December 03, 2020, 11:50:58 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - PatiencePlease

121
Thank you for sharing Bdwell.   I know in my head that I  need to stay strong and stick to my boundaries.  But my heart is breaking because he's been so irresponsible and could be in more serious trouble than he already is...

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my heart......

Thank you again Bdwell :)
122
Hi everyone.  I am very happy I found this place.  But I'm hurting and very worried about my son right now.

I need advice. (And I need some good "coaching" too.)

I've placed a post under Adult Sons/Daughters -- "Should I Say Anything? - Please advise"

Please if you have a minute, please read my post and share any insight you might have.  Many thanks.
123
I am new here and am very grateful to have found this site.  It's nice to know I'm not alone.  I have an adult son in his early twenties.  He did not graduate college - he has been working since he dropped out one year ago.  After this one year "grace period" and just loaning him $1000 for a car repair, we decided he needed to take over his expenses.  The Bank of Mom and Dad is officially closed. Mr. Entitled (let's just call him that) decided we were being unfair so he stopped coming home at night.  A few days later he calls to announce he's moved into an apartment with a friend.  He only took some of his clothes and his laptop.

He has called very sporadically since then -- only when he has gotten into a financial dilemma.  A month ago he had gotten state notification there was no record of his car insurance (he stopped paying) and he needed to take immediate action or his license would be suspended.   I called to give him this message.  He started spewing hateful things at me because I explained this was his problem to deal with not mine.  I ended the conversation when his words became insulting and hurtful.

Since then he did talk to my husband (his dad) and my husband told him he owed me an apology.  Mr. Entitled glossed over that part of the conversation and explained he was taking his car off the road and turning in the plates.  It would be kept off the street at his apartment.  A second time a couple of weeks later he called my husband again and said he had taken care of the insurance.  It was all a lie.

He got another notice (he had his mail forwarded to his new address) and proceeded to call us up about it.  The state set a deadline within the next week or his license is suspended.   We did not "bite the bait" to bail him out -- he's got to figure this out himself.   (He's working - I don't know where he's spending all his money.)

Once again he started to spew at me but not before he told me he's stopping at the house to pick up the rest of the stuff he needs "and whatever I leave behind you can go ahead and throw out -- family pictures, everything, I don't care." He then started getting nasty again saying it's unfortunate it has come down to this that we choose not to give him any support.....  At that point I blew up at him and told him we had supported him and he had treated me poorly.   I was not about to subject myself to his insults once again and hung up on him.

I will be home when he stops by later this week to pick up his stuff.  I don't plan to engage him in any conversation but I'm wondering if I should write him a brief note as he leaves just to say "I hope you figure everything out for yourself.  Just remember we do love you and when you are ready to pick up this relationship and work on repairing it, we'll be ready."

Should I just say nothing??  Any other advice would be gratefully received.