Thank you....yesterday I was on a pure pity party after my daughter's call and WOW, the posts here just woke me up...I am not going to be pathetic and that is what I was/have been. No more. I realized that the posts I was reading were from these quality women who, like me, have given their blood, sweat and tears to be mothers and it enraged me to think we are being slapped with disrespect from our kids. It was so clear that I needed to take back my power. It's never too late to have a better and more peaceful life. And I am ok with that being without my kids interactions. My grandkids love me and I have one who is 21 now and we are close. The others are minors yet and can't make their own decisions, but there will be a time when we will be close too. So thanks again.
April 25, 2024, 12:50:08 PM
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Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Strength in numbers
August 15, 2011, 04:05:53 PM
Hello everyone: I am brand new here and thank goodness I found this site last night when I was having very bad thoughts. Yesterday my adult daughter (45) called me out of the blue and said all these hurtful things to me. This has happened before, repeatedly, over the years, usually when she is in some kind of crisis in her own life. She hasn't been answering my emails or calls and yesterday I suspected she had had a drink or two. I divorced her dad because of alcoholism when she was 7 and her brother 4. He was a hopeless father (like so many of you say), and I kept things together and never spoke against him. Rah, Rah, Rah for your dad, he is a good person he just forgets to pick you up sometimes, or your birthday or or or...you all know the story. I remarried when the kids were 11 and 7, to a man who provided all the good things in life that I knew we needed: house, picket fence, travel, etc. I loved him but he was a nasty man in many ways and very emotionally abusive. When my son moved out for college I divorced him (now TWO divorces in a family of no divorces) and since 1992 I have been living a productive single and professional life. I am very generous with money, gifts and love to my kids and the four grandkids. I never ask for a thing and they frequently "forget" about me on holidays, etc. I am just too darn good to them, like begging for a bone. My kids and I were always very close, as you are when you are a single parent. I am a fabulous mom and grandmom and sometimes my daughter is like syrup on pancakes, then the next day she will call and rage against me. Drugs? Alcohol? How do you know when they live 6 hours away?
I woke up last night when I read all these posts from GOOD women who have the same story. Then I got mad. It is NOT just me. I am allowing these snotty spoiled kids to be nasty to me and then when they call me I reward them with another present. It was very clear to me that it has to end. It is my guilt that has fueled this fire and the kids, learning to be emotionally abusive from their step-father, have screwed my balls to the wall (pardon the expression,,,I don't have balls..lol). And I am helping them do it because I think, in some sick way that I have to always be a mother, regardless of how nasty they are. No more. Thank you posters for saying the things you say to empower me.
Today I blocked my daughter's FB and tomorrow I change my beneficiaries. My reasoning is that if they are not respectful enough to call me or think of me or invite me to things, then I am not going to inconvenience them with spending any inheritance money. I have wonderful grandchildren and I will set up college trusts for them.
I worked my way up from us being on food stamps for a few months after my first divorce to now having a Ph.D. and a great job. I have never asked my kids for anything except understanding when I was struggling through my second divorce. I have a great relationship with my first husband (kids' father) who has turned out to be a great father/grandfather when he quit drinking.
Anyway, thank you for listening, I am feeling more emotionally centered about this whole deal. Like someone said here, "you had a life before you had kids and you will have a life if they are not in your life," or something like that. That was very eye-opening. If they want me to be miserable they will not succeed. Bravo wise women,,,there is life out there beyond looking like a ragamuffin and pleading with your kids to love you. No more. Bless you all, if I can say that after such a rant....lol.....
I woke up last night when I read all these posts from GOOD women who have the same story. Then I got mad. It is NOT just me. I am allowing these snotty spoiled kids to be nasty to me and then when they call me I reward them with another present. It was very clear to me that it has to end. It is my guilt that has fueled this fire and the kids, learning to be emotionally abusive from their step-father, have screwed my balls to the wall (pardon the expression,,,I don't have balls..lol). And I am helping them do it because I think, in some sick way that I have to always be a mother, regardless of how nasty they are. No more. Thank you posters for saying the things you say to empower me.
Today I blocked my daughter's FB and tomorrow I change my beneficiaries. My reasoning is that if they are not respectful enough to call me or think of me or invite me to things, then I am not going to inconvenience them with spending any inheritance money. I have wonderful grandchildren and I will set up college trusts for them.
I worked my way up from us being on food stamps for a few months after my first divorce to now having a Ph.D. and a great job. I have never asked my kids for anything except understanding when I was struggling through my second divorce. I have a great relationship with my first husband (kids' father) who has turned out to be a great father/grandfather when he quit drinking.
Anyway, thank you for listening, I am feeling more emotionally centered about this whole deal. Like someone said here, "you had a life before you had kids and you will have a life if they are not in your life," or something like that. That was very eye-opening. If they want me to be miserable they will not succeed. Bravo wise women,,,there is life out there beyond looking like a ragamuffin and pleading with your kids to love you. No more. Bless you all, if I can say that after such a rant....lol.....