October 29, 2020, 10:23:03 am


"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

Recent posts

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Hi S!  It is good to hear from you!  Man oh man has 2020 been a horrible year!  So many people have lost their jobs and the senate just went on vacation instead of passing an aid package for the people who are unemployed.  It could be that your DD is just one of the millions who worked in the hospitality industry or somewhere else where businesses are falling like flies and there is no job that the unemployed people are qualified for.  It is such a mess!  I would hesitate to blame your DD's situation on anything other than a once in a hundred year pandemic.  The situation is really dire for many young people.

I would have to call her and find out what was happening.  Maybe she doesn't need as much as you think she does.  Maybe your elder DD is in a position to help her.  The first step is to assess the situation and you cannot do that without calling.  Hugs!!

By the way I had to edit the religion out of your post.  We do not allow it here.  Sorry.
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Youngest Adult Daughter - Cont...
Last post by Susan E. - October 28, 2020, 02:59:32 pm
I haven't posted on WWU for awhile.  I have 2 adult daughters in their 40's.  Relationship with oldest is hot/cold on/off - currently off - haven't had any communication since July 2019.  Relationship with youngest went south about 6 years ago, took me by surprise. She accused me of mistreating her - actually - projecting her own nasty behavior on me.  About 4 years ago I reached out to her through email, and received a very nasty cruel reply from her, basically telling me to eff off and drop dead. The purpose of my post today is regarding my youngest AD.  I received an email from her yesterday, I haven't responded or called her.  Her email was brief but the gist of it is she's in trouble of some kind (I'm assuming financial) and terrified that she "may" have to move next week to a homeless shelter. She said she "doesn't know what the right thing to say is". (?)  She left her phone number and said she hopes I'm doing ok through all this Covid mess. 
I'm trying not to go off the deep end with this (I'm prone to anxiety - so its a challenge).  Bottom line is - assuming she's looking for a bail-out - I live alone and like it that way and I am definitely NOT in the lending business (bank).   I'm not responsible to fixing anyone or bailing anyone out.  This sounds cold and uncaring - but I'm not.  I love both girls, but I need to protect myself.  I'm 70 years old with very few friends, living on a pension.  I don't know what she's been involved in (drugs?) to get into this "situation".  I guess things would be a little easier now if the past 4 years were not a total mystery.  Right now - I need encouragement to be strong.  Giving in and offering my couch, food and money will not do any good for either one of us.  Help, please?
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Never saw this one coming!...
Last post by jdtm - October 18, 2020, 06:52:11 am
So many questions and so many answers - but not your questions and not your answers.  Letting go and not jumping in to solve their problems, and frankly to protect them, is very difficult to do.  Different circumstances but same path for me - being a support, letting go, and finding peace and some joy in one's own life.
Thanks M!  I expect this will break up the marriage, it is just a matter of when.  I keep wondering if my DIL (if I can call 'him' that) will make my grands call him "Dad".  So many questions.  So few answers.

OK, wow! That's a crazy turn of events! To be honest, I'm a little bit envious. If my DIL were to decide she was a "he" I'm pretty sure my DS would run far, far away.

You did the right thing just offering to be there if he needs you.
Thank you so much for your thought filled words. Every time I find myself worrying, I'm coming back here to reread your post.

Yes, these are unsettling times for so many reasons. I'm happy you were able to spend time with your grandchildren. Cherish every memory.
We are fortunate that there is technology available to us for virtual visits when we can't be together. 

Thank you again for your wise words.
Welcome M!  We are glad you found us! We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First to read the posts placed there for you. Please pay special attention to the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit for you. We are a monitored Website.

Wow, what a horrible situation!  I think I would make my home a "No Politics Zone" and start throwing out anybody who brought up politics. If they won't leave then go to your room and shut the door.  You have a right to your opinion and you have a right to be treated civilly in your own house.  There is no reason for you to have to tolerate that kind of disrespect even if you were defending flogging children. 

Just as a by note if you or your SIL are getting all of your news from only one or two places please expand your views (and ask you SIL and daughters to do the same).  I watch several different news stations, and yes I have to gird myself for viewing some of them, but I watch them so that I can compare things after getting both sides of the story.  This is a tense and divisive time to be alive and it is up to all of us to try to understand the opposite point of view.  
Thanks M!!   My thoughts exactly.  My DS was over here yesterday and I told him "I just want you to be happy and I don't think you are.  You are in charge here.  If you need anything from me let me know".  He seemed to appreciate that reaction.  It is so hard not to tell him what to do!  Back to my mantras.....y'all know them!

I am so glad that you are in touch with your DS/DIL!  Most people are facing challenges at work right now if they still have a job. The stresses on families are tremendous and most of us have learned not to confide our problems with many people because the next time we see them the first thing they want to talk about is the last thing we want to focus on.  Our best present to our children is allowing them the privacy to work out their own problems their own way.  To them it reaffirms their adulthood and complements their judgement when we step back and stay quiet. If they need our help they will ask.  To us though it is a really hard thing to do.  We so want to make their lives easier by sharing our hard earned lessons.  It is a challenge to turn over the teacher's role to life but that is what we, as parents, must do.

I am happy that your DS has offered to set up a facetime visit for you with your grands.  So many of us have to be satisfied with these less than optimal forms of getting together.  My grands were here yesterday as their last visit before in person school starts (today).  I am going to miss them horribly but I would rather miss them for a year than possibly die and have them miss me forever.  I never thought I would have to make choices like this.  What a sad time to live through.

Called my son today about a visit. Said he's been working lots of overtime, including this weekend. Said he would talk to his wife about us visiting. (We stay in a hotel, by the way.)

Anyhow... he texted later that it's not a good time.  Things are too hectic.  But the grandkids miss us a lot and he would set up a FaceTime next weekend. I told him please do - it's the only connection we have with them.

Not much else I can do. He's choosing not to share - my gut says something else is going on. I won't pry - I'll just keep praying.

Thank you StillLearning for your thoughts & support.
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