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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / cannot log in with my usual username
« Last post by rain_drops on October 11, 2018, 08:53:13 AM »
I can't log in to my usual username, raindrops_on_my_soul. When I try it says username does not exist yet when I try to recreate it I am told the username and email address already exists. I have had this happen once before and that time I was told it was because my email address was bouncing emails. That should not be happening this time because I am using an address that I check on daily. Help please
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: My daughter is so cold towards me
« Last post by Bamboo2 on October 06, 2018, 08:49:55 PM »
Welcome, Rockchic.  Luise and the women here really helped me to see that I was also accepting disrespect from my daughter. (I posted a lot on this site about my issues with her back in 2015-2016). It took a while for me to see that I did not have to accept it, and figure out how to call her on it, but I did, and while it felt hard at first to stand up for myself, eventually I began to see that it was really the only way to get my self-respect back.  Plus it was good for me to model creating healthy boundaries, since she was struggling in other relationships, too.  And guess what?  Standing up for myself has helped me to be assertive in other relationships as well.  I'm still a work in progress, but I'm thankful that I gave myself permission to be straight about how I want to be treated, having been supported by some wonderful gals on this forum. 

Wishing you the best!

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: My daughter is so cold towards me
« Last post by luise.volta on October 06, 2018, 11:16:35 AM »
Welcome R.! We ask all new members to go to our home page and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit. We are a monitored Website.

I had a similar experience with my two adult sons. The eldest knew for a fact that I was the world's worst mother. My youngest was sure I was the absolute best. It took me a while to distance myself enough to realize that neither was true and it was about them, not me.

It took me even longer to realize that the price was too high for me to continue to want things to be different and to endlessly keep trying to fix them. I eventually turned my life around by getting that I was contributing to the problem by accepting the abuse and I vowed to only relate to those that treated me with respect, since to me, that was what self-respect was all about and I had lost that in the process.

None of the above may apply to you but I wanted to share my experience and the peace I have found. Nothing has changed...but I have. That's not true for everyone who shares here. Hope you hear from others, too. Hugs!
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / My daughter is so cold towards me
« Last post by Rockchic2315 on October 06, 2018, 07:37:51 AM »
Hi i have 2 adult daughters my oldest is 28 with  a child  my other daughter is 27 no children. Ive always helped my daughters out physically mentaly and finincally. Im very close to my eldest  she does practically everything for me my youngest doesn't do anything. If the two of them have a row my youngest will ring me up shout and swear at me like its all my fault and puts the phone down reducing me to tears i canot cope with her behaviour towards me. I now suffer depression anxiety and ill health. I was in hospital she never visited she didnt even come to pick me up as she has a car. Even thow i helped her buy one payed fir the insurance tax petrol. She dnt come to see me as often. I toldher the doors always open for her she even has a spare key to the house if she needs anything ie food toilet roll etc i dnt know what to do
Grandchildren / Re: Raising Grandkids
« Last post by luise.volta on September 21, 2018, 08:52:18 AM »
Welcome to my Website. Please create a UserName that will protect your anonymity and also remove your picture from your profile. I will close this thread to protect you further. In re-reading our Forum Agreement you may better understand our policies. Sometimes WWU isn't a fit. There are other Websites that take a different approach where you may feel more at home. If you choose to stay and re-post, I will remove this thread and respond. We care and we understand. To that we add as much protection of your privacy as possible.
Grandchildren / Re: Raising Grandkids
« Last post by Stilllearning on September 20, 2018, 06:12:32 PM »
Hi B!!  Welcome!!  We are glad you found us!  We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.  Also you might want to change your screen name to something less identifiable.  We believe that posts are more honest and forthright when there is little chance that the off hand visitor might identify us. 

Your post is written about your grandchildren but you actually raised them so it was difficult for me to choose where to move it.......grandchildren or children?  I hope this choice does not upset you.

I have lots of experience with my DS deciding that my advice was not wanted, needed or appreciated.  He went through a phase like that (and married....ugh!) and he is currently living with the lessons he has learned.  Yes, he now wishes that he had listened to me but.......oh well.  We have two wonderful granddaughters and I love them so much but I honestly still do not see what my DS thought he was marrying.  Anyway with a few more years under his belt and being entirely responsible for his own decisions he has finally seen the light.  I think your grandsons will do the same.  Anyway I hope they will.

For now the best thing you can do for yourself and your DH is to go out and enjoy your life.  Make plans for fun things and try to turn your focus to the things in your life that bring you joy.  My mantras are:
1) No news is good news
2) Not my circus, not my monkeys
3) What you focus on expands

Please take heart in the fact that you did the absolute best you could for your grands and one day they will recognize what you did.  Go out and have some fun!!!

Grandchildren / Raising Grandkids
« Last post by babsywhit on September 20, 2018, 10:00:24 AM »
Since two of my grandsons were born, I raised them from diapers to teens.  After having the kids in their first four years, I adopted them because my daughter and the father were willing to relinquish their parental rights.  My husband and I nurtured, sent them to school, paid their hospital and dental bills, got involved in their sports activities -- you name it we did it. The reward -- the biological father undermines us and tells the boys we took them away from him, wouldn't let him raise them -- although he chose not to come visit them.  To date, my grandsons have alientated my husband and I.  Family and friends who were an outstanding support system for the boys cannot understand why -- nor can we.

I am hurt, but I have no regrets. Though their last words to us were mean, spiteful, hateful, and sometimes even threatening, we know we did all we could do as parents. Even when those boys eventually got into trouble with the police -- we were there.  Some days I cry more than others.  I love them and I always will.

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Conflicted
« Last post by gettingoldandcranky on September 19, 2018, 10:05:17 AM »
Frustrated Oma   I feel your pain.  It doesn't make sense and is hurtful.  The solution we have come up with when we are told there is no room for us at birthday parties:  We call on the birthday.  If there is no answer which is what always happens, we leave a message. Hopefully it is passed along, but we called and did what is in our hearts - wishing our loved grandchild a happy birthday.  We ask for a date when we can visit and when we go I bring balloons, cupcakes and we celebrate!  So far this has been allowed to happen fairly close to our grandchilds actual birthday.
A couple of times we were allowed to go to the celebratory party, but a majority of the birthdays there is "no room" for my DS family.
You will get through this and hopefully our grandchildren realize at some point that we love them even though we are not allowed to participate in their lives.
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Conflicted
« Last post by Bamboo2 on September 15, 2018, 08:49:45 PM »
Oma, I'm so sorry to hear about your cancer battle.  You've been through so much.  Please take good care of yourself and treasure the time with those who want to be with you on your journey.  As far as your GS goes, while it may seem like he will miss out on a lot of love throughout his life, as you say, none of us knows the future. 

Sending positive thoughts your way

Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Conflicted
« Last post by Frustrated Oma on September 14, 2018, 04:57:36 PM »
Have not posted for a while, been battling ovarian cancer.  Just need a moment to vent, Things between my DS and DIL have been let's just say tolerable,  mostly because I think they are doing what they need to not look like complete jerks in others eyes with what I am battling.  Today I get a text message from my DIL stating that they will not be celebrating my GS 1st birthday as it will be  just the three of them and there will be no other gatherings.  We are welcome to send a gift but there is a whole list of rules of what we can and can not get him.  I just don't get why they are both so adamant about not sharing this child with anyone.  My poor GC is going to be robbed of so much love throughout his life.  I am just so sad..
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