Then one day from the bottom of the abyss I decided that I deserve better. I worked hard to get to where I am and I deserve to be happy so I looked around and found the things in my life that make me happy. I found my DH. I found my other DS. I found my sister. I found my hobbies (camping, canoeing, hiking, and recently I tried zip lining!). I started enjoying my life and every time my mind wandered toward the abyss I would force it away by thinking of something I enjoyed. I adopted sayings like "No news is good news" and "Not my circus, not my monkeys" and I said them to myself every time I thought about my DS's situation. It took a long time, but eventually I got strong enough to stay away from the abyss and eventually my DS figured out what I knew about my DIL. He had his own lessons to learn and he honestly could not learn them with me interfering because he blamed everything that happened on my interference. Once I was out of the picture he had to blame the proper person and since I wasn't there........well, you get the idea.
There does come a point in our children's lives when they have to take responsibility for themselves but they have blamed us for every thing bad that has happened to them. The only way we can get them to accept the blame is to step out of the picture. We are Moms, stepping out of the picture is very difficult for us. It is the last big lesson that we have to teach our children, like pushing them out of the nest. Some of us are lucky enough to have them come back, some of us are not. Our job now is to be happy. We finished parenting now we can live our lives for ourselves.