The next thing I had to deal with were the trips back to what I now call "the abyss" because it sucks you under and drowns your happiness. It starts with the negative thoughts about myself and how I had to have failed and how I deserve to be treated better and how the DIL's FOO gets all the time with my grands and how they live so close to my DIL's FOO and it spirals downward. My DS never calls me, they don't visit, they wouldn't even notice if I died......I found it so easy to follow that downward spiral that made me feel like dog poo, not worthy of anything. Here are the mantras I use to pull myself out of the abyss:
1) What you focus on expands
2) Not my circus, not my monkeys
3) No news is good news
You can probably make up better ones than mine but reminding myself of these always seems to bring me back to the thoughts that bring me joy. I still use it when I find my brain visiting places that bring me angst. I just don't want to go there. Good luck on your journey and remember that we are here for you if you need us!