I suffered through the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, trying to smile while my heart was breaking. Then came the children. That is when you know your DS is truly stuck in the relationship. Things were very bad for me for years. I cried a lot and talked to everyone about how unfair the entire situation was, and it is totally wrong. I raised a wonderful caring human who married a woman who has done nothing but hinder his chances for advancement both socially and economically. It hurts my soul when I think about it. Anyway talking about it all the time did only one thing. It made people want to avoid me. The situation was taking all the joy out of my life, ruining my relationships with my family, friends, even my DH. I turned into a real party pooper. And then I found this website and it changed my life.
It was here that I found women who knew what I was feeling and really empathized. Through reading the posts here I found hope that I could once again enjoy my life. I had to decide to let my DS learn his own lessons in life, his own way, even if I knew it was the hard way. I stopped calling him, texting him, trying to fix things. I just stopped. It took him a few months to realize that I was no longer standing there waiting for him to return, so what did I do during those months? I learned to think about something else. I started putting myself first (something that is very hard for good mothers to do). I spent time planning things for myself and my DH to enjoy. When anyone asked me about my DS I would say "No news is good news" or "Not my circus, not my monkeys" and move to more pleasant topics. The change in my life was huge. I am really having a good time now. My DH came up to me the other day and said he was the happiest he has been in years and I have to admit that I am too.
So my advice to you is.....you deserve to be happy and you can be. You can borrow my three mantras (some are repeats but I repeated them daily for years and still do)
1) No news is good news
2) Not my circus, not my monkeys
3) What you focus on expands
The third one is really important! Once I started focusing my thoughts on making myself happy, my happiness expanded. It may sound selfish but I helped not only myself but also my DH and my other DS and my relatives and my friends. We are all enjoying our lives more now. Admittedly my DS and his wife are less happy than I would like to see them be but there is nothing I can do to change things for them and ruining my life over it is no longer an option I am willing to allow. I matter too. I want to enjoy the remainder of my life.