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Messages - luise.volta

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8356
Welcome, Sassy! I just responded and it disappeared! Will write later. Blessings, Luise

8357
Hi Millie, I have been wondering how you are doing after your experience at the baptism? Any family fall-out? Are you OK? Blessings, Luise

8358
Welcome Geo: We are a strange little band, probably, but the glue that holds us together is the kind of compassion you were just offered from Prissy.

We have all run the emotional gauntlet, maybe in different ways but that doesn't matter. We've been stunned by disloyalty and betrayal, we've been racked with guilt while wondering what we did wrong, we've been high on hopes before we realized we were being lied to and we've been shattered by the devastation of loss and despair.

We're here to share and care...and we're here to listen and contribute. We're just here. Blessings, Luise

8359
Welcome "C". I have not experienced the situation myself but the pattern of DILs being deeply entrenched with their families of origin has come up before.

However, in your situation, your DIL doesn't seem to like it or encourage it, she just doesn't know how to deal with it. How sad if her solutions is to cut and run.

And the religious thing is sure a hot topic. Personally it makes my blood boil to know her parents are quoting the bible and destroying the marriage simultaneously. That's the height is hypocrisy in my book. (Hope I didn't step on any toes.)

We need an 11th commandment. Prissy is really good at that kind of thing. How about: Thou Shalt Not Meddle?"

It must feel awful for you to be watching all of this play out and not e able to help. It's theirs to deal with or be conquered by. Blessings, Luise

8360
Oh, Millie...you had a whole gang around you, too. All of us!

And I know that often men aren't able (or maybe willing) to get into such deep emotional water. Letting go is such a tall order and yet I'm sure that's the only way to go. We can't have our lives end because someone took an eraser and erased us from their reality. We haven't been erased from the planet. Bless your daughter's heart for caring. And no, of course she shouldn't have to try to make up for your son. Each person has his/her own reaction and takes whatever path is chosen.

I'm not suggesting you take up basket weaving but there are people who are childless that lead full lives. There are other avenues beyond those of the heart that have been initiated by our choice to become parents. Fir instance, one of my readers on my other web site signed up to be a part time foster parent and is creating other "grandchildren" to love, who need it desperately.

I think many of us seem to have experienced being loved without reservation by one child while being damned by another. That's so confusing...at least for me.

Blessings, Luise

8361
Hi Millie,

It's Sunday morning...and today is the day. Just putting it out there that you are not alone...you have a new family, and that's all of us. Sending you loving, healing energy.

I will share, probably on Grab Bag, what has been going on with me. (Lots.)

Blessings,

Luise

8362
Well, I am interested in this exchange, of course.  :)

I think we need to remember there are no actual MIL/DIL prototypes. We/they come in all sizes and shapes, attitudes and behaviors, backgrounds and life experiences. Tolerance is hard to create and even harder to maintain when the chemistry isn't favorable. What one MIL wants is not necessarily what another would value. The same goes for DILs. Terrible, unforgivable damage can be done and sometimes minor slights can be seen as terrible, unforgivable damage. We can share and learn and then we have to sort it out from our own vantage (or disadvantage) point.

I think there is something in our Forum Policy that we agree to the refers to bold type and capitalization. When the need to do that comes up, and I'm sure it will for most of us, lets agree to stop, take a deep breath and break for tea or a coke or whatever. Or what I do when smoke is coming out the top of my head is I write it but I don't send it until I tone it down a bit. Whatever works for you. OK?

This is a Forum...it wouldn't have any juice without divergent opinions and experiences. We want that and it needs to be tempered with "viva la difference." (Misspelled, I know...but poor spelling is a sign of brilliance according to Einstein.) Blessings, Luise

8363
Welcome Home, Millie! Missed you! Blessings, Luise

8364
Welcome to our Growing Clan, SouthernBelle. I can't understand adult children acting like that. Little kids fearing step-mom's, yes...look at what Prissy had to put up with and go through...all with no rhyme or reason. How terrible for her to have suffer such neglect.

But when the "kids" are grown, gone from home and on their own, whose business is it, anyway?  ??? How stupid and disgusting. You made lemonade out of lemons but it cost you big time. Forgiveness is written all over your post but so is hurt. How totally unnecessary. On the other hand, it's great that your guy was worth it! Did his kids ever have the decency to apologize? Did they learn anything? Blessings, Luise

8365
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: The Latest
« on: May 25, 2009, 04:51:51 PM »
Well, P., certainly the patent on that kind of DIL should be burned and scattered at sea!
(And I won't even go to the memorial service!)

There doesn't seem to be any way out of the pain. If you close the door it will kill you and if you leave it open you will bleed to death. I never come up with anything new...refocus...and that's old. Expand your interests; take up belly dancing with a fly on the end of a pin.  ;D Something!

Self-love will triumph. It *will*! It's real and internal where rejection is delusional and external. L.

8366
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchildren coming to town
« on: May 24, 2009, 04:24:12 PM »
To P. and All: The mountains in that picture are the Olympic Range and the land on the other side of our salt water bay is Camano Island. We both lived there before we married 20 years ago. Now that my husband is almost 98, I take him on drives out there often and we reminisce. (Wow! Either I actually spelled that word right or my spell-check just broke!)  ;D

Yes, humor can be an wonderful expression of happiness. Of course there are other varieties; like dark humor, sarcastic humor and many other kinds of humor where a barb or negativity can be effectively (or ineffectively) masked but I am whimsical by nature and have a steak of mischief that is still alive and well. ;D And is there any lovelier sound than hearing our adult children laugh? I don't think so! Blessings, Luise

8367
I think I should have said in my last post that I was responding to Beide2Be. (I'm learning.)  ;D

So, the rest of this is to Millie: I, too, am thinking of you and your Memorial Weekend  vacation during which you will be making your decision. I'm sending loving, healing energy your way. Blessings, Luise

8368
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchildren coming to town
« on: May 24, 2009, 09:13:18 AM »
You're right, P. The name-calling in your head and written down is a great way to express without defeating your own purpose by pouring fuel on the fire. I would guess that survival is your purpose. It must be awful to be able to see so clearly what is going on. Sometimes being very bright can be a liability. I am touched by the humor that you still evidence even after 16 years. There is light and beauty in you.

Thank you for your comments about my Memorial Day ritual. I can step out of my little 660 sq. ft. unit and immediately find myself in deep forest where the evergreens are well over 100 ft. tall and 100s of years old. I'm often the only one on the path that winds down to the water all the while looking out over Puget Sound through the trees. My simple ritual will be remembering those who have come and gone in my life  who have made such an impact on me.

To see what I see on my walk, go to: http://www.warmbeach.org/ The picture at the top of the page was actually taken from where I live.

8369
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchildren coming to town
« on: May 23, 2009, 09:39:35 PM »
Hey, you  got through it! Good for you! Name calling doesn't work for me but it's a way to blow off steam. I can imagine that the phone calls drove you nuts...they would me. I would silently want to stomp the cell phone to death. :D

I am sort of gearing up emotionally for Memorial Day because at my age I have more family and friends who have passed than I do ones who are still around. I want to do a little ritual and honor all of them and still keep my cool. None of them are war veterans but to me it is kind of a generic day of remembrance. Here's the "close" list...three sons counting the babies I lost and my 52 year-old who passed in 2000, my best friend who died just a week ago, two sisters and two brothers in law, my mom and dad, my mother in law and father in law and yet another brother in law and sister in law and a whole passel of pets.

8370
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchildren coming to town
« on: May 23, 2009, 01:02:49 PM »
Isn't it wonderful...how you hold yourself back? LOL!

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