN GRANDCHILDREN and other family! HOW??? can ANYONE who has any size soul and heart HURT a child on PURPOSE? that is a question that boggles my mind! I just do not understand even though I've lived in her mess for over 25 years.
I wouldn't or couldn't even do a complete stranger the way she has her very own family. NEVER!
 And lets pretend for just one moment that their is very good and valid reasons for what she done or did.. Why on earth would you tell the Other Child the details about what you did or bought for the "Golden Kid"? Explain to me the reason a Mother or Grandmother would want to HURT a child's feelings like that?
 One of my favorite sayings has always been, "What goes around,Comes Around" I think because I've actually seen it happen many times. And now she is getting what she should of Got all along. Sad to say!
  After YEARS AND YEARS of cruel meanness and hatefulness, My family won't have nothing to do with her and NOW she really needs the help. Her and FIL are VERY elderly and need family help daily and every night. But my own DH won't even talk to them?
  My FIL had many heart attacks and strokes. But the last one about 4 years ago left him helpless and bed bound. The first one and half years as usual it was my DH and I that stayed nights and tended to every need every day!!!!
 Then one night my DH was up there and come home the next morning to NEVER return? He will NOT talk about it? NOT AT ALL! My MIL has been to our home. (Which is only 2 houses away) several times crying and saying she is sorry for what ever.? But I don't know what to tell her because my DH won't tell me what happened up there? I did tell him if he was going to act like this why didn't he do it 20 years ago when she was being so cruel to our children? Why now when they are in their late 80's and near death? But he refuses to answer me. I mean not one thing..
 Well, for years now this has bothered me. YES she isn't my favorite person or anywhere near it. But now she is darn near helpless and I feel or worry that my DH will regret his actions after his folks die. I still go to their house and help what I can about once a week for about an hour. (I have to live with myself, just like she does) But my DH hasn't stepped foot there for almost 3 years now?
 A little background to help explain this.. BG .. When my DH and I married we both had 1 son each to bring to our marriage and then we had our own children together after we married. Well MY SON was not quite 2 years old when we married .. He was still in diapers and not talking. MY DH who is a REAL MAN and one of the BEST!! Took my son into his life as his own. NEVER did he show one tad of difference to him. HE WAS HIS SON as far as he was concerned and treated him that way. Well MIL never could. She would try to fake it every once and awhile. But he was ALWAYS THE "STEP" GC"
  Well, now our son has a son too. And I really think my MIL probably bad mouthed our Grandson about how he isn't really his blood or something? This is just a guess? But I think that is what after all these years pushed my DH over the edge. He loves our grandson SO VERY MUCH!! And he WOULD NOT have anyone talk badly about him without a fight! So IMO I am guessing it had something to do with that. Pile that on top of YEARS of treating MY SON different and I think he snapped.
 Sorry to go on and on and on. But this subject really tears at the ME I am!
But that is what I meant by " What goes around, Comes around" She is getting now what I should or WE should of gave her 20 years ago.
I tried so hard to put myself in her shoes over the years .. and I forgive her . But I will NEVER forget.. I wish I could.. Hope this made some sort of sense?