February 23, 2020, 05:05:52 am

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - daniel

31
Wish there was a way to private chat. Thank you, Luise, I can't remember what I posted, so thanks for correcting it. Sorry about that.

Could you also delete or change my other posts too? They are too descriptive.

You rock, thanks so much.
32
We stay our of politics, here, B. We have a wide, eclectic readership. Hugs...

33
Thanks everyone.  Still learning, I can't do that, I will buy presents for the GC and the kids. I haven't done much shopping since my husband died. Christmas just isn't for me anymore, everyone already has enough stuff, so I make it either money for the kids or small presents I know will be used. I don't go overboard with presents for the GC either.

This year however, I will be cutting way back. No more checks, just small tokens.

Marina, I'm afraid it has already happened with DD and DIL. I'm not sure what to do about that. Knowing there isn't anything TO do about it, so I will try to keep my head low and stay out of it all. My DD is flying in for a visit in a week or so, first visit from her in a few years. DIL was very happy to tell me she 'talked' DD into a visit. What she doesn't know is I had discouraged a visit from DD for the holidays as there isn't anything going on anyway and that she would have more fun with her friends and BF where she is. (She hasn't been home for a holiday for 5 years)

I dont' want my DD to stay with me but I can't do that to her. Last time she visited I found out she took a picture of my medicine cabinet, my husbands side of it and sent it to someone (Who, I don't know) Making fun that I haven't cleaned out my husbands cologne and a few other things in that side of the cabinet. No, I don't have his toothbrush or shaving things anymore.. just a few scents I didnt' want to throw away yet. I don't use that side anyway and had forgotten it was there. I found her actions very disrespectful and really don't want her in my house again. That is just one instance of the disrespect.

DIL has gotten to DD.. I encouraged my DD to form more of a relationship with DIL because her brother doesn't seem to care about keeping his family in his life and she was hurt. I know I won't be here forever and wanted DD to have some sort of relationship with them and her nephews. It's backfiring, making me believe I deserve all of this. Again, maybe I do.

My parents both died the same her my husband did. Mom in march, dad in october (his funeral was on my husbands last birthday) Then a month after my dad died, my husband died. Needless to say, I hit rock bottom. I didn't find any support until 7 months out. I unfortunately cried to my children for those 7 months. It was not the right thing to do.

The worse thing in america is how grief is not allowed. You are expected to pick yourself up alone and carry on as if nothing every happened. I couldn't do it. just.could.not. I wasn't strong enough.

I won't be texting or calling any of them anymore. If they want a relationship with me, they know where I am.
34
Quote from: luise.volta on December 01, 2016, 12:25:32 pm
Welcome, J. Venting is part of healing for most of us and my heart goes out to you. This is a loving Website because we don't allow anything else. It's takes three Moderators to make sure we keep it that way but most of us have had way too much negativity before we come here and don't need any more. Hugs...


Louse, thank you so much. I've been reading the site for a week or so since I found it and I have to tell you that I Love You. Thank you sweet lady. I am so sorry for your losses. You have given so much love.

I only wish I had found you in 09. I know I would of handled this all differently.

I see so much good in DIL. It breaks my heart things are going this way.

Thank you for all you do. Hugs and love.
35
Thanks Marina. You're story feels a lot like mine. I did come to realize it is in fact my son allowing all of this. And I was very angry with him for awhile. Now..I'm just sad.

DIL has been spinning her talk at my DD now. She seems delighted about that and has been wanting a close relationship with DD front the start.

Because DD has shown much disrespect towards me in the past few years I'm not feeling the sting so much right now.

I'm not sure if that's a defense mode of, Fine..be that way then. You can have each other, I'm out of here, or what. When I feel/think that way it feels so childish. So I stop. But man...this is so hard.

I'm just at the end of my rope. A person can only take so many head games before she walks away.

I'm trying to walk away.

Please take my phone away so I stop texting.

They just had baby #2 . I was given one picture. She blocked me from FB so I can't see any she posts. I asked my son to send me some pics...silence. That always means no.

I unfreinded them both a few weeks ago, before the baby came, and all of her family. It hurts too much to see how left out I am.

My sister sent me pics she posted. That was nice of her.

36
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Hello lovely ladies
December 01, 2016, 10:15:50 am
Read all the first read this. I want to say thank you for this site. It is the only one I have found that is loving and not blaming the moms for Everything.

I'm on my phone so don't want to try and explain everything going on. Its hard to put to words.

I am looking for healing for myself. My AC and what is left of my sad small family.

My husband died of cancer about a year after our son was married. She was pregnant with our first GS at his death.

My grief was overwhelming and I did not do much right.

It's been 6 long years since he died. He had just turned 50. I have been trying to navigate my life ever since.

We have a DD who left when he was sick. She hasn't moved back to our state since. It was hard on us both buy I just want my kids to be happy.

DD hasn't treated me with respect for a while now.

My son doesn't want to deal with any of it. He just wants to play video games and keep the peace with his wife. Who can blame him.

It feels like I lost them all and it hurts. Most days I feel as though I deserve it.

DIL is nice but controlling. Told my husband and I not long after the wedding that our son is now hers. She actually announced this when entering our home for a visit. A son is a don until he takes a wife, he is mine now.

I felt assaulted. I didn't say anything in reply. I was astounded she said it.

I also knew in my heart she was right. But it was a cruel thing to say to us.

She took the reins and facilitated many visits. That was nice of her, but at the same time she would always announce how we would never see our son if it wasn't for her.

After husband died I was a mess. A huge blubbery mess. I just wanted to die. I even had a hard time being excited about new baby. Grief is brutal.

GS was born about 6 months after he died. By then I was so excited for him to arrive.

I was being my mom self...DIL announced she would have him in a birth center. Scared me to death. I tried to be quiet buy I failed. I expressed my concerns and fears.

My son called to tell me they were at the center and baby is on his way. He said if I wanted to come that would be amazing.

I waited a bit and drove down to the center. A 45 minute drive. When I arrived I was informed by the midwives I was not supposed to be there. I explained I was Mikes mom. That he called and told me to come.

They blocked the door and wouldn't let me in. All I wanted was to wait in the waiting room. I was never going to barge in while she labored. That was not my place and I knew it.

I left and cried the whole way home

Son called when he was born and asked where I was and if I was coming. I told him I would be there.

When I arrived her parents were driving out of the parking lot.

They had me hold new baby while they stiched her up. I was in the waiting room, crying and loving this new baby when one of midwives showed up and asked me about my son's birth. I mentioned I had to have a c-section.

She looked at me with such disgust is surprised me, she huffed, threw her head back and rolled her eyes. I just looked at her. Speechless.

These women were telling  the kids how horrible hospitals are the whole time they cared for them. It was cult like. So weird.

I said nothing. Son was so happy I wasn't going to stir the pot.

Fast forward...I was asked and took baby for weekends once he was 4-5 months old. As first time mom's are scared sometimes to let anyone else have them. Understood. We all go through that.

At any rate. I had that little man a lot. Almost every weekend. I loved it.

Then it stopped last year.

Holidays have always been hard for me. I get the crumbs. Often times not much. A few hours xmas morning at their place. Which I go, happily as it's the only time I get.

Anyway. It's bad.

They just had another son.

When they told me they were pregnant I was so happy for them. They had so much trouble getting pregnant again. I cried...and was jumping up and down celebrating with the grandson and said to him. We're gonna have another baby! Yay

Wrong thing to say.

She said to me, No, We're not having a baby. Son and I are.

That was the end of me thinking we were family.

I left soon after. I don't even remember if I replied. I was so shocked she said it.

I did say awhile later that I was sorry she felt the need to say that. That when I said it I meant the family is having another baby.

Why do young women feel the need to say these things?

There is much more...like when I got to do an easter basket hunt with GD once. I was told that I should of bought this and not THAT. Her family doesn't do it that way.

I was told he would not be allowed to believe in Santa or any of that nonsense since that was how she was raised.

So...no fun Santa stuff either.

Ok
.I must get to work thanks for letting me vent.