I am so sorry you have been struggling. I know what it is like be shut out by a daughter in law. Like you, I tried everything and had very similar results. For me, the lesson was that my son was an adult and had made a choice that worked for him (although I couldn't fathom why) and didn't work for me. I didn't stop loving him but for my own sanity, I stopped trying to fix it or even be heard. Slowly, I have to admit, I turned toward what brings me joy and have focused on the support available elsewhere in my life and the interests that bring me peace. My job was to raise my son to the best of my ability. I did that and have let go of any lingering expectations. Whew! Hugs to you...