December 01, 2020, 09:26:45 am


"Welcome to -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Welcome M!  We are glad you found us! We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.

Wow, what a horrible situation!  I think I would make my home a "No Politics Zone" and start throwing out anybody who brought up politics. If they won't leave then go to your room and shut the door.  You have a right to your opinion and you have a right to be treated civilly in your own house.  There is no reason for you to have to tolerate that kind of disrespect even if you were defending flogging children. 

Just as a by note if you or your SIL are getting all of your news from only one or two places please expand your views (and ask you SIL and daughters to do the same).  I watch several different news stations, and yes I have to gird myself for viewing some of them, but I watch them so that I can compare things after getting both sides of the story.  This is a tense and divisive time to be alive and it is up to all of us to try to understand the opposite point of view.  
Thanks M!!   My thoughts exactly.  My DS was over here yesterday and I told him "I just want you to be happy and I don't think you are.  You are in charge here.  If you need anything from me let me know".  He seemed to appreciate that reaction.  It is so hard not to tell him what to do!  Back to my mantras.....y'all know them!

I am so glad that you are in touch with your DS/DIL!  Most people are facing challenges at work right now if they still have a job. The stresses on families are tremendous and most of us have learned not to confide our problems with many people because the next time we see them the first thing they want to talk about is the last thing we want to focus on.  Our best present to our children is allowing them the privacy to work out their own problems their own way.  To them it reaffirms their adulthood and complements their judgement when we step back and stay quiet. If they need our help they will ask.  To us though it is a really hard thing to do.  We so want to make their lives easier by sharing our hard earned lessons.  It is a challenge to turn over the teacher's role to life but that is what we, as parents, must do.

I am happy that your DS has offered to set up a facetime visit for you with your grands.  So many of us have to be satisfied with these less than optimal forms of getting together.  My grands were here yesterday as their last visit before in person school starts (today).  I am going to miss them horribly but I would rather miss them for a year than possibly die and have them miss me forever.  I never thought I would have to make choices like this.  What a sad time to live through.

Called my son today about a visit. Said he's been working lots of overtime, including this weekend. Said he would talk to his wife about us visiting. (We stay in a hotel, by the way.)

Anyhow... he texted later that it's not a good time.  Things are too hectic.  But the grandkids miss us a lot and he would set up a FaceTime next weekend. I told him please do - it's the only connection we have with them.

Not much else I can do. He's choosing not to share - my gut says something else is going on. I won't pry - I'll just keep praying.

Thank you StillLearning for your thoughts & support.
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Never saw this one coming!...
Last post by mstrish - October 04, 2020, 10:37:39 am
What an awful situation! However, I would suggest you stay out of it and let them work through their own issues. I have a feeling that if you get involved, somehow you will turn out to be the bad guy.
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / SIL yelling & cussing at me in...
Last post by mstrish - October 04, 2020, 10:34:33 am
Last Friday night my SIL screamed and cussed at me because of politics. I have been so upset every since. When I calmly told him how rude he was, he stormed out and my daughters took his side! I don't know how to handle it. I feel that the male posturing happens because I don't have a husband to back me up. I want family peace, but as a divorced grandma, I need to set boundaries. But how do I do that without causing more problems?
My fingers are crossed for you!! 

Thank you so much for sharing your advice Stilllearning! I reached out to both of them this week via text to think about planning a visit either here or there during the school fall school break. DIL reacted with a heart emoji. My son didn't respond 🙄. 

I will not mention the FB post when I communicate going further. I certainly don't want to embarrass anyone. Thank you for sharing your perspective on that.

Praying while I wait to see how this unfolds.
I know how getting those messages must hurt!!  Are they coming in on your phone?  If they are you can turn off the notification so that you won't know she sent something until you feel like checking.  I had to set my Facebook setting so that I did not know when my DIL posted.  It just hurt too much.  Now I go in and check her page when I feel up to it.  It made a world of difference when I stopped getting blindsided by her posts.

Hang in there!  The fact that she is still texting is actually a good sign.  She wants to inflict pain on you because she knows that you will always love her so she can spew her anger at you and not lose you in the process.  Not reacting is the best way to go.  Defending yourself will only make things worse.  Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.  I still have hope that she will come around.  Just give her time.

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Abusive daughter rewriting...
Last post by lostatsea - October 01, 2020, 03:40:48 am
Hi, thank you for you again for your reassuring words. It has not taken a week and I have received more abusive texts , threatening more distance from DD. So to me , it seems she just wants revenge, a finality , but then not really - maybe just wants to inflict more pain. I honestly feel that if she gets no response DD will elevate this to others to make sure they all know how awful I am. How do you deal with that? I have a responsible job and need to turn up every day. Her sibling has now decided not to correspond with her, which of course is my doing, she thinks. 
How did I raise this child, can this behavior really be my doing? I feel if I correspond she will take that as an admission of guilt and a channel to inflict more pain. Not responding is hell.Its affecting my whole life, but then again that is DDs aim.
I will not enter into therapy with DD, as it would destroy me. Im so sorry that you had that experience to go through, I don't envy anyone in that position.
Over the years several people have said to me that DDs behaviour is unacceptable, but DD also can be the sweetest person to others, so makes it doubly hard to accept that all this is turned on me and so late in life.

Ther eis no magic wand though, I will have to get through this
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