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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - lancaster lady

1
I am an old timer on this site going back a few years , the ladies helped me enormously in my time of need .
Fast forward eight years .....
My DS just had his 40th birthday. . I was assured he wanted no party or fuss and visited him the day before his birthday with best wishes .
On his actual birthday , my DIL planned a dinner with all her family .
My invite never arrived .
My DS knew nothing as it was a surprise ,
I have yet to speak to his wife !
After all these years it still hurts , her secret card is the GC   SHE KNOWS I will always be there for them .
I think this is her best yet .
My wish , KARMA ......
2
Hello everyone ,
Long time no see .
I'm here once again to talk to old friends to gain some self respect once
again .
Those of you who know my story will say oh no , thought you had a happy
Ending , but that leopard didn't change it's spots !
Still no holidays shared with GC , still no Easter egg hunt , no Christmas
morning , no Happy Birthday cakes .
Always , always , bottom of the list for family holidays .
Part of me says no more , but that would be me cutting myself off
from my GC .It's hurtful still , hard to be that happy GM no matter
what .
Just having a bit of a moan to understanding ladies , whilst my
GC enjoy their Easter with other GP again !
Hoping your Easter is happier ......🐦
3
Grab Bag / Oasis
November 08, 2012, 01:35:31 am
Hello everyone ! Long time no see !
I have been thinking about my friends across the pond , with the terrible weather , and also the election .
I hope your person of choice was elected !
I am tuning in today to say a big thankyou to you all , and to reassure any newbies reading this Forum
how welcome you will be made . These ladies do not judge , they listen , and when all around you is falling
down ,this site is a welcome port in the storm .
they saved my life , my sanity , and gave me the strength to carry on when I felt my heart had been
ripped out . Looking back , perhaps that is a bit over dramatic , but at the time I was rock bottom .
This tribute goes to Luise , my cyber Mom , and all her loyal mods and friends who help to make this
forum truly unique .
I thankyou from the bottom of my heart , which I still have thanks to you .
Not always with you in body but always in spirit .
As Luise says ....Sending Love ........<3
4
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Is it Me ?
March 25, 2012, 03:26:19 am
Hello Everyone ......

After reading a few members feelings re grandchildren , sons , daughters ......I really feel hard done by too , but then maybe its
my , health , hormones etc ...you all know I need to vent sometimes !
After my DS and his family moved out last November I thought perhaps we were on a new footing and could go on from there
with a new understanding of family values .....wrong !
I had to persuade them to come to my house for a family gathering on 26th December , as I know that now they live within walking distance of my DIL FOO they would of course spend Christmas Day together .
So since that day they have been here once to collect belongings they left behind , they live one hour away.
That is two visits in 5 months , go back a year and history is repeating itself .
My GD turned 2 in February , so we went to their house by invitation from my DS to celebrate ......they were out when we
arrived ...at her FOO . After phoning mobiles , they arrived .Visit went well and we left after a couple of hours , it being a work
day and we were tired , also having to work the following day .
So three weeks later , I had a hospital appointment near their house , well 20 miles away , my DS said come over , great .
He would be working , but my DIL would be home , and he would be there too shortly after .
We duly arrived ....she was out !
The same thing happened the following appointment two weeks later ....she was out !
Mother's Day was two weeks ago , I didn't even ask what they would be doing , lunching with her FOO , it turns out .
I asked my DS on two occasions what their plans would be for a Sunday lunch meet , they were meeting up
with friends of my DIL .
So yesterday my DH said he would love to see his granddaughter , I was surprised as he never usually initiates a visit,
but he said he missed her . I text my DS with a request , surprise , surprise , they are visiting her friends , not 10 miles
from here !

Now is it me ? Am I expecting too much to be included just once in a planned visit to see us ?
Also is my DIL trying to tell me something by being out each time we arranged a visit to their home ?
I never expected to be rewarded for rescuing them in their hour of need , but a little consideration
to let me see my GD would be appreciated .
I suppose by that statement I did expect something , but I thought it would bring us closer as a family and
help heal the ever expanding rift that we had .

So ladies , do I back off , and die off ? Last time I did that I was literally forgotten .
I love my GD dearly and really miss seeing her after living together for 6 months .
I don't want to be a whiny GM , so hard not to be , so far I haven't made any suggestions of me being
avoided , which is how it feels .
I also know I should be grateful for what little time I am allotted , as some GM's out there don't ever
get to see their GC.
So yes I'm with Pen , fed up of being excluded , and a little used in my case .

It's great to be able to vent without being judged , thanks for listening ...... :)
5
Grab Bag / Birthday Wishes
February 29, 2012, 01:14:40 am
Dearest Luise ,

Hope this day will be as Special as You are .
Sending love on your Birthday ,
May it be filled with sunshine and smiles , laughter and love .
Happy Birthday ...... :-* :-*
6
Grab Bag / Christmas Blessings
December 19, 2011, 02:21:27 pm
saying hello and Merry Christmas to all my WW Sisters .
Haven't been around lately as I feel I'm not strong enough to help anyone , been a rough year all in all ,
too many weepy moments .
Wishing you all a happy healthy 2012 , hope to see you all next year .
Peace on earth , goodwill to all men .............sending hugs .
7
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Coming Out
December 07, 2011, 10:15:33 am
As you are my closest friends , thought I would share with you my latest family news .

My eldest son is 35 and has just come out of the gay closet .( his words )
He has in the past had girlfriends , but is still single . He is so career orientated I never gave it another
thought that he was still single .Also this generation seem to waver the marriage certificate .
Anyway he came to visit me last weekend , he lives 200 miles away , and motored all the way
to stay for just two days . I thought a pre Christmas visit . However he stayed was quite subdued , and didn't
want to visit any of his relations . He left this morning quite happily after a very pleasant visit .
I received a text on his return home to say he really wanted to talk to me , but didn't know how .
My son and I have always been close , (I thought ) and could discuss anything .Obviously not .
Anyway , I am still quite, not shocked , but thoughtful about the whole thing .
I told him as long as he was happy , I am happy , but you know it's still a revelation .
Sweet boy , he told me he is still the same person , and will not change ...I love him for that .

Now you know how I feel about GK and am saying this in a selfish way ...he would have made an amazing daddy
and for that I am truly saddened .

Your thoughts ladies , as I have no one to talk to at this present moment .....and need a chat .
8
Grab Bag / Calming your inner Storm
October 06, 2011, 02:25:20 pm
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Calming-Your-Inner-Storm/337671112697

Found this site very helpful in a crisis ...... :)
9
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Latest Update
October 02, 2011, 01:35:16 am
thought I would let you know how things are going my end ......!
As you may remember my DIL method of child rearing , and my fears of this method .
This weekend my DIL attended a family occasion leaving my GD with MY DS for 1/2 a day , not here
but at her FOO's house .
As my DS wasn't allowed to attend or look after his daughter throughout her first year , you can imagine
how he feels now left ''holding the baby''.
My GD spent hours crying for her Momma , asking over and over where she was . Can you imagine
how my DS felt . I always worried about this separation anxiety she might face when left .
He promptly took his DD to her Momma and felt so inadequate doing so .
My fear now is , as she has to look for work , how will my GD now face being left for even longer periods .
Oh I know she will eventually get used to this , but all this trauma to accept that she will return eventually .
Last night she continually woke screaming for her Momma .
I saw a changed little girl yesterday when they returned , clinging to her DM and crying each time she
lost sight of her .
You know thats why we have extended families to help with new babies and care for older ones .
I hope my wee GD gets over this quickly , I have recommended to my DIL she begins to leave her
for short periods slowly extending them to longer ones , but then what do I know .....!
10
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Dear Daughter ???
September 05, 2011, 09:44:02 am
Hi guys ......
Think I would like your take on my DD ......
for those who know my history on here , they will know the difficulties I had with my FDIL and my GD ,( limited access) to make
a long story short .
During this time my own DD took it upon herself to become the mama bear towards me and got very involved against
my wishes in protecting , she thought, my feelings against anyone who dared to upset me .
In doing this , some nasty things were said to my FDIL and consequently a war of words was had leaving a nasty after taste between the two .
Fast forward 6 months , when my Ds and his family came to live with me through financial difficulties , plus they got married .
Now .....my DD went reluctantly to the wedding , got drunk and became quite abusive while hitching a lift with the bride and groom .
After hearing about this the following day , I told her how wrong she was and how unacceptable her behaviour was .Her DB
was now married and she had to accept the fact and move on .
She didn't congratulate the couple or her DB , she didn't give any gift or card , and has yet to apologise !
She has also stopped communicating with me , her portable bank !
I know she acted out of love initially for me , trying to protect me when all the chaos was happening .
However , if I can move on , I think she should too .
She and her brother have been very close , like forever , so I think the green eyed monster has
captured my DD and changed her personality completely .
She now acts like the world is against her , and I dislike the person she is becoming .We were also very
close .
I would appreciate my wise women's take on all this . It kinda ruined the wedding , also her relationship with her
DB , not to mention me .
11
Grab Bag / Hurrricane !!
August 28, 2011, 07:39:44 am
hope all my buddies are snug and warm ......hear the weather is horrific ...stay safe ! :-*
12
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Angry Man
August 07, 2011, 12:47:30 am
Looking for my friends here .......I need a chat !
As you know my DS and FDIL and GD moved in a month ago .
All was well for the first couple of weeks .Then  I noticed my DS getting angrier as the days went on .
Snapping at his DD for nor reason , she's 18 months old ! Also at his future DW too .
Now I realise what a strain he is under , re living here also a wedding in three weeks , BUT .......
his FDW has and is organising everything for this wedding , I mean everything !
He seems not interested when she asked his views on things , and barks a remark at her ....hmmmm
This started me thinking ...does he really want tot get married ?
Next thing she takes off for a few days to 'organise ' more things for the wedding , supposedly going to her FOO.
Then I hear she had a row at home with her Ds and left to stay with her friends instead , with my GD in tow .
My DD came to stay for a couple of days this weekend , and she asks me what on earth was wrong with her DB !
she didn't recognise him as her mild mannered brother !
I asked him recently if he wanted to share his problem, no problems , he replied , can't be happy every day !
However things came to a crunch yesterday when I heard my DS shouting at his DD at the top of his voice
, she is just a baby .
No more sealed lips for me .......I challenged him to stop shouting at his daughter  , she is so sweet and precious
and a little sweetie .and MY granddaughter !!
He said he could shout when he wanted to ! I replied in no certain terms that he couldn't .
Now this man was the quietest , nicest , calmest person you could meet , who has never even raised his voice to me .

My dilemma is .....does he want to get married , or is this just a build up of his frustrations of recent events .
I encouraged them to have  an evening out , which they did happily I think .
I also mentioned that his FDW was feeling a little low , ( as she moved out for two days ) , so he bought her some flowers .
Now I know you will think ahhh , she's interfering and getting in their business , I can assure you I'm not .
The remarks I made above was the first time I have mentioned parenting .
I have never made any remarks about the wedding other than , who shall I make the cheque out to !..lol

So I hope after the wedding things will calm down and I will get the son back I know and love .
nice talking to my buds once again ....... :)
13
Hi guys ......

turn the clock back 7 months and you would find me crying , not sleeping , not eating , and pathetically miserable .
Today ......my son has asked me can he and his future wife and daughter , move in with me and my DH !
As her FOO don't really have space for them !
This is the F/DIL who never visited or invited me to see my GD .Who let me believe for a whole year
I wasn't wanted or needed as a GM.
They have major financial problems exacerbated by their forthcoming wedding , and are unable to pay their
way living as a family .
I would never see my DS homeless , he has a good income but is overwhelmed by the current economic climate .
However my f/DIL  FOO decided it wasn't convenient and said they couldn't take them .

So here we are , I am not gloating , no way .My heart goes out to this young family , not even started married life
and facing hardship .Of course I am going to help any way I can .
My reservations are plenty , and I hope we make the six months or so it takes to ease their burden


So be kind to your MIL , you never know when you will need her ....!
14
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Is it Me ?
May 29, 2011, 01:33:56 am
Isn't it strange how little things can keep returning to our minds to annoy us ?

Attended a family BBQ yesterday , my birthday , hosted by my nephew and his wife .
It was a great event , lots of family and familiar faces , sunny but windy , however a super occasion .
My DS , f/DIL , and GD were also there .The fact that we have decided to sell the business , house etc
came up with my Ds . I mentioned that we had a few DIY painting jobs to do before showing the house .
Which to my surprise he offered to do together with f/DIL .He said the sooner the better , re selling up !
I thought Money ??   hmmm!

Then I said that I could take my GD out for walks while the job was being done , to which my f/DIL
said ...'' Oh yes, she'll go with anyone now ''.......!!

Now is this me being touchy , or was this a definite dig !
I'm not just anyone !!

So mulling all this over , as you do , I am now ready to take this head on .If this saga flares
it's ugly head once again , which I hope it won't , I shall be ready .
No more tears and feeling sorry for myself , this is one changed lady !

Why should a careless remark spoil my whole day ?
I'm letting it go , obviously , but am wary of any consequent remarks should they occur .
Thankyou ladies for your attention , and as always your wise input .
I should be lost without you ..... :)
15
Grab Bag / Feelings of Hate
May 06, 2011, 12:28:46 am
I posted the words ''I have never said I hated anyone in my adult life '' in another topic recently .
I take these back 100% !
I truly hate the sneak thief who entered my home when my back was turned and stole my wallet containing a substantial amount on money . Also a jewellery box containing my engagement ring and other sentimental objects . This happened yesterday
during the morning after I had left my house for a minute to go outside to the rear of my property .
The insurance people are not interested as I hadn't locked the door .....to which I replied ''So each time I hang out my washing I have to bolt the door ?''. They always have an excuse not to pay out any claims after years of paying premiums .
I realise these are hard times , however it doesn't give thieves carte blanche to rob decent hard working people .
So to that opportunist thief ...''Enjoy your spoils , what goes around comes around , and you will get your just rewards one day ''
16
Grab Bag / Marie Curie
April 01, 2011, 03:06:41 pm
sharing the daffodil emblem of Marie Curie .
Marie Curie Cancer Care provide end of life care to terminally ill cancer sufferers . this is their main fund raiser
week in the UK . They rely totally on donations and run various hospices throughout the UK. Also provide
valuable palliative care in the patients own home .
I salute all you amazing nurses who do such an amazing job under such stressful circumstances .
Marie curie discovered radium treatment .
17
Grab Bag / Hearts
March 19, 2011, 09:53:34 am
Looking for information ladies !
this week hasn't been one of the best health wise .
I suffered an Atrial Fibrillation .
for those like me who hasn't got a clue what this is , it's when the heart goes mad up to 180 beats a minute ! This lasted for two hours with an ambulance trip to the hospital .
It eventually righted itself and left me feeling exhausted .There is no obvious cause for this in my case
it was totally out of the blue .
what I am asking if anyone has any experience of this ? I have been told it will have to be investigated
but was allowed home meanwhile .
It was a scary moment and I'm told could reoccur at any time ....Gulp !
18
Grab Bag / Earthquake in Japan
March 11, 2011, 01:12:28 am
Devastating news for all those in Japan ...
Horrific pictures coming through this morning .
I hope all those in the US are not affected by a possible Tsunami on the west coast .
So sad for all those affected .... :(
19
Grab Bag / Personality Crisis
February 05, 2011, 01:43:21 am
Has anybody else suffered a change in their personality since their family conflict ?

I find I am no longer the outgoing sociable person I used to be .
I am wary of what I say to people for fear of causing offence .
I no longer post on FB for the same reason .
I think twice before I say anything where as before I was quite spontaneous .
Most of the time I am quite sad  even though there has been a level of understanding with my F/DIL.
Even my friends are asking if I am OK .!

I hope this is a temporary condition , as I would like my old self back !
Have any of the WW ladies gone through this ? Or is it me being weird !!
20
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Lost for Words
January 15, 2011, 07:06:29 am
My future daughter in law and I got along pretty well .I welcomed her to the family and was excited when my first grandchild was expected .I went a bit mad buying baby clothes,equipment furniture.Also knitted until my hands were sore .then my beautiful grandchild arrived .I felt the barriers go up .I was aware or what not to say .Not allowed to feed or change the baby .not allowed to take the baby out .When I called ,they were just going out or not there at all.They stopped visiting me .I let all this slide being you can imagine just a bit hurt .Until I made a comment not meant for her ,but she took it personally and called me a liar when I said it wasnt for her anyway .It was unoffensive but was twisted to make it so .Emails followed and my other siblings got involved to protect me .We are now at stalemate
with neither party speaking ,my son doesnt want to take sides .My friends are horrified how this has snowballed out of control ....I am taking time out to cool off and lick my wounds .She reckons she is due an apology ...for what ?Is this normal ??