July 12, 2020, 12:58:08 pm

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Recent posts

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1
Aging Wisely / Re: Corona, How is everyone do...
Last post by Things happens - March 28, 2020, 08:04:29 pm
Luise,

That is good to see your taken well care of and doing well.  I am just staying in and limiting my time to the grocery store once a week, at 5:30 AM (special senior hours 5:30 - 7:00). Not to many then, they usually start coming in at 6:00 when I am leaving.  I feel lucky that no one around here has tested positive and I hope it stays that way. It is a scary time, but my grandmother use to say stop borrowing worry. So I just hope and pray for the best.

Still Learning, Now that is an ambitious project, I am just cleaning out things a little bit at a time. When things goes back to normal, a lot of places will be getting some nice donations. I watch just a local channel once a day. I actually found a nice website called the Goodnews Network, they have nothing but good heart felt stories. No doom and gloom allowed.
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Aging Wisely / Re: Corona, How is everyone do...
Last post by Stilllearning - March 27, 2020, 04:53:55 am
I am so glad to hear that you are both doing well!  Please stay healthy!!

As for me, I decided that working in the daycare was unnecessarily exposing my DH to a dangerous vector.  All those times of saying "it is like getting paid to be a Grandmother" are all true but it is still like working in a petri dish,  There is no way to maintain a six foot separation when you have to change diapers and wipe noses, and with both of us being in the "at risk" age range it just didn't seem to be worth the risk.  So now I am at home painting the exterior of my house.  It needs it sooooo badly and since I now have the time and can certainly stay away from everyone in the process I am turning these lemons into lemon aide! 

What are you doing to fill the empty times?  Hopefully you haven't glued yourself to the TV with its endless supply of bad news!
3
Aging Wisely / Re: Corona, How is everyone do...
Last post by luise.volta - March 26, 2020, 06:36:07 pm
Hi T, I am 93 and high risk. I live in the Independent Living section of a retirement center in Washington state with both nursing and assisted care facilities. I have a little studio apartment and a dog and have lived here for 20 years. I have various physical issues and a pacemaker. 

All kinds of wise controls were set in place here early on and we held our own until last week when a resident in Independent Living contracted the virus and passed on. We stay in our units unless we are taking a walk, alone. We are on 90 acres of woods and our walks are lovely. There are no two-story units. Groceries are delivered by a store or by family and left on our porches. Prescriptions are handled the same way. We do not congregate anywhere or visit back and forth. However, we stay connected by text, email, and phone conversation. It's a very loving community of around 350 residents.

I have a volunteer job I do from my apartment, monitoring our Maintenance Request Line during their off-hours and submitting a report each morning when they open.

My son and DIL live 50 miles away and prepare all of my main meals for me. This is the third year they have done that! They freeze and label each one and keep me stocked a month in advance. I have a little freezer on my front porch where they leave them...and I wave at them from my window when the come up monthly. They used to visit me every week and we always enjoyed that but it's not safe now. 

I am mobile and do my own housework now that no one is allowed to enter my unit. I do it in small increments. I use a walker for balance but not to hold me up.

I have seen a great deal in the last 93 years but nothing that has prepared me for this. I am a retired nurse but my training was in the 40s and is terribly outdated. All I can do is my best. This is my Website and it means a great deal to me. My moderator, 'Still Learning', is stepping in to take over. My son is our Webmaster.

Hugs to all!
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Aging Wisely / Corona, How is everyone doing?
Last post by Things happens - March 24, 2020, 11:50:14 pm
Hi All,

Just I would check in and see how everyone is doing at this time. I know there are several older members including myself. I am just staying put and not going anywhere.
5
Thank you for all of the encouraging responses and support.  Much of what you shared has resonated with me.  Hopefully, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Hi, and welcome. I have had no first-hand experience with your situation and we never write here about what we think we would have done or what we think you should do. However, I want to add my caring to the caring of those that have responded. Many hugs.
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Adult son selectively look...
Last post by Bamboo2 - March 05, 2020, 10:28:38 pm
Welcome! Your post resonated with me.  What a frustrating situation that must be for you.  I have a son who struggled when college didn't work out for him and he ended up moving back home, aimless, depressed and extremely defensive. Locked himself in his room and played video games.  Wouldn't meet with us about expectations. I had been seeing a therapist myself for a year or so to get some guidance with figuring out this son, who my husband and I believe is on the autism spectrum - Aspergers.  Things came to a head when he said he had suicidal thoughts and I called the county mental health crisis line, which was very helpful.  My son never did agree to therapy, as the county social worker recommended, but she helped us all work out a plan for him to continue staying in the house and take some steps toward gainful employment.  We suggested a short term training program which he completed, found a full time job through the instructor, and now 15 months later he is still at home, paying all his own bills and saving for a townhouse. We take 1/3 of his monthly income as rent (saving some of that in an account for when he moves out) and have an agreement about what household tasks he needs to do. Now he and we both see a good future for him.  Things could change if he loses his job, of course, but for now he feels good and has a purpose.  I don't know if any of my story is helpful to you. We were pretty desperate at times, but I felt that getting my own support was vital.  Wishing you all the best!
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Hi V!!  It is my lunch break so this will be short also.  Sorry!!  I have thought about you and your dilemma this morning.  It is truly sad when we are put in your situation.  You deserve to enjoy your life. You spent 30 years doing everything you could for him. 

I had to pretty much turn my back on my eldest.  It really hurt but it was not until then that he really understood all that we had done for him over the years.  It took a while but the gap left by my pulling away from him has filled.  We will never be the way we were before he married my DIL but things are worlds better now that he does not have the power to control my emotions.  He is an adult.  He makes adult decisions.  He has to pay for the bad ones, but I give him full credit for the good decisions he makes.  Good luck!

Hopefully someone else will chime in with their own feelings!

Hugs!
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Welcome V!!  We are glad you found us!  I am unfortunately on my way to work but I will post a more thoughtful reply in a few hours.  Be sure to check out our forum agreement under "open me first" to be sure we are a good fit for you.  We are a monitored website.  See you later today!  So sorry you are in this unfortunate circumstance.  We all want our children to fledge from the nest on their own instead of having to kick them out.  Hugs!
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Almost 30 year old son continues to live at home after college and an advance degree. After graduation with the advanced, degree, decided he "hated" this profession. Works a part-time minimum wage job from 3-7 each day and then plays video games all night.  Has only been on 2 job interviews n the last year - applying for jobs he isn't even qualified for.  We have paid for counseling and a career counselor, all with no progress.  He explodes and plays the blame game every time he is asked about his job search.  No medical insurance - he had a hospital stay about a year ago and has a 30K bill hanging over his head that has not been resolved.  He should be paying rent.  Any advice on what to do?
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