January 28, 2021, 01:47:21 am

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Things happens

16
Had to chuckle about the part of her complaining about DS, and I do not recommend you do the same thing, but for me it was Epic, and she did quit whining to me about DS.

A group of us (including DIL) use to get together and Scrapbook and just talk and have fun. Finally one day I guess I have had enough BS about my son, who really didn't deserve half the complaining she did. My GF knew something was brewing in my mind as she said. After DIL finally quit whining, I turned and looked at her and said "All I can say is when I gave him to you he was perfectly fine, you broke him, so now you fix him" and went back to what I was doing. It shut DIL and the rest of the group was holding in their shocked look. After that day, she never whined about him again.

On another note, when I go home, DS was with Hubby. I looked at him and said I apologized for any wrath you might endure do to my actions. I told him what happened, and he laughed. Funny part was she never said a word to him about it. Plenty of other things, but not that (LOL)
17
Good for you Jeannie,

On getting out, do you have a senior center in the area? You should check with them to see if they have a bus that will come and pick you up, ours will even take you to Drs appointments and other places. Just need to give them 2 days notice. My FIL didn't want to do the Senior center, but once he was forced to go (Dr told him he had to get out of the house or else, he thought Drs were gods and did everything they said), he started one day a week, then he said they needed his help and went 3 times a week and then he made all new friends and ended up going Daily, from 10 - 3 or 4 depending what was going on, and had a great Lunch there. So you might look into that just to get you out of the house, and your prior nursing experience maybe you could do blood pressure checks etc for them.

Have a Very Merry Christmas with your Friend  :)
18
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Daughter In Law
September 25, 2015, 08:40:02 pm
Just checking to see if it switched to Things Happen
19
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Daughter In Law
September 25, 2015, 05:47:39 pm
FireFly,

Sounds like you are ready to take a step in the right direction. Just take one day at a time and focus on you and hubby and what makes you happy. Because in the end, only you can make yourself happy.


Pooh & Luise, sorry about my slip up
20
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Daughter In Law
September 24, 2015, 05:46:06 pm
Hi,

Welcome to the boards, I am so sorry for what you are going through, not only your son but your daughter. You are right he is a grown man and is allowing this to happen. As far as his wife and family they are just immature and now that they are no longer your friends on FB they can't control your feelings at their whim. It is hard to move on, but you need to do what is best for you and what makes you happy. Do things with your friends, or if you have nieces and nephews make contact with them, see if they would like to get together. And just take one day at a time, and do what is best for you. And please take care of yourself.

+ + + +
K. Your post has been edited because there are so many beliefs experienced on our Website that our Forum Agreement asks each of us to refrain from sharing them. For every person who holds a specific belief whether it is in karma or organized religion, there is a person who believes otherwise. To avoid debate, we don't write our beliefs. This Forum is privately owned and funded and reflects the wishes of the owner to respect everyone. You are being asked also to choose another user name that doesn't represent your belief.


21
Hi,

And welcome, I don't think that you are being unfair at all. You are a newlywed and want to be able to act accordingly so. You don't say what culture your husband is from but, that has a lot to do with what the customs are etc.  In now way should our SIL be staying with you another month, you might delicately explain to your MIL that while you appreciated the help that you are now well adjusted to be the wife that her son deserves and that you want to go it alone.

As far as the month long visit I would expect them, only because it is such an expense. But I would tell hubby that it's a month and that is it, or you can always alternate visits you visit them, they visit you. Good Luck with your Marriage, it is such an exciting time.
22
Pen,

Listen to Stilllearning, while money might be nice. You have something you could give future grandkids that money can't buy, it is unconditional love, giving it to them and teaching them about it. There are so many fun things that you can do without money for all age groups. I can still remember why my aunts kids wondered why we loved going over my Fathers Mothers house, their other grandparents had money and gave them everything but love. At my Nana's house she gave us unconditional love and taught us many things, and on top of that she was legally blind. And I was really blessed because both Nana's where flick poor, but I would not change that for the world. Oh the memories, picture a slightly overweight gray haired woman who is legally blind teaching the grand kids how to slide down her banister properly.
23
Thanks Pooh, it has taken me a while to achieve this feeling. I have lots of nieces and nephews that enjoy and want my time. So I concentrate on them and have lots of fun together with them. And enjoy my time with DS, the only sadness is I probably won't have any GC. Though I did mention one time I might adopt a pregnant teenager  ;D Look on DS face was priceless. I just hope that DIL works out her issues and realizes that we are not the enemy, even all that we have been through I would still welcome her with open arms because she is my son's wife.
24
Kate123 at the time she was 31 and still has not matured. I have learned over the years that Karma is a real thing and have seen it happen. So when the time is right she will get what she deserves. Until then I will just enjoy my son :)
25
Hi,

I just found you and want to thank you for setting up this board. I have read through a lot of new and old post and now feel that DH and I are not alone anymore. A little background Our DS (Only Child) has been Married to DIL for almost 7 years and dated for 3 years. At first I though she was just shy and quiet and eventually would come out of her shell. For the last several years she wouldn't show up to holidays with DS. Then she would have parties that sell things. As a good MIL I would go and she would just complain about my DS about this and that in front of everyone, and I would just sit and say nothing. Then one time I just snapped, and I turned and looked her in the eye  and in front of everyone I just told her That when I gave him to her, he was perfectly fine, you broke him. From that point on, I made sure I had plans for other things on the days she would have these parties.

Now DS complains she doesn't do anything with him, etc etc. I just told him hey you married her. We are very nice to her but in the last couple of years Mine and DH attitude is we are done going out of the way to do things to be nice. We are lucky in we still have a great relationship with DS, no GK yet and not sure there will be any.

But in reading the old post I see that we have done the right thing and just be nice and stay out of her life and for that I thank everyone. It actually felt good to see that it is the right thing to do.  If she wants in our life that is just fine, but we have come to peace with her not being in our lives.

So once again, thank you everyone for sharing your experience, they have comforted me. :)