September 19, 2020, 10:34:19 pm

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Recent posts

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1
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Are they are narcissist?
Last post by luise.volta - September 12, 2020, 02:19:38 pm
    Thanks for checking in. Sorry, you find it difficult to post here. I have run across that kind of issue, too. As far as I know, there's nothing we can do. The person with the issue has to seek professional help and I'm not sure many do. Our job is probably to maintain our own balance as much as possible. Not an easy task. Wishing you well...
2
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Are they are narcissist?
Last post by daniel - September 11, 2020, 12:24:09 pm
Darn it. I hate that I can't edit here. Typos and bad grammar. 

Please disregard. It's why I stopped posting.
3
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Are they are narcissist?
Last post by daniel - September 11, 2020, 12:22:55 pm
Hello

Someone here once told me to look this up sometime. It's been 5 years now since the DIL cut me out. 

It's been a long road for me, I did well with he help of some of the beautiful people here. Thank you. 

I do believe she is a narcissist now and finally found this the other day. There isn't much help for us out there. This site was a godsend for me. 

So. Here is something I SO wish I had learned 10 years ago. 

https://youtu.be/lPdsp1NZz-w
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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / DIL
Last post by Gordypoo30 - September 05, 2020, 10:39:08 am
my dil was put on medication for the remainder of her pregnancy. I called the pharmacy to pay in advance but they told me she hadn't filled it, it was 5 ago she should have filled it. She needs this medication so she doesn't go into pre term labor. I tried calling her twice the other day and sent her a message, no reply. She does this to her family. Ignores them until she is ready to talk. So I sent a text that I was trying to help and if she was ignoring me that was fine but I wanted to help. She calls me and starts talking to me like I'm the child. Saying I make everything an issue. I play victim and i crossed the line.This has happened in the past where she twists my words and I told her call me when my son was also listening so words weren't twisted. She hung up on me. Later my son calls and we are all on the phone and she again tells me things and I told her she is hateful. She doesn't have a close relationship with her family but our family is close,  until she came along. Please advise.  Did I cross the line when I was only trying to help. Keep in mind we helped the first month of medication trying to get a pharmacy to fill it. Thats the only reason I called to pay in advance.
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Welcome, LF! You can go to her post and reply. That way you can interact with each other. My take is we did our best. Now our adult children get to stop blaming as a way to put off maturing. The ball is in their court. Many hugs...
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Dear NanaNae
I have also been dealing with a DIL similarly to yours. It is the reason I discovered this site tonight & joined this group.  I'm baffled about how to deal with it.  It hurts a lot. Have you learned anything that helps ?  I am so sorry that you've experienced this emotional abusiveness also.  I know how much it hurts. Blessings & hugs to you !
7
Snowb.....thank you so much for your kind reply.  I have made an appointment with my doctor and will discuss it with her.  I can only hope that it will help but my DIL has started taking my grandchild to a bigger city 5 hours away because she is not getting the responses she craves locally.  I am not positive that my doctor has any pull in that city but we shall see.

As for this website, it saved my life and my marriage.  This was the first place I ever felt supported in my plight and the first place where I heard that I was not helpless.  I really thought that since I had no control over what was happening in my DS's life I was just doomed to stand by and be tortured by the choices he was making.  It never occurred to me that he had his own lessons to learn and I was no longer responsible for saving him from making mistakes.  It was here that I learned that my work as a parent was done.  I now stand on the sidelines and only help when asked (and if I can).

It has been a tough year for all of us.  We are dealing not only with the pandemic but also the loneliness caused by isolating ourselves.  I quit my job in childcare because it was like working in a petri dish and I have been home with my DH since April.  I cannot imagine how lonely people who do not have a significant other are.  I know of one separated father who committed suicide when he was denied the possibility of seeing his children.  This is a horrible time and it makes it all the more important that we spend some time enjoying ourselves and actively trying to make ourselves happy.  When we are happy we make the people around us happy.  It grows!

I can't change your font for you.  You must have composed in another program and the cut and pasted your first post.  It is OK.  I don't feel like you were yelling, I promise!!  LOL

Keep reading and feel free to post anytime.  Luise has some wonderfully calming advice!  Ask me how I know!!

(Hugs!)
8
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Munchausen syndrome by pro...
Last post by Snowb - August 12, 2020, 07:53:54 pm
Sorry for the large font! Not sure how to change it?
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Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Munchausen syndrome by pro...
Last post by Snowb - August 12, 2020, 07:51:03 pm
Hello Stilllearning and Louise,
This is my first post, though I have been reading here for the last three or four years. This site has been a lifesaver for me!

I am an RN, and many years ago when I worked in a hospital, we had a little boy who's mother was known to have Munchausen by Proxy. His chart was about 12 inches thick! Our only job was to keep him comfortable while social services and the doctors dealt with the mother. She was known all over our large city at all the various hospitals. The doctors and hospitals had all communicated with each other to prevent this child from suffering any more tests or procedures. These mothers apparently love the attention they receive when their child is ill. It is child abuse that is often unrecognized and it's horrible.

I think it's a great idea for you to speak to your doctor. He/she may have connections that can help. You may also be able to leave an anonymous tip with a patient advocate at the hospital where your grandchild is taken. Most large hospitals have patient advocates on staff. At least they do in my state.

Like I said, this website has helped me so much! I think Louise should write a book with all her words of wisdom. I can't thank you enough for keeping this site going. I will try and work on my own post. I am trying so hard to focus on the positive in my life. It's been a tough year!
10
Hi, MC. My kids are grown and the eldest passed away at 52 of a sleep apnea stroke. We were never the parents he thought he deserved and he made that abundantly clear. We made fools of ourselves trying to measure up but never did. It never entered our minds that it might be about him. We were just ordinary folks doing out best and, being human, facing not being perfect. There was no abuse, no moral issues...we were just too 'common'. He was given a scholarship to a private school due to his high IQ starting in middle school and learned there how the privileged lived. His dad worked there weekends to pay for his transportation, which embarrassed him. He was very successful as an adult and well known in his field. He married and had two sons and a granddaughter. He kept them away from us when they were little and shared his opinion of us with them, which they accepted.

We all have hopes and dreams that color our expectations when it comes to our children. I guess they get to have the same thing but our younger son never bought into any of it. However, our older son let him know he saw him as inferior, too. We had no idea that idea was planted during childhood and has colored our younger son's entire adult life.

Looking back, as I read your post, my heart went out to you. What you want and deserve is an ongoing relationship involving mutual respect. Why it hasn't turned out that way is a mystery but your wellbeing, as described by Still Learning, is up to you, not your children. You did your best. Now, you get to 'turn toward that which brings you joy'...and have the rest of your life be about that...or not. Hugs!
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