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« Last post by Posey on July 26, 2018, 02:00:44 PM »
I wanted to give it some time to process it, see what happens. Since I first posted some pretty awful things have happened.
1. I got a call from the local police saying he and the gf's mother came in and filed a police report. He stated I was 'menacing and harrassing' because I dropped off his clothes and some toiletries and other items of his. They weren't home, I just placed them on the porch, texted him that they were there and left. He told them I was "manipulative", because I had his brother call him two times a week. He told them I was al"abusive". What I didn't mention before is that when he was leaving he actually shoved me down to the floor. I had scratches and bruises for a week all over my arms and back of my neck. But he claimed I abused him. The police wanted me to come in for pictures but I refused out of fear they would arrest him.
2. I recieved a letter from him that he clearly did not write, telling me he was cutting me out of his life for good, and his little brother too. It was not his handwriting, it was not wording he would ever use, etc. About half of this letter was addressing "slander and libel" regarding the gf and her mother. Telling me I was to desist. The whole letter was worded in an ominous and frankly creepy way, stating things like "I am not being isolated by (gf and gfs mother) from family and friends, I am choosing to close the book on all of the controlling, manipulation that is you and those involved with you and the family. (YS) is a casualty of YOUR horrendous behavior in this and you can tell him the truth that it is your doing that I will not ever see him again." etc. Its all so messed up. Other than his dad and stepdad, and my brother who was my abuser growing up and isnt in their lives, the rest of our family is kind and supportive and though not perfect, functioning and healthy. What the letter said made absolutely no sense in comparison to reality.
A bit of backstory, the mother has 4 other families who have either forbade their kids contact with her and her daughter or have actual legal no contact complaints against them. One of the parents reached out to me and put me in touch with the others. All their stories were similar, the mother encouraging their kids to isolate from them, two were encouraged to file false police reports, all these parents experienced things I did with the mother, finding out it was a "safe place" to drink and have sex, and one girls parents found out the mother took their daughter, at 15, to meet a man, adult, off tje internet in another county. All of these families told me their child was pressured and manipulated to isolate from, hate, family, siblings and friends and to plan on moving in with them.
Clearly, the actual author of that letter was more concerned with those criminal acts than anything else, so much of it was about it. Mind you, at no point did I tell my son details of what I found out, just said I was concerned that this was a pattern with this family and asking him to look closely at controlling behaviors like encouraging him to isolate from family.
3. I have lost three close friends over this, due to his false accusations. I feel completely triggered. And afraid to talk to anyone, like who else has he said this horrible stuff to. Id hate me too if it was actually true. I taught him how to treat folks with respect, how to be sociable, etc, but no male role model taught him anything but how to attack and harm me. Its too sickeningly similar to what his stepfather did. Its wrecked his little brother (who has special needs on top of the other stressers I mentioned in the first post). They were so close and loving, so its as screwed up for him to process as mysrlf and those around us. Its like Jekyll and Hyde.
4. With the letter, he left his phone too. There is no other way to reach him. Some of his friends have a new number but wont give it, saying he made them promise not to. I dont pressure them, as I love them too, watched them grow up, and can tell they are so confused by his behavior.
He deleted everything from the phone, or so I thought, until I started getting notifications (I think its still set up through his gmail, Im not tech saavy, so not 100% sure) for something called Life360 (a tracking device on his phone, which he once mentioned the gfs mother had on the gfs phone) being activated on his new device, several emails from apartment listings on craigslist, and new acvounts on facebook, ect. I checked online and sure enough he closed out his old facebook, none of the family has recieved invites to his new one.
I hear you and appreciate what you say, I hope I get there, and my YS too, someday and someday soon. As is I cry a lot. None of it makes sense so thats not helping. I get I was strict, but I wasnt abusive or controlling (I would never put a tracker on an adult males phone), I kinda feel I messed up in not focussing more on teaching him abput control and abuse and how to recognize it, I never felt up to talking about it much after surviving it. I thought I would show by example even if a lot of it was too painful to talk about. I thought I talked to him enough, everytime something happenned and he wanted to discuss it, I was there, but I didnt get him the right therapy maybe. He fell right into the very thing he was predisposed to fall into. And my failure there, and my reasonable concern about this family he is involved with, its not helping my heart find peace in this. I do hope this gets easier.
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