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Messages - gettingoldandcranky

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61
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Sabotaging DIL
« on: November 17, 2013, 06:22:10 AM »
same thing happening here.  keep sticking my toes in and getting hurt again.  very,very hard.  over time i guess it will get easier.
luv to come here and know i am not alone.

62
Daughter in Law's or Son in Law's Parents / Re: holidays approaching
« on: November 16, 2013, 04:46:05 AM »
thanks louise.  i am not invisible and i do matter.  sitting here again after making attempts at contact - emails and phone call - with no responses.
will try again to back away.  i do well for awhile - make no contact.  then, when ds makes contact, i get involved again and end up getting hurt - again.  this is so hard.  and the holidays make it stand out even more.
thanks for the support.

63
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: I need to talk it out.....
« on: November 16, 2013, 04:40:34 AM »
people who do not acknowledge gifts should not be given gifts.  agree, but what happens with christmas?  we have always had lots of gifts at christmas and i want my grands to have the enjoyment and excitment of coming to grandma's and seeing a packed tree.
but, dont want to give to dil and ds.  they have left us out - never call, never email.  just ignore and i miss this relationship.  i want to see them at the holiday, but don't want to give them any gifts.  thinking of just gifting the kids.

64
Daughter in Law's or Son in Law's Parents / Re: holidays approaching
« on: November 13, 2013, 08:10:05 AM »
thanks for advice.  know i have to decide.  i need to make a decision one way or another.  just a hard one - knowing that if i say no to mil they might not come.  but SO tired of being left out of everything - i'm not invited to things that she can participate in.  i sound so jealous and i am.  don't like being disrespected.

65
Daughter in Law's or Son in Law's Parents / holidays approaching
« on: November 11, 2013, 07:11:31 AM »
we are still in the same situation.  dil's mom is with them constantly - lived w/them for months.  she doesn't work, seems to just live for her dd and grands.  has taken over and we have even seen her tell my ds what to do in his own home!
so far, we have been allowed a visit for thanksgiving each year and every time are asked if dil's mom can come.  i am so tired of having her there - not only are we watched constantly by dil, but her mom follows the babes around and watches how everyone interacts w/them. they are like hawks.
my ds gets upset if i say, plse no mil.  once we said no mil and she came anyway.
know it would be bad if i say, no mil - if she is so important just stay at ur home and do holiday w/her.
what do u wise women think?

66
fantine - finding the upcoming holidays hard too.  want so much to have our "happy family" but it isn't working out at all.  dil is attached to her mom and we are completely left out of everything.  my grandbabes look at me as a stranger.  don't understand how or why - does she think at all how cruel this is?  she is civil to my face but does anything to block a visit.  what is the point of this?
trying hard to move past and enjoy my life w/other family and friends.  but the empty spot is always there and i am dreading the holidays. what little we will get will just leave me wishing for more.

67
going thru the same thing here.  tried to talk to son about my feelings on not being included in their lives - they have 2 lil ones who i miss all the time.  he doesn't want to hear anything - doesn't want to hear i luv u, i miss u, plse send pixs - anything is annoying to him. says to me that i am saying he is a disappointment to me.
so i have survived one wk of no contact. and he didn't contact me.  his wife must be dancing - she never liked me or wanted me around.
i can try to keep busy, but it is always on my mind and today i just cry  :'(

68
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: dil's mom
« on: July 06, 2013, 04:14:49 PM »
turn's out another family member asked ds NOT to bring his mil and she still came.
and, to top things off, they stopped and ate fast food before coming, didn't eat anything but fruit and, when leaving, made mention of how hungry they were (dil and her mom) and they were anxious to get home to have dinner,
rude, rude, rude.  hardly worth the fun time we had w/grands

69
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / dil's mom
« on: July 05, 2013, 08:04:18 AM »
my dil's mom is a major part of her life.  she stays with ds, dil, and gb's often and for long periods of time(weeks) in their home.  she is really like a 2nd mom to grands.   we live a drive away.  if dil's mom is there, we are told we can't visit she is there.

we are visited in our home maybe 4 - 5 times.  majority of these times, dil's mom comes too.  she chatters constantly and we don't get to visit w/ds and dil and kids the way we could if she is not there.
there is no "polite" way to stop this.  any suggestions how to deal with this?  tired of gritting my teeth and smiling....

70
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: I know it's MY problem.
« on: June 17, 2013, 09:33:53 AM »
so in your shoes.  thank goodness i still have a "relationship" - all looks well on the surface.  breaks my heart not being able to be close to grandbabe.  even if i am chatting with babe across a room, dil hears and comments.  always watched.  her mom is welcomed with open arms, friends are also.  just the way it is.  took many months to realize but still makes me weep.
when dil has bday, don't want to send card or present.  have lots of resentment.  but can't let it show - things would just be worse.
my mom always said "be the better person" and though she is gone, she is always w/me when we see the grandbabe and know my mom is enjoying each lil moment w/me (even when dil disapproves of my even breathing.)r maybe someday dil will understand, but it is already too late.  so sad and unnecessary

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